Astounded

For about a week now, Mei Mei has been walking around the house "singing" this repetitive set of sounds that made me sit up and take notice. It really sounded like she was trying to sing SOMETHING, I just didn't know what!

When I took the time to just sit and watch her while she was singing, I was astounded! See, the last several weeks have been full of evaluations, consultations, and doctors' reports that have been hard to wade through. Information has been flowing like a rushing river, about her cognitive abilities, her emotional/social abilities, medical needs, speech and language skills, and more. While not all of it has been difficult to hear and certainly not all of it has been "bad news" it has still been quite overwhelming.

{At this point, I must give huge props to our International Adoption Clinic at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia - they did an excellent job of thoroughly preparing us for all the ranges of the needs listed within Mei Mei's file and then some. Nothing we've heard has been a surprise, even if some things have been slightly more complicated or critical in the ranges of needs than we'd hoped. If you are preparing to adopt, please, please, please look into a clinic such as this one - the information and preparation for your heart and mind and your family's plans is invaluable!}

I've watched her for a couple days now and almost every time she's "singing" she's also sitting in her little rocking chair, either holding her baby or raising her arms up in the air with her eyes squinting shut and her head swaying in time to the rhythm in her head. When I figured out what the repetitive sweet sounds likely are and I realized what it is that is washing over her heart and mind, coming out as "yeaaaaa, yeeeee aaaaaa yuuuuuuuu yeeeeee" I was, again, astounded!

She's singing "Jesus Loves Me."

She's not just singing a song. She's re-creating our time together in the rocking chair at each nap time and bed time when I sing this song and a few others to her before settling into her crib for some much needed sleep. That she's making that connection and imitating it, after only 6 weeks home and probably only 4 weeks of such a regulated routine is nothing short of astounding. That she's often taking it one step further and pretending to worship or to rock her baby to sleep like Momma rocks her to sleep just about brings me to my knees.

THIS is the good stuff of adoption, my friends.

There are many, many hard things about parenting a child from traumatic beginnings. And trust me, as we've been fleshing out the (very likely) details that led to Mei Mei coming home to our Gang, we've realized anew that there have likely been some pretty traumatic experiences in our girl's short little life. To have her HOME, HAPPY, (mostly) HEALTHY, and SINGING her little heart out like this is more of a gift than even I imagined when we were waiting to get to her. And that's comin' from a Momma who has "been there done that" once before. I was (mostly) prepared for the difficult surprises that might come our way - these happy ones still take me off guard sometimes!

{Again, big plug for a great international adoption clinic that has a wide base of information and professional experiences with which to help us piece her story together with the "most likely scenarios" to fill in some of the blanks!}

I posted a link to this article earlier today on my F@cebook page. I put off reading it for a couple days after I first found it because I knew it would be a hard read considering all the transition and anchoring we are settling ourselves into these days. I wasn't wrong. It was a hard read. But also a really good read. Some great reminders for me to step it up in a few areas and some encouragement for the road ahead. Not just for Mei Mei but for Li'l Empress too.

Despite the hard stuff that can come with parenting my little treasure from Ch!na, there are moments that I look at her, rocking in that little chair, singing her heart out. And I'm astounded at the gift she is.

"OOOOOPS! You caught me, Mommy!

And yes, I changed all your settings. Have fun fixing them!"

On a side note: 

I've tried and tried to video Mei Mei "singing" 

but as the resident ham of the house,

each time she sees the camera come out,

she changes up what she's doing

and I keep missing the purity of the moment.

Hence, the surprised look on her face

in the picture above: total surprise mixed with

sheepish recognition of a "no no" behavior! :)

Happy Home Forever Day!!!

I was supposed to publish this yesterday but I forgot..... 

but when you read further, you'll understand why :)

This is another bit of a cross post,

but again, when you read further, you'll understand why :)

Four years ago (yesterday), we touched down in Newark airport with the 5th sweetest gift we had ever been given. Happy Home Forever Day, Li'l Empress!

And I think it's so fitting that (yesterday), we officially accepted the referral of the 6th sweetest little gift God is entrusting to our home. Welcome to the family, Brynna Rose :)

So, as you can imagine, we've been really busy since Monday night doing our "due diligence" researching and educating ourselves on the need of our new daughter. All while praying for wisdom and guidance AND checking the pulse of all the Gang members here in the house for their thoughts and feelings. There's a lot I can (and maybe some day will) say about this journey, but for now, I think that the God moment of saying YES to this sweet little one on the same day that our Little Empress became a US citizen AND joined our whole family's crazy gang is testament enough to how He loves to put the details together for us.

And now, I move to preparing Shaggy for his big adventure. And I guess I should catch up on all the laundry and paperwork that has piled up around my ears while I was crash-coursing on all things medical!

Day 5

Today is Day 5 of Li'l Empress's soft band

bone conduction hearing aid trial.

I know. No warning, no updates along the way to let you know what was coming. Just those little teasers that leaked out at the end of last week. Bad blogger. In my defense, our sweet audiologist kind of sprung it on me quite suddenly at Li'l Empress's 6 month hearing check. The day before Shaggy's big huge graduation party. That rolled right into a big huge June Birthday/Father's Day party. That rolled into two days of Momma Coma while I attempted to recover from the huge adrenaline high I'd been running on for a week or more.

And then it was time for the appointment to start the trial. Whew. I'm still not totally recovered from all of it, I suspect.

Anyhoo!

Li'l Empress has been wearing the soft band for short periods of time for the last four days. We are definitely noticing some things during the trial period that are noteworthy and I'd LOVE to hear from other folks who have done this with their kiddoes to help me understand and gage our experiences.

The most noticeable thing is the funny, almost robot-like way she speaks for the first few minutes it is on her head.  I know it's that she is hearing herself in a new way for the first time in her little life but it provides GREAT comic relief around here. Which is a good thing cuz the other things we are noticing are well, not as much fun.

The other most noticeable thing is how tired she is.  Now, we know that our household has been very busy since mid-May and it's likely catching up to her in many ways. But we have noticed a marked change in the last 4 days - she doesn't fight nap time at all. She is very cranky around 1 every day and falls asleep quite easily. And bedtime seems to be a welcome relief to her for these past four nights. I totally understand why and we've purposely structured our days since Thursday to make sure she is home for nap time and able to "crash" during the day with books or a kid show as needed. I'm so glad our Miss Laura (the audiologist) told us in advance to expect this.

Finally, the other thing we've noticed is that she has definitely been advocating for herself by doing things like relying on visual cues, asking to have the tv turned up or down, and learning how to ask for a break from the band when she's feeling "done." This has come after some serious melt-downs (particularly the first two days) but she's really improving in just the last 24 hours with her choice to speak up for help as opposed to breaking down in a puddle of tears. That emotional "limit" seems to be expanding. That's a very good thing now, but man, Thursday and Friday and most of Saturday were challenging for The Boss and I to manage and talk through with her.

We are loving how she is testing things out for herself. It's so fun to see her testing and questioning and trying to learn for herself. For example, she likes plugging up her hearing ear with her finger and asking us to talk to her to see if she can hear us.  She's testing volumes all the time. Which is kinda cute but also kinda loud on occasion. I'm okay with that, most of the time. We've also noticed that she loves blocking the little microphone on the conductor and making the feedback go crazy. It makes her giggle and us cringe. Which I know she loves.

I've had quite a few folks ask why we are doing this, if her hearing ear is working so well for her. Well, that is a valid question that I've asked often myself. According to her speech and language development, she is pretty "on target," with the exception of a stutter that seems to be lingering longer than is stage/age appropriate. And she is eligible for speech and language services, along with hearing services once she starts school in the fall. But only having one hearing ear can and already sometimes does affect her learning capabilities. The goal of this trial and eventually the permanent use of the aide is to enhance and boost any way we can her capabilities to catch all the learning opportunities in school and daily life. Her IEP stipulates that she have an FM system on her desk at school. The FM system will train her to and give her access to the "important noises" in the classroom - the teacher's directives and instructions that she needs to succeed in her academics. But it will not AMPLIFY the noises around her.

That's where this bone conductor hearing aid comes in. It amplifies all the noises around her by adding sound to both ears. The tiny conductor takes in the noises, turns them into vibrations that travel through the tab on the band, stimulating the mastoid process, and sending the vibrations to the cochlea. We have known for a long, long time (remember the tests she had done when she was really little?) that her right ear hearing was excellent on the inside. Everything that goes from her right cochlea to her brain handles sound and stimulation really, really well!

Amplifiying the noise will allow her to catch other noises such as classmates' input, announcements from the PA system, and other background noises that are regularly missing or at least muffled for her without the aide. This will be particularly important when traveling outside of her home-base classroom. I'm anticipating that it might be a bit of a mixed bag of support when in the gym or the cafeteria, as we've already see that she taps out a bit when all 7 of us are hanging out and we're not being mindful of the expanded experience her aide is creating. Basically, the hearing aid will open up the sound field for her in ways that the FM system cannot.

In the coming days, I'll be sharing more as we are learning. And I'd love to hear from you! Have you been through this with your kiddoes? What insight or observations can you share? Are you looking at a trial like this for your child's future? What questions might you have? I'd love to get a conversation going - this is something that I learned a lot about from other BTDT parents before we even sat down with our audiologists - I'd love to share that with others and make the conversation beneficial to all who want it!

Bad Blogger!

I've been terribly inconsistent this month with my blogging.  I beg your mercy. . . dear readers. Thanks to the couple of you who have checked in on me. I'm fine, really. I've discovered that not only is the kitchen the heart of our home, apparently it is also a metaphor for our life.

Seems when the kitchen is in chaos, the whole order and routine of the home goes down the drain! I've spent a large portion of this week re-arranging cupboards, purging pantries, laying shelf paper, organizing and re-organizing drawers, and re-arranging it all again. Learning new traffic patterns in the more open workspace has been harder than I thought. Most days, I pad around the place in slippers and have had a couple near misses without some good traction under me. In fact, the first day that everything started to go back into place, I actually turned my ankle.  Ridiculous, I know.

I'm happy to say that great progress has been made. Dishes have found homes. Spices have been shelved and labelled. I'm anxious to reveal the final project but with the long hours that The Boss has to work in this busy season at the hospital (I know, figures we'd take on a project of this proportion when there's also a big project or two in process at work!)  This weekend should glean us some great progress. We might even squeak in an attic-attack too.

But please, please, I beg some extended mercy. At the beginning of this coming week, I will be pretty out of the loop here in my little blogging community. I'm going to be out of town taking care of some important family business. I would appreciate your prayers for speedy recovery and improved health for my loved one. And clarity and wisdom for me as I minister and assist.

And soon, very soon, I will share pictures of my beautiful new kitchen. Well, new using old stuff.  Renovations like this make me love my Boss all the more. And when you see what he's done with the place, I think you'll all agree, he's BOSS!

*UPDATED* Update On Baby Christopher

Please continue to pray for our youth
pastor's son, little Christopher.
(You can read the first
request for prayer here.)

Since he was admitted to CHOP on Monday, he has remained stable. However, the doctors are concerned by that and need to see him turn a corner with some serious progression toward improving. It's imperative that he experience a breakthrough, and according to his daddy, these next couple of days are critical.

Our church family has really come together on behalf of this family, gathering for the next week to pray each night from 7-8:30 p.m. If you are local and care to join us as we seek God for a miracle, please feel free to do so. If you cannot be here physically, please consider joining us in spirit as we approach the throne.

This song seemed to be the over-arching theme of Thursday night's prayer time. I pray it ministers to you where you are. And that it be a fragrant offering to our Father on behalf of little Christopher.

Today's news is very hopeful. Christopher's levels have improved overnight and they were able to remove his chest tube. There's been no problems since doing that. It's not huge improvement but certainly "baby steps" in the right direction! Please continue to pray with us and I'll update as healing continues.

Please Pray! *UPDATED*

Our youth pastor and his wife gave birth to a sweet little baby boy this weekend. Baby Christopher was diagnosed with persistent pulmonary hypertension in infants and over the course of the weekend experienced a collapsed lung. He did not respond to the treatment that the local NICU prescribed. So last night, they "Life Flight'ed" him to CHOP.

Please pray with our church family for complete and total healing over this precious little baby. Please pray for his awesome momma, who is recovering from a c-section in another hospital. Please pray for his daddy, while he stands guard over the little guy's crib in the CHOP NICU. Please pray for our church family while we stand in faith for the healing of this future warrior of the Kingdom. Thank you.

I will post updates as I receive them.

Posted at 2:30 p.m: Little Christopher is stable, but still in critical condition. It does appear as if he is responding postively to the treatment regime. The Boss is actually trying right now to break away from a meeting and head over to the hospital proper to pray with Pastor Mike and maybe get him a healthy (read: non-fast food!) lunch. Please, keep spreading the word and praying annointed healing over this little guy!

Progress Report

It's been a long time since I shared a progress report with you of Li'l Empress's comings and goings. She's melded in so beautifully to the Gang and is doing so well that I often take for granted that this is all still relatively new to her. And to us. In fact, this week she turns 22 months old. And next week marks the 9th month since the orphanage director placed her sweaty, crying little body in my arms. In many ways, it feels like that day was yesterday. Still, in many more ways it feels like it was a century ago. This child has so completely captured the hearts of all who are blessed to know her and is so completely OURS that it's hard to fathom any other path our lives could have taken.

The first update is one that is long overdue. Back in March, Li'l Empress had a very big day of testing done. I shared the results of the tests that were immediately available but promised to follow up with the outcome of the CT scan. The ENT called on the morning of Easter weekend when we were loading the van to head to New England and although I took good notes, I was in such a tizzy packing and making all the gang members hit the potty that I completely forgot to make a note to blog about it. My apologies. AND, my sincerest thanks to the many of you who remembered that the results were pending and have asked about them. You are too sweet to remember the "stuff" of our lives!

Anyway, the results of the CT scan were about what we expected them to be, given the education that the ENT had given us after his physical exams of Li'l Empress's outer ear and bone structures. Unfortunately, this also means that she is not likely to be a strong candidate for a bone anchored hearing aid (BAHA) in the near future, if at all. Out of the current 10 markers needed to qualify a patient for a BAHA, Li'l Empress only scored a "bare 9," because the bone behind her microtic ear is not developed or dense enough to sustain the anchor. We knew she was a 9 going into the CT because of the lack of completed formation of that right ear but had hoped that she'd stay a 9 in order to eventually be considered. Of course, the BAHA would open up a whole new level of hearing for her; but the ENT and the audiologist and the pediatrician all agree that her hearing ear is more than sufficient to function and that her speech and language development so far is bearing that out to be true.

Of course, it was hard to hear from the dr. that she will not (barring some "unusual" or "unexpected" growth and development of that bone) get to experience the benefits of the BAHA. I don't like the idea of knowing that there's tools out there that could potentially expand my girl's world or that she won't really be able to take advantage of them. A momma's heart, I guess. I want the world for my girl, for all my kids, and so it took a little bit of processing and praying to be content with what we have and what we are currently doing. A little bit of discontent still exists, and I've just decided that that remnant is what will keep me praying for a holy and anointed touch on my girl's ears and bones. I believe The Great Physician can do it. But I am content to keep it at His feet and keep my energies focused on the steps needed to take to further develop her speech and language skills without the BAHA in the meantime. It's hard to put into words exactly what I mean. But those of you with kids who struggle with similar issues are certain to get what I mean, or at least to capture the heart of what I'm trying to say.

Next up, I'll treat you all to a more up close and personal update of Li'l Empress's speech and language progress. She's having a "language explosion" and gamely attempting everything we ask of her and mimicking all of us. It's been a blast and has created quite a few really sweet and fun family moments for The Gang. If I'm lucky, Shaggy and Dr. D will capture a couple great examples on video, now that the homework load has subsided. It'll be a great study break from prepping for finals!

The End of The Very Big Day

We got home yesterday around 2. Li'l Empress took about an hour and a half to calm down, after crying the whole way home from the outpatient clinic. She spent most of the afternoon strapped in to her high chair watching Barney, coloring and brushing her teeth with her new toothbrush - all so she can't hurt herself from wobbling and weaving around the house! The wobblies and woozies will likely last till this afternoon at the latest.

The process of sedating her went as expected. The hardest part was how freaked out she always is by every dr. office we go to, and this time there were medical personnel all over the place. They gave her Versed to calm her nerves, and she got really loose, giddy, and silly on it. That was fun, but short-lived. The trauma of getting a good vein and being held down will thankfully be masked from her memory, as a side-effect of the Versed. The Boss and I, however, will have that sad memory for a while, I'm sure. It was actually very difficult to participate in the process. The worst thing was when she was finally done fighting the meds and she was falling asleep. Her little voice croaked out, in a teary little whisper, Shaggy's name. Oy! What a drama queen - but she got us and we both lost it with that one!

The tests themselves went very well. The full summary will not be available till next week, but the initial report from the ABR was excellent. The left ear was tested on the four most necessary frequencies for speech and language development and results came back NORMAL! The right ear was tested both with the sound device used on the left ear (similar to headphones) and with the bone conductive apparatus. With the bone apparatus attached (therefore bypassing the "air waves" of the ear canal), the four frequencies came back NORMAL! However, without the headphones, the loss of hearing is considered "profound." It's great news, as that means that there are working, developed parts inside the right side. That is not a surprise, as we know that there is no opening from the outside to the canal. Once the CT scan is read and interpreted, we'll know what the internal workings are that will determine future actions (hearing aid, constructive surgery, etc.) and how developed they are.

From the time she woke at 12:30 till about 2:45, she was VERY agitated, irritable, and down right MAD at us. She calmed down in time for the kids to get home and I'm thankful they didn't have to see her like that. It was very hard to watch, and very hard to know what to do for her. At first, it was kinda funny, to see her so mad and almost drunken in her responses (and very, very loopy!). But then it made me really sad. And she totally got us again in the recovery room, when her first coherent word was again a tearful "Shaggy." This girl really loves her big brother! That, or she thought maybe he'd swoop in and rescue her from all those mean people torturing her!

She stayed fairly calm and occupied right through dinner but by 7 p.m. had reached her threshold for the day. She lost her ability to cope and just melted down into a screaming puddle on the family room floor. She kept kicking her feet against the floor and swinging her head back and forth. Didn't want anyone anywhere near her for what felt like 15 minutes. I checked the clock and the whole thing really only lasted about 5 minutes. It was very hard to calm her enough to start her night time routine. But, when I heated her bottle and finally snuggled in with her, she was out in less that 15 minutes, only 2 1/2 ounces into the bottle. I'm so happy to say that she slept 12 hours straight and woke considerably happier. She's still loopy and wobbly, but is happy to munch her cereal and drink her juice with Elmo and Big Bird for a while.

Thanks all for your prayers and support and encouragement. We have so much more that we've learned about this process in recent weeks. If any of you want more information, please feel free to ask. I've tried to boil down this stuff to the basics and the most important stuff, but it still feels overwhelming to me most of the time. I can imagine that it's a lot for all of you to digest given that you aren't living it daily. I'm very grateful that, for a long while, this will be the last BIG day of Li'l Empress's medical journey! And after reading these long posts, I'm betting that you are too! :)

A Very Big Day!

Okay, so I left ya with a bit of a cliffhanger last week. My sincere apologies! When I wrote the teasers into that post, I forgot that I was hosting my cousin for three days, or I would have written the conclusion to the story and scheduled it for posting while I was occupied with my company. We indeed are still anticipating a Very Big Day for our Li'l Empress on Monday, and we request your prayers to cover us for the Very Big Events of the day. Here's a run-down of the Very Big Day and what we know about the goings on. It's a long one today, so hang in there if you can!

Tomorrow, at 8:30 a.m. Li'l Empress is checking in to the outpatient radiology lab of CHOP's satellite services in King of Prussia. She will be sedated for a 2+ hour series of tests.

The first test they will perform is a CT scan of the right side of her head, looking for the mechanics that may or may not be in place for her right ear. We know that her outer ear is not fully formed (Microtia), and that the canal is not opened to the outer ear (Atresia). They are hoping to be able to see what has developed (and in what stages) in the inner workings of her right ear. This will help determine future courses of treatment for Li'l Empress, regarding reconstruction, bone anchored hearing devices, and so on.

The second and lengthiest part of the test will be an Automated Brain Response (ABR) test. Because her behavioral-based audiograms were inconsistent and inconclusive in her left ear over the course of the last 5 months, this test is necessary to determine what level of hearing loss (if any) she has in her left ear. One of the inconsistencies was that she responded to the stimuli too quickly the last time, showing us that she was anticipating the reward before hearing an actual noise. There were other, more technical issues that I'm still learning about and trying to understand. It's very common for the behavioral-based tests to be inaccurate in children under two. And our Early Intervention team will be doing play therapy with her each month to re-train her to respond to stimuli only when the stimuli are present, among other great things they will help her with!

This ABR will pump noises into her left ear (and if they find anything in the CT scan to suggest it, they may try to test the right ear too) and the audiologist will watch her electronic impulses respond in her brain. Picture little lights sparking up on an electronic map when you push the corresponding buttons. Simplistic, but a good word picture for what the techs will be doing. This test will also be used to determine future therapies, services and treatments for our girl as she grows. It will also give them a base-line to count upon in the event that her hearing changes in her life time.

Finally, we've been told to expect the Li'l Empress to be quite lethargic, loopy, dizzy, moody, and/or sad or mad for quite a while after the test. In fact, they told me to pretty much clear my calendar for all of Monday and most of Tuesday. Many moms even strap their little ones into the high chair or another kind of seat and let them veg out in front of the tv to prevent injury. Given how energetic and happy and bubbly she almost always is, this will be hard to watch!

There are always risks associated with sedating children, and we carefully weighed all our options when the doctors and audiologists presented us with the information. I'm so thankful for the CHOP staff who took so much time to answer my questions and give me details to research on my own. I had one nurse manager comment that she's never had a mom question the types of meds used to the same extent that I questioned her. I find that a bit frustrating and a little sad, but I know I am definitely pretty high on the "need to know" spectrum when it comes to my kids' health. I am no longer surprised by the things other moms don't question. I sincerely wish we could have pursued the non-sedated route for at least the ABR, but I know Li'l Empress well enough to know that I would not be able to guarantee a full two hour nap in a foreign setting under unusual circumstances. She's too much of a creature of habit right now.

So please pray for The Gang tomorrow. Specifically pray for my Li'l Empress - she is at the tail end of a nasty cold and we have been advised that there is a chance that they will not do the tests. While I know that's the safest thing for her, I'm also really ready for her to have them both and be done with it already. The anticipation and suspense is hard on this momma's heart. As always, thank you for the love and support you all have offered along this journey. In this blogging community, and in the sub-community of adoptive blogging moms particularly, I have found such empathy and encouragement. I appreciate knowing you all will hold us before the Father on our Very Big Day!

I'm Still Here

It's been a very busy week, including but certainly not limited to a second round of strep. Baby Blue Eyes did indeed have a sinus infection but late Tuesday night the doctor's office called back to say that the second lab test came back positive for strep. Poor Baby - I can never tell just how sick that kid is because he's just not a complainer.

In addition to the snow day, which was a barrel of fun and came to an end all too quickly, I've been busy re-arranging my daily routines to accommodate my return to volunteer work at our local church. I wrote my first bulletin last night, in 5 months. It was fun, and I'm a little scared at just how much fun I had formatting, writing, editing and putting my touch on it again. I mean, isn't that just a tad weird?! Seriously though, I do thoroughly enjoy serving my church family in this way and I love that I can pick it up again.

I'm still working on the logistics of getting to the church offices to print and fold it all. Currently, our church offices are on the second floor of a lovely old house-turned office building (which by the way, I could totally gut and restore to its former glory as a colonial stone farmhouse. Oh, the deep window sills! Oh, the exposed beams and rough cut stones! Oh My!). Lugging Li'l Empress, who is no longer so little, up and down those stairs with my arms full of diaper bags, snacks, and bulletins is a bit more than I can envision for my current Mom-abilities right now. Where oh where is Classic Mama and her Super Powers when I need her?! I think, for the time being, I'm going to have to wait till Shaggy and Dr. D are home from school on a Friday or head out on a Saturday morning when The Boss is here.

Right now, I'm off to a consultation with Li'l Empress's pediatrician. We need to get her on a plan for catching up and re-doing her immunizations as soon as possible. Unfortunately, after her first round of blood work came back in October, we learned that most of her original immunizations were not up to U.S. standards. This means a lot of extra shots. Additionally, much of her blood work needs to be repeated, some for further clarification and some for standard re-checks that CHOP always does for international adoptions. It also means plenty of tears, for baby and momma.

I'll be sure to post soon about the recent developments in Li'l Empress's growth and progress since I shared last time. We've also got some good plans laid out for treatment and interventions - CHOP has a great program for families of children with unilateral hearing loss. It's an awesome support network and they don't let ANYTHING slip through the cracks. What a blessing to have such support and resource at our finger tips!

Have a super weekend. We're excited to host an over-nighter with my niece and nephew while the big kids go on a weekend retreat with the youth group. I call it an "over-nighter" because calling it a "sleep-over" seems so silly. I'm fairly certain there won't be a ton of real sleeping for any of the little cousins!

Where Have I Been?

Okay, I am back. And praying for a really boring week. Uneventful, dull and plodding. Here's just part of the reason why! Stay tuned later (maybe today?) for the rest of the eventful weekend wrap-up. I swear, I need some industrial strength bubble wrap for my gang . . . Let's just say that the self-imposed hibernation came to a screeching, screaming halt on October 31. There's no hope in sight of extending it or letting it gently recede into my memory. The calendar is mysteriously full again. Life is back to its roaring, raging pace. And I'm not keeping up very well at all.

After the dust settled from LadyBug's broken arm, we went right into two days off of school and a sick little Baby BlueEyes. While I'm grateful that he didn't have to miss school because his virus conveniently adhered to the district planning, I was sad that his time off was mostly spent sleeping and wandering around in his jammies moaning about his aching head.

We were able to put off real life by one more day, as The Boss's team of colleagues hosted a shower for us at his office on Thursday. Getting into the city with a baby and back was an almost all-day affair! Bottles, food (which she refused anyway!) and extra clothes. Oy! But the shower was lovely, complete with a great cake and pictures from our trip posted all along the wall. It was very thoughtful and so sweet of everyone to rejoice with us in our little treasure.

Once The Gang and The Boss all headed off to regularly scheduled life on Friday, I kicked into high gear. I had lost time to make up for. I had stuff to do. I had plans.

I also had something brewing. Something scratchy and raw in the back of my throat.

By Friday afternoon, I made an appointment with my nurse practitioner to be checked. Her words were not comforting. "Wow, that's some serious yuck you got going on in there" as she peered down my aching throat. And, "I can't believe you have been up and about all day today. Usually a throat that bad would have someone flat on their back." Finally, my personal favorite was, "You probably waited too long to get this checked. This must have been bothering you for quite a few days now." Um, yeah. But I lost two days home with a sick kid, two days the week before with another kid's broken arm. And I haven't grocery shopped in weeks! I really had to keep moving.

I filled my prescription (Did the doc tell the pharmacist that I needed this for a raw and inflamed throat?! That pill is humongo!) and headed home to straighten up. My good friend, Kateri from Blessed Beyond Measure, was on her way for a visit, and to join us for a "Welcome Home" party that my family planned for Saturday for Li'l Empress's official debut to our friends and family. Bless her heart, Kateri was so understanding of the ahem, shall we say, "laid-back style" of entertaining that I mustered on Friday night. I'm just hoping that she didn't see the bathroom before Dr. D got to cleaning it after dinner for me! We had a great time chatting and catching up. I just wish I'd felt better and our time hadn't been so limited by getting dinner on the table and kids into bed! Maybe next time. . .

Saturday we headed to THE Partay! It was obvious that my sister and my mom put a ton of work into the preparations. It was decorated very festively by my nieces and nephew and the smells coming from the kitchen were amazing! Pizza from my home-town pizzeria, baked ziti, meatballs and sausage, pasta alfredo, cookies and sweets galore. Mmmmm. Shaggy was in heaven!

The guest list included several friends from church, some surprises from my home church in NE PA, my cousin, and other friends from our former church in Central PA. We were so humbled and blessed by the generous, loving support, the encouragement and the effort everyone made to join us in celebrating our Li'l Empress. I found myself in tears quite a few times over the course of the day. The only sad tears were from missing my other sister and her Viking Clan. It was hard to celebrate without them, but I knew they were with us in spirit.

Here are a couple pics from the "winding down" part of the party. We were too busy visiting and enjoying our friends and family to even remember to use the camera most of the rest of the day! At this point of the day, there was only a fraction of the crowd still around. The house was PACKED all day long!

Saturday night, we got everyone home and showered and into bed at decent hour. The Boss and I really rushed them all through the routine, as he could tell I was hanging on by a thread. Finally, at 8:50 p.m., my body cried "Uncle!" Long and Loud. I was chilled and feverish and in bed by 9 p.m. I was done.

Stay tuned for the run down on our eventful Sunday. Here's a tease: our local hospital is getting quite familiar with our health insurance ID number. :(

Update

Baby BlueEyes, Aidan loves the pink

light-up toothbrush you guys picked out for her :)

We've been in contact with our doc at CHOP all morning and with her consent, we are going to try and ride it out here by doing the saline nose drops, steam showers as needed, and Benadryl a few times a day. We feel fairly confident that it's a head cold and are treating it as such. Please keep praying and we'll keep you updated.

It's been a hard 24 hours, as the homesickness is setting in. Sleep deprivation and sensory overload is weighing on us also. Add to that Li'l Miss Stuffy Nose and I'm finding myself near tears too frequently. We took a quick walk out to the local KFC for take-out lunch and faced with all Chinese writing and no familiar pictures of my favorite fast food, I had to turn away to stem my tears. I hate that! And on the walk back, I caught a pick-pocket going after Todd's cell phone, apparently after finding nothing of interest in the camera bag, which was open too. I yelled at the pickpocket (out of character for me in a public place) and teared up again.

We plan to spend the rest of the day hanging out here at the hotel, reading and napping and watching bad HBO and time-delayed CNN. We may treat ourselves to the Western buffet in the hotel tonight also. I brought along Pastor Dave's new book, Hope Beyond Reason, and it's been really ministering to me. Someone, please share that with him. Additionally, I am so grateful for all the work Shaggy did to load up my iPod with great tunes. I spent yesterday's nap listening to my favorite hymns and felt refreshed and built up. Our Bibles were too heavy to bring, so The Boss's iPod daily casts will have to suffice. I'll be soaking some of that in this afternoon also. As I was typing this out, my precious darling said "MaMa" for the first time. Whether she knows what she's saying or not, I'm taking it as a gift from My Father, reassuring me that I'm in His hands. She spent the next 15 minutes before her nap, babbling "MaMa" and giving us that little scrunchy-nose smile. Thank you, Lord!

Thanks for your prayers. I'll share the adventures of last night's dinner at the dumpling house soon. Be warned, the pictures will be of tasty treats :)

Please Pray

For the past three days, Aidan has been battling a stuffy runny nose. We knew to expect this, as the change over to air-conditioned air can be very hard on a baby's sinuses. But now she is coughing a full, icky cough. She has slept through the majority of the coughing the first two nights, but of course Todd and I have not slept well at all.

Last night, it got so bad we had to steam up the bathroom and stand in it with her for about 1/2 hour. I gave her a mini-dose of Benadryl and she finally fell into a sound sleep until about 5 a.m.

But this morning, she's coughing again and slightly feverish. She's a bit out of sorts but still pretty pleasant. However, our doctor from CHOP has advised us to seek treatment for her. It is essential that we guard against ear infections in her hearing ear and imperative that the congestion be dealt with so we can safely fly her to Guangzhou on Tuesday.

Please, pray for our baby girl. It grieves us to see her so uncomfortable and we are wiped out.

A Bit More About Our Girl

**This is actually Part 2 of a summary of information we have been able to glean about our new daughter, Aidan. If you have not read Part 1, go here first**

The new report we received on July 30th (from the orphanage phone call that we ordered through LadyBugs N' Love) gives even more insight into the wonders of little WBN's personality and growth. At 11 months, she weighed 17.6 lbs, was 27.5 in. long, with a head circumference of 17.7 in. To give you a comparison, LadyBug (at one year) was 18 lbs., 28.5 in., and a head circ. of 17.7 in. So we know Aidan is tiny, but certainly not undernourished or failing to thrive.

She appears to be hearing very well out of her left ear, locating sound and responding appropriately. Her speech is still developing normally but she has not had further hearing testing to determine details about her right ear. Our docs at CHOP have indicated that the most likely scenario is that she will be permanently deaf in her right ear, and that reconstruction of that ear is going to be purely cosmetic if we (and she) so choose. There is no emergent need for treatment for this condition and it is indeed considered to be a minor special need. She appears to be compensating well. Once we arrive home, settle in and really feel bonded and attached, we will meet with the audiology dept. at CHOP and do the higher level evaluations and testings that they've recommended.

It still appears that she is taking a nice long nap in the middle of the day and rising by 6:30 a.m. She goes to bed at 9 p.m., so that gives The Boss plenty of Daddy time in the evenings after work, even when he gets home on the later train. One-on-one snuggle time will be so good for both of them by that time of the day! The report says that she likes to be outdoors, and that she likes to "make eyes" and stare at people when she plays with them. I'm guessing (from my research and interaction with other moms of kids with Microtia) that's a somewhat of a compensating mechanism to help her focus in on sound location; but from the impish grin in one of the photos, it might be a little bit of baby flirting too. I'm totally cool with that - she can flirt with Daddy, her big brothers, cousins, and uncles all she wants. That's it, though. I'm putting my foot down!

Here's another quote that cracks us up every time we read it:

"She is full of personality. She'll scream loudly if it doesn't go as she wanted (strong will), sometimes she'll clap her hands also."

She will fit in just fine here - all four of her sibs have varying degrees of strong wills (I have NO idea where they got THAT tendency!). I am well-versed in many methods of distraction and re-direction. Another note that melts my heart is that she likes to be sung to, danced with and played with. I cannot even begin to describe how excited I am to begin the singing, dancing, and playing! In fact, Shaggy has been putting together a playlist on my iPod labeled Aidan's Music. It includes kids' praise and worship, Disney soundtracks, lullabies, Scripture memory songs and more. We are searching for a little pair of speakers that we can plug into our iPod to take with us on our trip. A friend of The Boss's from CHOP has suggested that we include some Chinese music to that playlist to help her connect a bit with something familiar in the transition of leaving her foster family and joining our family. We're looking into that too.

So, that's sums up what we know so far about little Miss Aidan. It occurred to me the other day that I really need to come up with a great screen name for this little girl - and I'm wondering what you all think now that you've read this? We have a couple ideas here, but we thought it might be fun to hear from you! Be creative and share your ideas - you might just pick the perfect name :)

A Bit About Our Girl

I thought today's posts could be a bit of a summary of what we know about our little darling. It's been an exciting journey toward learning about her and what her caregivers perceive to be her personality. We look forward to learning even more about her on our own, once we are settled in and "doing life" together. Here is Part One - to help you start to get to know our little peanut!

WBN was found on August 15, 2007 near the local police station by "common people" (to whom we are forever grateful and deeply indebted!). She was sent to the police station where a search for her "relatives" determined her to be abandoned. She was sent to the Children's Welfare Institute in her city, and determined to be approximately 5 days old. Date of birth was determined to be August 10, 2007.

In the examination process, WBN was found to be in overall good health, with "moderate nutrition" and "loud crying." Well, of course she was crying - she needed her mama! At that exam it was also discovered that she had a deformity of her right ear. This medical condition is known as Microtia/Aural Atresia. (More on that in a later post, I think.) All other portions of the exam showed her to be healthy and normal for her age.

In February 2008, (when she was 6 months old AND when we chose to pursue a special needs adoption!) a complete summary of her life at the orphanage and medical information was compiled to enter her into the Waiting Child program. The growth curve that we've been able to trace indicates slow and steady growth, even if she is a peanut on both the American and the Asian growth charts. She was reported to be a sound sleeper, with a generous nap in the middle of the day. It appears that she was eating some solids, but was mostly still on stage 2 formula (send me your Nestle and Good Start coupons, gals!). A fun little anecdote about her love of food: when she saw the workers bringing food to the babies, she would "be happy and wave her arms." (Sounds just like Shaggy, eh?!) At this exam, she was described to be "a child with heroic spirit, firm and persistent with inflexible will like a boy (huh? or like her Mommy-to-be?!) while tender, quiet and gentle like a girl." I'm guessing that these last couple traits helped them choose her two names, which mean "cherished or precious" and "tranquil or peaceful." Additionally, the examiner noted that she likes to be cuddled, she can locate sound and respond to her name being called, and was starting to babble the basics sounds. (All good signs for one with Microtia/Aural Atresia.).

This information was presented to us within the file that we received back on July 14th. It was a lot to take in and the doc in the International Adoption program at CHOP was incredibly helpful in sorting out the details and understanding information "behind" the written words! Next post, the updated information we received on July 30th . . . .

Happy Birthday To ME!!!

I just got the very best birthday present ever. In the history of birthdays. Last week we had requested an "orphanage phone call," from an agency that helps waiting families connect with their waiting babies. In that call, the liaison speaks with the contact at the orphanage and asks 10 questions we submitted with the order. These things help us keep track of Aidan's growth and development and to help us "get to know" her while we wait.

I've been sweating it yesterday and today, knowing that we were heading out after lunch today. To a remote cabin on the end of a bluff. With no cell reception and no wireless internet connection. Not a problem, ordinarily. Unless you are STARVING for updates on your precious little girl. Which we are. Which I was! At the 11th hour, LITERALLY, we got the report back from that phone call. And the best-est part of it all is that they included PICTURES of our baby girl. Without our even asking for them!

I present to you Miss Aidan, in all her 11-month-old glory.

From the report, we are gathering that she is quite a spunky little gal. Here's a quote from the report: "She is full of personality. She'll scream loudly if it doesn't go as she wanted (strong will) . . ." Hmmm, she should fit right in. Strong willed I know.

She appears to be a great eater, and not picky at all. She takes a long nap in the middle of the day and rises early. We might have to work on that :)

Please pray for our little Aidan. She is currently residing in a foster home connected with the orphanage. We must press in and pray for the best possible care and for healthy and loving attachment to us when she leaves that home. We also feel very impressed to pray for spiritual covering and protection, as we know nothing about the foster home in which she resides. Please join us in praying for the Holy Spirit to prepare her hearts for us, to guard her against any plans of the enemy to thwart this adoption, and for a supernatural protection over her heart and her mind against anything that is not of Him. Additionally, please pray that our Letter of Approval and our Travel Approval would arrive QUICKLY. Seeing her beautiful smile only makes us long for her even more than we thought possible!

I have two other fabulous pictures to post, but they are very large files and I can't get them added in right now. These should tide you all over till I can figure out how to do that. In the meantime, go back and enjoy you some Aidan cuteness. Gobble up those adorable cheeks and that toothy grin. And rejoice with us that our daughter is healthy and waiting for us!

Happy Birthday to me!

Finally, The Post You've Been Waiting For!

This is Part 4 of a series of posts meant to catch you up on the last two days of our adoption journey. If you have time, you might want start reading at "Begin at the Beginning" first. The whole story of our family's journey can be found by searching "adoption" in the upper left search bar. Enjoy the ride!

So late last night, after calling the grandparents and sending out pictures of little B.N., we sent our Letter of Intent with our acceptance of the referral to our agency. We said Yes!!!



Are you ready for the "it gets better yet" part? This morning I shared the journey of Monday and Tuesday with another great friend and she said, "Are you ready to be a little more freaked out?" See, she had an email sitting in her Draft file that she hesitated to send Tuesday morning. The gist of her email is that in the adoption process, sometimes we know too much. Sometimes knowing all we know about these prospective children of ours works against us in some ways. For example, something like this:

If this were a biological baby that I was carrying in my womb, would I love her any less when an ultrasound showed this medical condition? Would I ever, ever consider not carrying her to term and loving her and seeking the best treatment available for her care?

Now you've got the goosebumps, too, don't ya?! How cool is that? Are you freaking out with it all like I am, even now while I'm telling it all to you? I'm telling you, God has been mighty at work here and we are blessed. We are a blessed family. And I won't even go into all of what the Lord did and said to me on Sunday in church, during a fantabulous, eye-popping, clearing-the-debris and re-arranging the furniture in the rooms of my heart and mind sermon on "Suffering." Suffice it to say, God was just warming me up for the events to come. I was loving what He did and that would have been enough for me to chew on and digest all day Sunday and likely into the next few days. But God doesn't do anything by halves, and we are living testament to that.

So, I know you've all been waiting for this. You deserve it. You've hung in there for a very long day of very long posts. I've not been quite this long-winded (worded?) in a long, long time. But you gotta admit, the story is a cool one. And even if you are bored to tears and cannot stand another minute of my long-worded-ness, the pictures below should make up for it.

Here she is, our daughter. Aidan Hope (Chinese name to be added later?).

Joy In The Journey

This is Part 3 of a series of posts meant to catch you up on the last two days of our adoption journey. If you have time, you might want start reading at "Begin at the Beginning" first. The whole story of our family's journey can be found by searching "adoption" in the upper left search bar. Enjoy the ride!

Okay, sorry for the interruption! I've been looking forward to this visit with my friend AS and her boys for some time now and I was so disappointed with myself that I couldn't pump out the story fast enough to finish up before she arrived. But I knew I still had to shower, clean the house up a bit and get dressed before entertaining company. And believe you me, that shower was a necessity! I got so excited talking about our story with my fellow Curves girls that I lost track of the time and worked out harder and longer than I really had time for! (I know, you are all shocked that I would get carried away talking . . . of all things!) (And truthfully, some of you are probably shocked that I work! It's okay, I am too most days.)

So where were we? Oh yes, driving to the park. So the park was fun - except for the kid who puked on the top step of the huge landing to the ginormous tube slides. That was gross. But it was fun to share brief details with the gals who showed up and I could feel myself getting excited about the possibilities and enjoying the idea of this little girl. We headed home and I headed for the couch. The less than four hours of sleep while worrying and fretting was catching up to me. I got up from my nap to find a return email from my wonderful, straight-talking friend who also has a special needs daughter. The whole email was JUST what I needed to hear. Everything she said, point for point, had me laughing and crying and seeing the foolishness of all I had dumped on her earlier that morning. The huge take-away though, was that she lovingly reprimanded me for not letting myself look at this little doll's pictures. Here's an excerpt from what she said to me:

I think that you should look at her picture...soak it in. If you got a sonogram and the docs said that something wasn't just right, you wouldn't stop looking at that picture. You wouldn't close your eyes and forget she was your daughter until she was born and the reality of it smacked you in the face. You'd stare at that picture, talking to the Lord, asking him why your child has medical issues and is He sure you can handle them. You'd find peace in what you and your daughter have been handed through prayer and conversation with Him. You would soak her every nook and cranny in.... loving her for the child that she is....Yours, God's gift to you and your family.

See what I mean? JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR. And it gets better. Seriously, it just kept getting better. For the sake of time, I'll skip to the family dinner meeting. The in-between stuff is good, but these posts are entirely too long, even for a word-girl like me!

At dinner, we were discussing the file, sharing with the kids what we'd learned from the docs and such. At one point, I started feeling like the "luxury" of plenty of time to make up our minds was actually working against us. It was kind of enabling us to keep looking at her medical condition as if it was the sum total of what this decision would entail for our family. Something rose up in me and I stopped the conversation rather abruptly. I put The Boss on the spot and said, "If we were told right now that we had to decide by 9 a.m. tomorrow whether or not "B.N." was meant to be Aidan Hope Whitney, what would YOU say?" I wouldn't let him out of it and I wouldn't let the rest of the kids answer till he did. He pushed back a little bit, kind of half-heartedly, and then just welled up with tears. He said, "I'd say yes." I went around the whole table, and put each family member on the hot spot the same way. Without hesitation or additional commentary from Shaggy (which is HUGE, I must say!), each of us said "Yes." The joy was indescribable. We were rejoicing and laughing and a lightness entered our home that was palpable. The burden of fear and uncertainty had fled!

Later Tuesday night, I was able to steal away for a couple minutes to calm down and I called the director of the prayer ministry of our church. She let me share all we'd been going through and asked me a couple questions along the way. When I got to the part about the sonogram, she was totally silent. As I finished, she shared with me that the Lord had given her a similar word to share with me in response to my frantic and stressed morning email, using the same illustration. The very same one. I totally got goosebumps. It gets better yet. . .

Mired In The Middle

This is Part 2 of a series of posts meant to catch you up on the last two days of our adoption journey. If you have time, you might want read "Begin at the Beginning" first. The whole story of our family's journey can be found by searching "adoption" in the upper left search bar. Enjoy the ride!

Monday afternoon and evening, we got to spend babysitting our adorable Teagan. (You know her from this post. Go there now - we all need a little dose of Teagan today! I'll wait till you return, I promise. Go now!)

As I spent time snuggling her and praying over her and over the little girl that we were reviewing, I felt myself struggling to connect with the idea that another child was being presented to our family. I kept seeing over and over in my mind the medical research I'd been poring over and wondering if we were up to the task of raising this child with this need. I focused my prayers on releasing the fears and the worries and preparing myself for the consultation with the International Adoption docs that we're working with from CHOP. Our appointment was set for 8 p.m. Monday evening.

Much like last time we did a medical review, the whole conversation left me completely overwhelmed, sobered, and not a little freaked out. I know I'm no medical expert, but neither am I a dummy. The sheer volume of information was enough to make me want to crawl into a hole and pretend that birth defects don't exist. I know, I know. It's her job to tell me all that this birth defect encompasses, and what things we need to think about and research and get ourselves informed about. I'm just saying to have all of the information dropped on my brain at 8:00 at night is not the best way to help me find a good night's sleep! Unfortunately, with my brain whirring at speeds it's completely unaccustomed to achieving during summer break, I lost a bit of the ability to think clearly and make good judgement calls. I hopped on-line. Oh, yes, I did. I know, what was I thinking?!

I belong to quite a few on-line support groups and forums for the adoptive family. One is specific to our Living Hope community, some are only for parents heading to China, and some are for
special needs-track parents, like me. I started clicking and typing and reading all kinds of information, coupled with what I had NOT fully processed or prayed over from our review with the doctor from CHOP. You know, the professional. Who had way more than opinions and experience at her fingertips. The one who had factual information and medical experience to share with us. Yup, you guessed it. Inside of one hour, I found myself mired in fear and doubt. I was so focused on the "what-ifs", and the "how-do-we's" and the "can I get more's" in the information-gathering process that I started looking at this process as a file to be reviewed. As a medical condition to be discussed, dissected, and decided upon. I stopped looking at the referral as a child.

In the midst of all this, we went to bed and I slept less than four hours the whole night. I was up by 6, poring over research again, sucking down coffee and trying to find someone's story that would reassure me or scare me off completely. I'm ashamed to admit that I plowed through a pile of paperwork and mail and ignored THE ONLY STORY I needed. I took a couple minutes to shoot an email to our pastors and our prayer ministry coordinator, and to dump a huge, long, tearful and vulnerable email to another SN mom I know and love. By the time I was ready to do a V-8 style slap to my own head, I was running 15 minutes late for a MOMS' Group event (that I was hosting!) and I had yelled at the kids at least three times in my frustration and unsettled spirit.

I loaded them all in the car, stopped at the bank and repented to my kids for my frenzy and frustration. We purposed in our little Honda Odyssey to use the next 1/2 hour of driving time to pray and talk together about this child. About her medical condition and about God's plan for our family and for her life. I prayed over the kids, and spent some time praying out loud over the path that we needed to walk in this decision-making.

You'd think by now, at just weeks shy of the big 4-oh!, (Please, I cannot even say it out loud. Typing that was painful enough!) that I'd have caught the signs sooner. That I'd have recognized much earlier that I was reverting back to old behaviors. Old patterns that kept me for years from a deeper and more fulfilling intimacy with my Jesus than I had imagined was available to me. Nope. At least not yesterday morning or Monday night. But the peace and rest that came over me in the van while we drove was so refreshing and calming. It prepared me for the events of the rest of the day. Events I needed to approach with a fresh perspective and an open heart and mind. Nothing like a little repentance to your kids and your Father to re-start your day the right way. It even beats a good cup of coffee!

The Things We Know

Thank you, friends, for the generous prayers and support. I've taken some of your comments and words of encouragement and posted them throughout my house, to remind me and my family that we are loved and that His Word is true and right. We still have no answers, but are coming to a place where we can accept that. He is really the only answer we need, and everything we KNOW about Him and His ways keeps washing over our hearts and minds. Here's just a sampling of the things that we KNOW. The things that we are trusting Him to work out, and to work in us, to His glory. The things we KNOW we can stand on.

"And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

"In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:4-6

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging. Selah

Psalm 46: 1-3