My Tapestry

See that babe in arms? That's my Uncle Johnny. He passed away yesterday, leaving a legacy of kindness, gentleness, and love of family. He was the last of my grandfather's siblings to pass away, the youngest son in a big, loving, Italian family.

Of course, none of them were perfect, but every single memory I have of these great-uncles and great-aunts is just that: GREAT.

Outbursts of laughter around overloaded tables.

Good-natured teasing and bickering.

Stories of stark but happy childhood.

Bear hugs & kisses until you were gasping for breath.

And yes, food. LOTS and LOTS of food at every single gathering.

OH! THE! FOOD!

Not a bad way to grow up. Not at all.

By now, you all know I'm hopelessly sentimental when it comes to matters of family and legacy. Uncle Johnny's passing has provoked a myriad of memories all rife with emotion today. Anchoring all of those feelings is an overwhelming gratitude, I'm so incredibly grateful for the great big tapestry that both sets of my grandparents' generation wove for me and my generation.

This tapestry has been many things

for many people in our family.

A work of art, giving testament to the family's status and standing in society. A witness, if you will, of that which they have achieved together.

A rich backdrop, giving color, depth, and texture to our collective coming story as new immigrants to this country. Bringing their history to their present.

A thick and stable rug to stand upon, when building a life together. A plush but firm "take your stance" kind of setting point.

A soft landing place, a net of sorts that was wide and secure into which they could fall when hard times rocked them off their feet.

A warm wrap into which they could burrow when life felt cold and brutal.

Today, we mostly think of intricate tapestries as works of art to be hung on a wall. But a true family-woven tapestry wasn't always meant to be just gazed at and admired. Admittedly, we aren't as familiar with the many uses that a hand-woven, artfully crafted tapestry can have in today's world. We don't need one piece to do all those things anymore. We have Wayf@ir for rugs and T@rget for sweaters, right? But if you look back in history, family tapestries had many functions beyond their artisan beauty.

It strikes me that my family tapestry has both beauty and function that is sadly becoming more and more rare in this culture in which we live. I'm proud to declare that I will stay anchored to both families who wove this tapestry before me. I will continue to teach my children well in the art of weaving their rows to grow it strong and beautiful for generations to come.

********************************

Uncle Johnny, say hi to Grandpa Sam for me. Enjoy your reunion and your time to worship Jesus to the strains of heavenly Italian opera with him. You are missed here. All of you.

12 Months of Mei Mei

Come on in and enjoy the stroll down memory lane 

as we celebrate a year of life with our Mei Mei...

It's never boring, it's not often easy (as of late),

but it's always, always full of love and joy.

We can't imagine life without her!

Our first morning home together with all the Gang!

{April}

Her first Mother's Day.

{May}

Uh Oh. Ya caught me!

{June}

This sassy girl loves her some accessories!

{July}

Sweet sisters snuggling.

{August}

She also loves her some Minnie Mouse!

{September}

This is one of my faves - those chubby cheeks

just kill me!

{October}

No first trip to the mall

is complete without a first taste of

CFA, am I right?!

{November}

Such a rough month for our girl.

First surgery, sleepless nights, and more.

{December}

They love being my little baking buddies together!

{January}

 Our little fashionista

{February}

 Her favorite new thing is to yell, "Cheese!"

and be on the "taking" side of the camera these days.

{March}

Good Morning and Happy Forever!

Today is a beautiful, happy day to look back

and to thank God for the gift she is.

{April 7, 2014}

(She celebrated by eating strawberries with
her breakfast. That's a HUGE milestone in and of itself!!!!)

****************************************************

Happy One Year Mei Mei!
We are so grateful you are ours and we are yours.

You have changed our family in beautiful and necessary ways.

We love you, bunches and bunches and bunches!!!!!!

For a look back at our

adoption trip to China,

(particularly for my newer readers)

you should start by clicking on 

this link: "We Are Here!"

Happy Reading :)

Miraculous

Like most of the adoption community, I've had the privilege over the last week or so to be praying for little Teresa Bartilinski and her family. It's been a lot of waiting, for them, for those of us loosely connected to them through the red threads of adoption, and for the world who is now watching. The waiting has given me much time to think while praying. Little Teresa's journey to her forever family is miraculous.

Her life since coming home, battle after battle to get some weight on her, to keep her levels stable, to keep her healthy and virus free, to live a normal childhood in the midst of it all. It's all miraculous.

In the midst of it all, our own family was doing some waiting last week. My sweet little nephew, Kilian Edward, was due to make an appearance and when we got the news that labor had begun, the waiting felt intensely difficult. Hours dragged by and I swear that June 19th was the.longest.day.EVER. I was praying and checking my phone incessantly, waiting for something! anything! that would let me know he had safely arrived and that my sister-in-law was recovering well.

The call finally came and the details were sparse at first but really, who cares about details when there's THIS FACE to gaze at instead?!

Later in the week, I finally snuck some time away to talk with my brother and hear all the details that I'd been  wanting to know. And as my brother told Kilian's birth story, I was consumed with gratitude. His entry to our world, to our family, was challenging. Even slightly traumatic - especially for my brother and my sister-in-law. His arrival is miraculous.

Something the doctor said to us early in the process of studying Mei Mei's needs came to mind while my brother was sharing.... the interventions in the early two or three days of Mei Mei's life, before she even made it to the orphanage likely saved her life. Her arrival at the orphanage, her survival despite the harsh conditions under which she spent her first two weeks of life, her overall general good health while we waited to get to her and bring her home. It's all miraculous.

Every single one of these children are such miracles. No matter their birth story. No matter their journey to our homes. No matter the normalcy of their arrivals. Or the trauma they have endured in the getting here. They each are miraculous.

I'm certain that I'm not the only one guilty of forgetting the magnitude of these tiny (and not so tiny!) miracles that walk around our homes, begging for more popsicles, poking their siblings, and leaving dirty socks on the floor. I'm sure that the busy-ness of regular life takes over for all of you as it does for me. And the glory of this calling of parenthood is lost in the grime and the guts of the job. The demands of the daily-ness of it all cloud my vision all too often. The events of this past week have lifted my head and slowed my pace. I'm drinking in these moments more than I did last week. Are you?

While you are joining the rest of us in praying for yet another miracle for sweet little Teresa, stop for a moment and intentionally enjoy the awe of the little miracles in your own home. However they got to your arms, it's miraculous. They are miraculous.

Two Months!

I can't believe it's been two months today since we met our sweet little Mei Mei in person. Recently, we've been watching episodes of "The Little Couple" on TLC and this week's show brought back so many amazing memories of the first days with both of our girls. The whirlwind of our new normal around here has been too fast-paced with far too many doctor appointments, therapy meetings, and end-of-the-year school activities to recount each of them since I last posted. But I do feel like a look back at our girly over these last 8 weeks together might be fun.

This is one of the first pictures we got before we started

peeling her many layers of clothing off her on Gotcha Day.

That sad, kind of vacant look lasted a good portion of the day.

These two pictures are my favorite from our first day together.

She had finally loosened up a bit to trust us to change

her diaper and finish taking down all the layers.

This sweatshirt is one that we had sent to her

back at Christmas time.

After filling her little belly with puffs, yogurt melts, and ramen,

we were getting some smiles out of her.

By the time we were ready to all hit the hay,

about 14 hours after holding her for the first time,

we had been treated to a couple tiny little attempts at giggles.

This is May 8th, as close to the ONE MONTH

mark from Gotcha Day that I could find in my files.

She had discovered that week how much fun

it is to have her hair played with and styled.

Her inner girly-girl did NOT stay tucked away inside for long!

 Neither did her inner "make my Daddy laugh" girl!

Once she discovered how funny it was to contort herself

while Daddy was trying to manage her diaper and p.j.'s,

she started coming up with all kinds of fun tricks!

And here she is today, TWO MONTHS

after meeting her for the first time.

I can't believe how she's filling out!

Excuse the greasy Dominoes pizza doubling

as yet another kind of hair product and the fingers in the mouth.

While I'm everlastingly glad she has some means

of self-soothing and comfort,

it was pretty hard to get a picture of her today

WITHOUT those fingers in her mouth.

Four shots at the pediatrician yesterday

and a week-long tummy virus have seen to that for sure.

See that mischievous grin?

Yeah, she loves taunting and teasing with Daddy.

What you can't see is that she is wiggling her fingers under

his hand, trying to get those fingers BACK

into her little pizza-hole.

No time on Daddy's lap is complete without

his tickly, scratchy kisses on her neck and cheeks.

She sure puts on a good show of trying to avoid it

but minutes after I clicked this quick picture,

she was sneaking right back up onto the couch for more!

No doubt about it, bringing this little one home to join our gang has been crazy, busy, chaotic, and noisy. There have been some very difficult moments of transition and adjustment. We've had to digest some hard reports from the doctors and learn some new techniques for communication and managing her needs. And her eating habits have stretched our creativity and patience to the limits. But there are plenty of sweet, loving, crazy, and fun moments to help us get through the hard stuff. And we all agree that she's a perfect fit for our family and we couldn't be more blessed.

Sister Love

This is what I saw the other day

when the living room got mysteriously quiet.

I'm SO glad I tip-toed in

and peeked around the corner to investigate!

And yesterday, in the car on the way to another round

of testing and studies for Mei Mei,

I had heard her fussing and then quiet reigned.

When I turned around, this is what I saw.

It's taken a bit of time, but I love that we've reached the point where there are more pleasant and loving interactions between these two than there are jealous or unhappy moments. Li'l Empress has had some bouts of insecurity and emotional overload in the process but I think she's settling back in. As expected, the struggles have been mainly on Li'l Empress' side of things, as she's worked through the adjustment of becoming a Big Sister after years of being the baby of the family. The bigger gang members have been awesome at making sure that Li'l Empress knows she is just as loved and cherished as ever. It's been really sweet to see them all working through the adjustment together. And the evidence that Li'l Empress and Mei Mei are falling in love with each other is there for all to see.

Now, when Mei Mei stumbles and falls on the toys in the family room, Li'l Empress is the first to rush and get the boo-boo bear for her baby sister. And when Li'l Empress came in from the yard this week, crying over a perceived offense, Mei Mei would not leave her side and watched the proceedings with great concern. She even tried to hug her and kept patting her arm while Li'l Empress calmed down.

Early on in the "re-entry" process, Li'l Empress came to me in tears and through her hiccuping and sobbing, informed me that she thought we probably brought home "the wrong Mei Mei." Because this one was mean and not sharing her toys at all. And "she hit me with the dolly!"  I tried very hard to take her seriously at that moment, and address her concerns and validate her feelings. I helped her understand that baby behavior wasn't the same as "the wrong Mei Mei" coming home, but was something we'd all have to model and work through with Mei Mei. I reminded Li'l Empress that when she first came home, she hit the kids, too. And she was even known to bite them once in a while. That it was all normal "baby" behavior and her job was to teach Mei Mei how to be part of our family by showing a good and loving example. I got her calmed down and able to pray with me. But man, oh, day, I was cracking up inside. I couldn't believe that she was calling up prayers from LAST YEAR at this time, when we were still asking as a family for the Lord to give us clear leading and direction to the "right Mei Mei;" the one that He had chosen for our family. OMIGOSH - this kid has a memory like NOBODY'S business!

I know there will be seasons, ebbs & flows if you will, of this relationship as it grows and builds, but this week's little vignettes brought such joy to my heart and I've so enjoyed the peace and promise captured in each little picture. I am so confident that the moving forward will continue to be productive and full of sweetness even in the hard moments. I count it an immeasurable gift, that God would grant the blessing of sisterhood to my girls. No matter the age span between them, they have friends for life in each other!

Here's one from last weekend,

in which all three girls were

hamming it up with Daddy's iPhone.

I love this. And can't wait to see

differing versions of it as the years fly by.

(Oh, God. Please don't let the years fly by. Pretty please?!)

A Happy Mother's Day, Indeed.

What a wonderful Mother's Day weekend I had with my gang! The Boss's folks came in for a long weekend on Friday afternoon. His sister and her family came in Saturday afternoon. Everyone wanted to meet Mei Mei. It was LadyBug's 14th birthday {sigh. sob.}on Sunday. So we celebrated all three big events together. All weekend long. We ate. We laughed. We watched the kids play together. We ate some more. And I got the exquisite joy of having all 6 of my kids home, together, for the first Mother's Day ever. Knowing that our Gang is now complete, that we are, indeed, "all here" added such a sweet note to the day. I am a blessed momma.

Getting a picture of me and my three girlies

proved almost to be my undoing.

I bought the matching dresses for the little ones

at Gift From China on Shamian Island.

The pictures are not doing the

utter cuteness any justice at all...

I guess that's to be expected with a 22-month old

who moves faster than any shutter speed I know!

LadyBug with her yummy chocolate cake

and the delicious coconut cupcakes from my sweet friend, Kateri.

NO ONE on the planet makes coconut cake

(and cupcakes) like this woman can.

Seriously.

Mei Mei completely agrees.

She sucked the icing off that cupcake

faster than I can even SAY cupcake.

And was so sugared up she practically ran

circles in the kitchen.

If she had a tail, she'd have been chasing it!

LadyBug and her bestie cousin, Alyssa.

They are about a year apart in age.

This is one of the rare sitings of them during our weekend

visit. We always joke that as soon as they get together,

they disappear for the entire visit, whispering and talking together

and catching up on all their girl talk!

Happy Momma with all my gang.

All together. At last.

I just love these kids of mine.

LadyBug has a frame that she likes to keep

filled with a picture of the two of us.

She asked for an updated picture while the camera was clicking.

Now that I see this, I might have to go into the archives

and find one from her chubby little baby days.

This one is giving me a heart attack.

Hope your Mother's Day was beautiful and memorable.

One Week

Wow. It's been a full week with our girl today. I can hardly believe it. On the one hand it feels like yesterday that this dream was just that - still a dream. And on the other, it feels like she's been with us forever. She's doing really well in the days since we met. She's very independent and opinionated but I am more so, so I am confident that I can out last that to teach her healthy dependence and loving relationship.

Remind me of that when we've been home awhile

and she's still not "getting" that the tantrums on the floor

don't wash with Momma. Heh.

Yesterday I was talking with Lily about why we were spoon-feeding an almost two year old, explaining that we were trying to "re-wire" her brain and her heart for a new understanding of "family." We want her to eventually grow to be a strong, confident woman who is able to care for herself fully, but we want it to come from the right place. A place of strength and healthy identity. Given the director's descriptions of how the healthy, capable children in the orphanage are encouraged to care for themselves, we want Mei Mei to know that she doesn't HAVE TO care for herself right now. That she has Momma and Baba and a bunch of big siblings who will help her and support her. We want her to be released from self-reliance and survival mode and live in the freedom of healthy dependence, healthy reliance on the people God has given her in this new life. Our intention is that this path will lead her to more fully and more easily trust in the unseen Father to provide all she needs.

Indeed, it is some big aspirations and hopes, but we know that God equips us and sustains us and we look forward to showing her and telling her in the years to come that HE is our source and our strength. I consider it an honor and privilege to be able to parent yet another little gift in the ways my parents taught me. I'm not sure that they ever dreamed that they'd have now 16, soon to be 17 grandbabies learning the lessons that they taught the four of us but isn't that the awesome thing about God's economy? He more than multiplies the blessing when we walk in His favor. I am so grateful that The Boss and I both come from a heritage of faith as the bedrock of our homes.

This adoption trip-hotel home-visit China bubble won't last much longer and I'm trying to enjoy it while I have it. When I think back to how long it took last Sunday for her to trust us enough just to change her diaper, and how sad her face was all that day and the next, I'm really humbled that I get to be part of her healing process, of her blossoming into the little girl God created her to be.

I wasn't laughing at her pain, honest.

I just couldn't get over how much hair she had.

One layer of clothing off, about three more to go.

Poor little thing was just so tense and stressed.

And sweaty. So, so sweaty.

We see her opening up a little more every day and what a privilege it is to be a part of that process. Her eyes are clearer, her smile comes very readily, and she's completely comfortable, even a little naughty (in a completely cute, impish sort of way!), in allowing us to care for her, even in her most vulnerable state. Our learning curve with her medical issues has been a bit steep but we are getting the hang of it and she's so far been very patient with us, now that she's not so wary of what we are doing.

Her health seems to be quite improved from our first day or two together. She is no longer coughing and rattling in her chest when she breathes. Her nose has stopped running and her color is excellent. In fact, we've had quite a few comments about her beautiful skin tone. She's pretty fair-skinned and her hair is very dark brown with only a few shades of jet black. Yesterday in the van, we were commenting that it's actually very similar in shade to Li'l Empress's hair. The texture is NOTHING like her sister's, leaning more toward thick and coarse than Li'l E's hair.

It's amazing to me, even having done this once before and having seen scores of friends experience the same journey, just what an incredible difference LOVE makes. What a treasure it is to be part of that, to have my own heart expanded yet again to take in this love that she is learning to give. Looking over this past week, I am brought low by the gift of being Momma to this gang of mine. All 6 of them.

One week later, Mei Mei was too busy waving to every passer-by

to smile for Baba's camera, as we walked through an ancient

Hutong village of Beijing.

A post on that tour will come later!

Happy Easter, belated

Happy Easter, a day belated. We spent the holiday with family... there's no better way to spend it, especially given all the big changes coming for us all in the coming weeks and months.

There was a great children's program at the start of both services, in which Shaggy did some puppeteering with some other teens to tell a unique version of the real meaning of Easter. Interspersed by a couple songs in which Li'l Empress' class participated. Oh, so cute! She sang with super gusto, every single word, during the first service. But then during second service, she was so focused on being ready for her "job" of holding up the sign at the right time that she completely skipped singing the words. CRACKED us up!

Then, my Pastor BIL invited our gang forward to pray for us and launch us off on our trip to Mei Mei. It was a sweet moment, feeling the covering of our church family and the love that they have for us and for our girl. The little sigh of delight when they flashed her picture, in both services, made me totally tear up. Again!

After services, we headed off to the mountains to spend time with my family and enjoyed a yummy meal followed by deadly, decadent desserts. Orange Coconut Cake. Cadbury Creme Egg Brownies. Angeletti cookies. Sigh.... we all sunk into a sugar coma shortly after the meal was cleared and dishes cleaned.

I have no pictures of that. It's to protect the guilty. Heh. And let me tell ya, on the dessert front, we were all pretty darned guilty!

Hope your holiday celebrations with your family were lovely. I'm so grateful for friends and family that share the joy of celebrating His Resurrection. And for the love that changes everything.

Bustin' A Move!!!!!

Okay, so at about 12:30 or 1 this afternoon, I sat down to explain to you all here (in non-adoption-ese!) that FINALLY our long-delayed case had been logged in to the National Visa Center (in New Hampshire having finally been sent from the Immigrations Center in Kansas City) and assigned a case number. 

That was exciting enough news for this momma, as our case had been delayed by almost two full weeks of things like two major blizzards and a erroneous shipping method. Just thrown in there for the fun of it.

Yes, seriously. Let me explain.

In the couple weeks since I last shared here about our adoption process, we found out that our case was sent to the mail room of the Immigrations Office on the 25th of February, only to be held over and not sent out to the N.V.C. until the evening of the 28th.

THEN, in the process of tracking the package, we found out that it was SUPPOSED to be sent by 2-day air (as their standard course of action) but had INSTEAD been sent by UPS Ground (1-5 day delivery). There hasn't been a lot of laughing about this story lately here.

BUT, just as I was finalizing the update (translating it from the adoption-ese that I speak in my adoptive moms' groups on F@cebook), I got a text from The Boss that the NVC actually had JUST sent the long-awaited visa approval for Mei Mei via a cabled *pdf* off to the U.S. Consulate in China!

Logged in, assigned, AND approved and sent on to the Consulate in ONE DAY. That almost NEVER happens.

YAHOOO! We are sooo relieved and excited to be finally heading toward the long-anticipated wait for travel times....

Here's the handy-dandy visual for you again.... In one day, we went from Step 9/10 (and all the little steps involved within that process) to now waiting for Steps 11 and 12!!!! That little packet is bustin' a move, my friends!!!!!

In adoption lingo, we've been CABLED, baby :)

I am starting to believe that I'm goin' to see my baby before she turns two!

Come back tomorrow, I'll show ya 

what Li'l Empress was up to

all day Wednesday....

The Train is Back on the Tracks!

After 2 weeks of waiting and praying, I am happy to report that the adoption train to Mei Mei is back on the tracks. Chugging via express mail from Cambodia, this much-anticipated form arrived at the front door yesterday.

Last night, The Boss completed the missing information that surrounded Shaggy's original signature, all the way from Cambodia to home, and compiled the entire package of the requested evidence needed to file the Supplement 3.

This morning, he copied it all. As I'm typing this now, he is at the post office arranging for an overnight delivery to the lockbox at USCIS in Texas. Once we receive confirmation that it has been received and logged in to the system, we should also hear that Shaggy's formal request for fingerprinting has been submitted.

It's our understanding that once the request is "in the system" Shaggy is free then to go to the nearest federal offices to be printed. This most likely means that he will head into the nearest USCIS offices once he returns to Colorado next week. We'd, of course, prefer that he have a way to get to the embassy in Pnam Penh sooner than that but it's a good distance from his village to the city. It's idealistic of us, and we know that it is far too much pressure on Shaggy. To boot, it does NOT promise anything in terms of expediting that part of the process according to our Immigrations officer.

As we've mentioned, we do have requests for inquiry in to our local Congressman's office AND our Immigrations Officer has been doing what she can to move this along as quickly as is possible. We feel so grateful for the prayers and the encouragement AND the creative suggestions folks have sent to help us do that on our end.

I know some folks are likely wondering why we've documented here all the details of the process. This is certainly not the exciting or heart-warming part of adoption, is it? But I really want to document it for our daughter. So that she can see what our side of the journey was like as we worked to get her home. I want her to sense our love and our passion for not just making her our daughter in name, but for the fervor we have to surround her in all areas of her life with our love and our unconditional acceptance and care. God's been working something in my heart over the last few months regarding those very things and I'm anxious to get all that down in writing also. Hopefully soon.

But for now, I am sitting back and enjoying the feel of the train moving forward on the tracks to our girl. I can feel it gaining speed in my spirit and I'm glad the derailment looks like it is over!

Not For the Faint of Heart

I was talking yesterday with another mom in our church, inquiring about the state of their domestic adoption process. They've been anticipating a court date for months now, only to have one "paperwork" related issue after another. "No date yet" was her sad report and I immediately repeated to her something a friend told me a long time ago: "Adoption is not for the faint of heart, is it?"  We commiserated over each other's stories and agreed to hold each other in prayer for the specific steps needed to move these processes forward.

The conversation was over but I've been thinking about that phrase a lot since she and I talked in passing. While I said it kind of "off the cuff" (because I am trying to stay focused on His Word and His promises to us despite the many obstacles that keep getting thrown in our path to this daughter of ours), and while I know it's very cliched to even say, I also know how true it is. How REAL it is.

Adoption is hard work. It's messy. It's a lot of hurry up and wait. Only to hurry on to the next phase and have to wait again. And each bump in the road, each obstacle that crops up requires fortitude, strategy, and forward-focused eyes.

But that's not just true and real for adoption is it? It's true of any dream that God places in your heart, any journey that He places you on for your life. It's not easy. It's not smooth sailing. In fact, it's often quite the opposite. It's grueling. It's disheartening. It challenges what you thought about yourself. And if I'm being totally honest, it often challenges what I thought I knew about God.

In the days following the phone call from our Immigrations Officer, I knew I needed to keep this current situation as primarily a matter of prayer. Given all the variables that are involved, with Shaggy in Cambodia and largely unavailable during our regular business hours here in the States, I figured out pretty quickly that whatever solution would come about would NOT be of our own striving or action plans. Certainly we know that there are steps to be followed to fix it all. But I sensed fairly quickly that this would not be an easy or a quick fix and that we needed to be in prayer for our focus to be right throughout. As I spent time fasting and praying on Wednesday morning, I felt the Lord lead me to His Word. To a section of Scripture that has long been a touchstone of my life. In fact, in both of my older Bibles, it's highlighted and marked up. It's a section of the Word that I go back to whenever I feel like I need to adjust my course or my perspective. In my new Bible, it's marked with a date that was just a couple days after The Boss lost his job. Just weeks after our dossier was completed.

When we were growing up, my dad would remind us that this life would not be smooth sailing and calm waters every day. That we would face troubles, persecutions and difficulties. But he also taught us that when life got confusing or when we questioned what to do or what we knew about the circumstances, we needed to go back to what we know. I've said it before, actually fairly recently about this particular adoption journey: Go back to what you know. It's been good advice. I'm so grateful for my parents' training in The Word.

So I am going {again!} back to what I know. And I'm standing on it now. Regardless of what the current status of the "fix" is, regardless of how it all plays out. This is my declaration. And I know it's His promise to me and my family. It's okay that my heart is faint - His never is. And that's what really matters.

"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.

He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.

Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.

The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in

from this time forth, and even for evermore."

Psalm 121 ~ King James version

I look up to the mountains;

does my strength come from mountains?

No, my strength comes from God,

who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

He won’t let you stumble,

your Guardian God won’t fall asleep.

Not on your life!

Israel’s Guardian will never doze or sleep.

God’s your Guardian,

right at your side to protect you –

Shielding you from sunstroke,

sheltering you from moonstroke.

God guards you from every evil,

he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,

he guards you now, he guards you always.

Psalm 121 ~ The Message

Finally.

There's only ONE good reason for two blog posts in one day!!!!!

FINALLY!!!!!

That's right. It's finally here. On it's way to our home right now. To be signed (tearfully and joyfully!) and returned POSTHASTE to move us on to the next step. WITHOUT the clout or advocacy we anticipated that we'd need. When I contacted the agency earlier this morning to see where we were going to start with an intervention, the receptionist said our SW would call back as soon as she could get free. The whole two hours we waited, I really felt the tug of war going on in my spirit that I posted about earlier today. It was so exciting to hear her say, "I have a Christmas present for you guys."  It seems that a package of documents had arrived after my initial call and our Letter of Approval was FINALLY included in the delivery. We're all very relieved that it's here and that we didn't have to "pull out" the big guns 

And wanna hear some really cool "extra" news we discovered? We're already more than a week into our "wait" for the next step (for those who are counting) because our LOA was actually issued - on December 19th!!!!!

We may never know "where" it was, or why it was not showing up our agency tried multiple times to track it, but we are really glad it's here. The Boss has all the next-step-paperwork ready to go in tomorrow's mail. And I'm busy finishing up a care package to "introduce" our gang to our girl. I know. I know. You don't care about any of those "next step" details just now. Really. I don't either. I'm too darned excited to FINALLY be able to share her sweet-ness with you all.

Without further ado,

The Gang is pleased to present to you

Miss Brynna Rose RuiJuan.

Currently residing somewhere

in the huge city of Beijing.

Soon to be firmly entrenched in her loving home

in the good old U.S.of A!!!!!!! 

This is her royal cute-ness, likely when she was
about 6 months old or so.

This is THE picture that The Boss fell headlong over.

He said, "I think this is our daughter" with tears in his eyes.

And a smile on his face. 

This is the picture on her "official referral" form

in the original Chinese.

I really wish we had dates attached to the pictures. But we don't. Only guesses. In fact, this whole file represents a ton of guess-work and really, was such a leap of faith. Especially once The Boss decided she was "The One." But really, it's okay - we're trusting HIM together to give us the answers we need, when we need them. And now we are even in the "knowing" that a file given to us represented "The One." I was certain when we were researching about Li'l Empress's needs that she was "The One" in that journey. And look how great that has turned out for us!

Here she is, doing "tummy time" on the mats.

Again, I wish I had a firm grasp on her age here.

We think she's about 6 months old here, too.

You can see, she's a tiny peanut, regardless of her age.

Here she is, "cruising"  according to the updates

from mid-October.

She's 16 months old in these two pictures.

The file says she's "extroverted" and pleasant.

I think she might even look a little mischievous here.

Like, "hmmmmm, what will it take to totally wrap

this Daddy whom I am hearing about all around my fingers?"

Heh. Not much, sister. NOT. MUCH. AT. ALL.

And then today's email exchanges between us and our agency got even sweeter. I inquired about the next steps from signing and mailing out the I800 paperwork. An email came back with surprise attachments!

Can you believe those cheeks?

She's still a very tiny peanut.

She'll be 18 months old this weekend

and only weighs 18 lbs. and 11 oz.

She's only about 28" tall.

Really. A teeny little thing.

But she's gained some weight since

the last update and that's a good thing.

So, there you have it. Our little mei-mei in living color.

Finally!

We ask for your continued prayers. We will not be disclosing the nature of her need publicly on the blog. But we do need you to know that it is VERY important for this little one to stay strong and healthy throughout the cold Beijing winters. (The Boss checked Beijing weather this weekend and it got down to 7 degrees. SEVEN DEGREES! Oh, my heart!) She will be facing quite a few medical interventions in the months upon coming home to join our gang and it is vital that she continue to put on weight and have a strong immune system to face it all.

Aren't you glad you came by The Gang's place today?! Doesn't that little face just make you want to smile all day long?! Or is that just me? I'm thinking I'm already a little wrapped.  Mmmmm, yeah. just a little.

For those who are not "fluent in China adoption-ese"

this site is an EXCELLENT resource for understanding

the steps of the process from LOA to traveling to our girl!

For the more visual among us, 

there's always this post to help you understand

what we are working through.

In Which I Try To Balance Brutal Honesty With Holiday Cheer

Tuesday morning's update about our anticipated LOA dispersal was basically a "no new news update." Which I know is as frustrating to my agency as it is to us.

I'm trying to be okay with that for now. It's not easy. With the crazy pace of school concerts, parties, shopping, wrapping, and baking we've been keeping, I'm trying to keep my heart and mind occupied. On the one hand, it feels like a giant holding pattern hovering over the days. On the other, I find myself creating a tightly planned schedule of events during the days and then crashing at night to wonder what I accomplished and where the day went. The contrast of it all is exhausting.

I know I'm not alone in feeling this but last week's tragic events are weighing so very heavy on my heart, in addition to what seems like an already hard holiday season for our gang. I'm confident in saying that I do NOT recommend that your first holiday for one of your kiddoes spreading his wings away from home is the best holiday season to also be waiting for another of your kiddoes to find her way home after two years of longing and waiting. Not that we could have managed it or planned it otherwise. But maybe it'll help you as your little ones grow. Sigh. (Sorry, my snark slipped out there a bit.)

When I slow down to think about it all, I am overwhelmed by the enormity of it all: the tremendous losses our nation has suffered, the anguish of parents and families all over the country, the unknown and even danger that Shaggy is facing, the remoteness and the intensity of his mission, the cold hard winter of Beijing, the fragility of Mei Mei's heart and mind... Oh my... I have to throw out a great big STOP sign and make myself change course. Change focus. Immediately.

I know you'll understand when I say that no new news" was not the message I wanted to hear from my agency yesterday. I'm grateful that they understand that, too. On top of all of the other "stuff" these last two weeks have brought, now this delay represents now weeks "lost" as we approach closures for the holidays here in the States. Which will be  followed by closures in China for their upcoming holidays. Waiting through the resolution of this "clerical error" has forced a conscious choice to keep trusting, to keep confessing that HE is sovereign and HE has not forgotten us. Any of us. HE has not. And on that I am standing.

Each time we sit down to the dinner table together in these last five days, I've found myself almost at a loss for words. Choking up at the privilege of having my kids around my table. Praying for my two that aren't home with us and begging God to grant them safety and health while we are apart. Thanking HIM for the honor of even getting to do a dinner together. I've been amazed at the gratitude I am feeling, even in the midst of the frustration and pain. May I be so humble and thankful moving forward when "normal" returns.

And so I pray. I cry, like I'm sure so many of you are doing this week. I sing Christmas hymns and replay over and over my iPod rotation of silly Christmas songs for Li'l Empress to sing along to. And now I'm off to cook and wrap and shop some more. The good news is that in my need to keep busy and NOT focus on Shaggy's absence, the delays to our process, and now the horrific sadness of the Sandy Hook tragedy, I am almost done our holiday preparations. Here's hoping that my Christmas Eve day can be spent relaxing and hanging out with my gang. We could all use the down time of jammies, cheesey Christmas movies, and free-flowing popcorn.

Flexing With the Times

It's a well-documented fact that The Gang has lots and lots of traditions. I've told you before about our annual treks to the lake, always around my birthday. I've mentioned our baking parties with my family for holiday treats. I've shared our favorite songs and movies and recipes surrounding the many celebrations we do here with friends and family.

I've also mentioned that Shaggy would be home for Thanksgiving but that making it home for Christmas this year is just not going to happen. When we planned our family festivities with both sides of The Gang's gang, The Boss and I intentionally built into the weekend some time for just the 7 of us to be together. We had several conversations about what that time needed to look like but no final conclusion was reached.  On Friday, we were pushing to make a decision as we waited for Shaggy to return from his morning out with his cousins and for Dr. D to limp home from track practice.

And Baby BlueEyes, listening and taking it all in, piped up with the best input we'd had to the conversation all fall long. It definitely struck just the right note with us all, because as soon as we mentioned it to Shaggy, 3 of the 5 of us who were standing there just teared up and dripped together. I'm pretty sure this tradition is the one thing my kids love THE.MOST. about our holiday festivities and it was so fitting that we used our one family day together to do it.

The thing about doing it this early this year, is that we had to get a little creative and a little flexible in the doing. After all, the full blown tradition usually involves a Saturday morning trip to a tree farm to cut a big fat blue spruce. And a day of letting it settle before we spend all of Sunday whole night decorating the tree and the whole downstairs of the house. It's an all-day event for The Gang. With lots of home-made cookies and hot cocoa and Christmas music all sprinkled liberally in there for good measure. But flexing things around a little bit was absolutely the right way to make sure Shaggy was involved somehow in our Christmas preparations.

So while Shaggy visited for a couple hours with a friend, The Boss went up and dragged down our somewhat "Charlie Brown-ish" artificial tree and our boxes of ornaments. He rigged a set of lights up and sorted through the ornaments to pull out all the hand-carved ones from Grandpa and the hand-made ones from all five kids over the years of pre-school, Sunday school, and art class projects.

Once Shaggy returned, we placed our order for Chinese food to be delivered and set about decorating the tree together. It's been a long time since we did two trees, so we kept the little tree fairly simple and "kid" focused. Then we sat and ate by the light of the tree and watched "Arthur Christmas" together. It was pretty much a perfect way to do our one night alone together. The movie struck a great balance between silly enough and just meaningful enough to keep us all connecting and listening to them all laughing together was music to this momma's ears.

There's a lot of change ahead this year for The Gang, and we have so far weathered all the big changes of 2012 pretty well together. I'm experienced enough at this "life" thing to know that the pace of change won't quit any time soon. But for this one night, with a little flexibility and creativity, we got to do one of our most treasured traditions {almost the same} as all the previous years. And for now, that's enough for me.