How Sad Is That?

The other day, we had a torrential downpour. I'm talking, the kind where the rain is driving sideways and the hail is flying freely. The temperature dropped several noticeable degrees in minutes. It was windy, dark, and not just a little startling. But we were warm, safe and dry, so we thought little of it, except to marvel at the ferocity of it.

Later, when things were settling down a bit, I had to run Dr. D (which now stands for Dr. Defense.... pics coming tomorrow with a fuller explanation of why...) over to football practice.  On the way home, I noticed a local utilities worker packing up his truck. He was working under some trees, was thoroughly soaked and I really felt bad for the poor guy. The temps had not climbed back up at all - and wet and cold is probably the worst combination of "states of being" that I can think of in moments like that.

I pulled over to the shoulder of the road and rolled down my window.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, ma'am?" He got an almost angry look on his face, immediately as I opened my mouth.

"I just wanted to stop and tell you that you guys do great work and I'm thankful you are out here today."

Now he had a puzzled look flashing across his face, "Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious. I'm pretty sure you need to hear it today."

"Seriously? Ma'am, NO ONE ever tells me that. Usually, they stop by to tell me exactly the opposite. Wow. Thank you very much."

I smiled, and put the car back in drive, "Well, I am thankful. And I'm glad I told you. Have a great day."

As I drove away, I was chuckling a bit to see him standing by his truck, watching me drive away. He still looked dumbfounded. And all I could think was how sad it is that folks actually stop on the side of the road to tell a random utility worker what a terrible job he (or, to be fair, his company) does to take care of its customers. And how sad it is that he was genuinely shocked that I wasn't doing it, too.

Really. How sad is that.

You've Been Served

Do your kids say that to each other? I mean, after someone has dished out a really snappy (often sarcastic or jibing) comment or comeback? I've heard it off and on from my four older kids a lot lately. A. LOT.  In harsh, snarky tones. Usually followed by a laugh or snort by the older, snappier  dudes. It really bugs me on a couple levels, especially when I've seen and heard it used as a means of furthering one's own agenda or exploiting another's weaknesses. It's become almost a catch phrase for a whole attitude that I think has recently infected our house. (Along with the second round of strep, fourth cold, and various and sundry allergy related ailments.)

So The Boss and I decided it was time to do something about it.

Well, The Boss and I agreed that something must be done about it. I actually did the doing this morning. First thing out the gate. Mondays are good that way for me. Fresh start, clean slate and all that.

I mean, I tackled it first thing out the gate AFTER I had my morning coffee started and AFTER (yet another) call to the pediatrician to schedule a squeeze-in appointment for Baby BlueEyes. I do have my priorities you know.

So, yeah. Anyway.

We've been frustrated these last few weeks with the degrees of selfish behavior and speech we've seen in our Gang. We know all the STUFF that goes into making it this way: the unending rainy spring days, the sniffles and colds, the ages and stages of development, blah, blah, blah.  But we also know that the WORD says that that STUFF isn't an excuse for sinful behavior.  And quite frankly, just between you and me, The Boss and I have been pretty lax about addressing the ROOTS of these behaviors. We have gotten caught in the big 'ole yawning trap of treating the behavior. Of reacting to the inconvenience and chaos that the behavior creates. Of slapping band-aids all around. All the while, green, slimy oozy stuff has been leaking out around those band-aids. Wounds have been inflicted and infected. And here we are, slapping band-aids all around.

Oh. Gross. That's a nasty metaphor.

But it works. Metaphorically.

We talked a lot to the kids over the weekend about truly loving each other. About serving each other out of the abundance of that love. We reminded them that NO ONE in this house should EVER. EVER. EVER. feel unsafe, disrespected, or unloved. That in OUR FAMILY, we don't inflict wounds. We heal wounds. We MUST heal each other's wounds. That we all have a part to play in that. And that dadgum it, we were all going to be doing something to change it up and get at the roots in each of the Gang.

The thing is?  Getting at the roots requires heart change. Heart surgery, if you will, to dig out and excise that little root of sin that is at the bottom of those wounds. And a doctor who is walking around with big nasty oozy wounds of his her own is kind of infectious. Contagious. And NOT in a good way. If you can guess where I'm going with this, then maybe you've been there, too? Kind of a "Physician Heal Thyself" thing goin' on here at the moment . . .

I know, I know. Enough with the oozing wounds, right?

So, where was I? Oh, yeah. I did something about it this Monday morning.  My new motto is "If you aren't going to serve each other out of love, then you WILL serve them out of sheer obedience to my command."

Heh. That sounds way harsher in black and white here than it did when I actually summarized it for my sweet little Gang members.

Basically, my new, inventive, getting-to-the-root-of-the-selfishness-between-siblings tactic is going to look like this:  if a little Gang member dishonors, disrespects, or otherwise hurts another member of this little Gang, the offending member is going to be instructed to serve that offended member in a very specific manner. For example, when a certain sibling responds to a certain other sibling's request to start her half of the weekly trash job with a huff and a puff and rolling of the eye, said sibling will be instructed to extend her portion of the trash job by emptying the diaper pail for the requesting sibling. And when she pouts at this new and creative disciplinary tactic to her Momma, she will further be instructed to fetch the big brothers' nasty, stinky, dirty laundry basket and sort it for a load of colors to be started.

(Not that any of this actually happened Monday afternoon around 4:40 p.m.)

Loosely, I am thinking of it as a kind of a "fake it till you make it program for kids."  A focused, concerted effort at teaching them that interacting with one another always has a consequence attached. And that if they choose NOT to behave in a manner of loving servanthood, they will be carrying out a consequence NOT of their choosing that benefits and serves that person regardless. They'll either keep faking it or they will experience a change of heart toward one another and MAKE IT real servanthood. Real love and covering and care.

If nothing else, there's going to be a lot of jobs done (grudgingly or otherwise) by a particular couple Gang members.  And I know one little Gang member who might not have to make his own bed again till September!

As for my own, nasty, infectious STUFF? Well, I'm working on it. My worst habit I've decided that I need to address is to bellow and screech speak less. Even if it means biting my tongue. This effort of responding to their yuck with an example of control and patience and intentionality is really hard. It's especially hard with Li'l Empress, who is in a lovely toddler stage of whining. About everything. Sometimes repeating the same whiny phrase over and over and over and over.  It's so much easier to respond to her with a similar level of whining, in my adult voice, of course. {Snort.}

My vocal cords are thanking me already and it's only been a day or two. But my tongue hurts.  I think I might have drawn blood on that last bite.

Confronting the Ugliness

Last month, I stood in line with my family at a check out, in front of a middle-aged dad. We were in a W*lM*rt in upstate NY, en route to our vacation at the lake. Just the big happy Gang of us, hanging out and stretching our legs while we snagged some groceries for the week. He was accompanied by his young teen son and his elementary-aged daughter. We were all just kind of perusing the tabloid headlines, as we waited for our turn to be checked out.

With a sneer and a grumble, the dad said (and I'm likely paraphrasing here - it was a month ago), "Yeah, that J%n oughtta get his own show and call it J%n's Great New Life, since he finally got smart and got rid of that b**ch, K@t&." He and his teen son laughed at their own wittiness and mumbled something about how horrible it must be to live with a "br0@d like her. . . "

Now, I've been silent thus far here on the blog regarding the whole TLC show debacle. Not because I don't have an opinion. Or a conviction. Come on, you all know me way better than that. You KNOW I've got opinions. I've just chosen to stay silent. To me, it's a much, much bigger issue than I think any blog post or even series of posts could do justice in addressing. And frankly, no matter my opinion, most of it isn't any of my business.

But this guy?! With a mouth like that, in front of his kids AND mine? And a short-sighted, evil, mean-spirited opinion like that?! Yeah, I wasn't silent. I was incensed. I took a deep breath and turned around. I looked both of them directly in the eyes and said, (again, I'm paraphrasing!) "Yeah, except that by chasing his great new life, he's left 8 kids virtually fatherless and that's just pathetic."

My kids and my hubby were surprised at how I addressed it. And frankly, so was I. It just kinda spilled out. Like I said, regardless of how I feel about the whole story, this interchange was just a symptom to me of how ugly we've allowed our culture to become.

Rejoicing over a broken family?
Reveling in another man's freedom
from his "b*#ch" of a wife?
Disregarding the damage inflicted
on the precious little hearts of those 8 kids?

Honestly, I was just so appalled that he would voice those sentiments. And that he would speak like that IN. FRONT. OF. HIS. KIDS. AND. MINE. And I'm so deeply saddened for the two kids, that they are being (intentionally or unintentionally) trained to disrespect the opposite sex, to disregard the institute of marriage, and to mock others' misfortune.

And don't even get me started on his manners, to even be discussing such an issue in his crude way, in front of the whole check out line at the local W*lM*rt.

I spoke up that day. I couldn't take the ugliness for another second. And I hope I'm that brave to confront it again if I come across it. In my own town. At my own store. Closer to home.

Thank God It's Friday!

I can't remember the last time I so longed for Friday. I love the feeling of wrapping up my weekly chores. Bustling around the house to finish laundry. Checking the calendar for the coming week's events. Folding that last load of laundry till Monday (for the sake of my sanity and a break in the "scenery" we have a "no laundry on the weekends" policy!). Squeezing in a baking project. Planning meals for the the next few days ahead. Typically, these are all the things that make up my perfect Friday.

I think I may have mentioned in the last few posts that my weeks have been anything but typical as of late. In fact, it's been a rough and rocky road here lately. I hinted at it in my last post: beyond the broken arms, viruses and infections, there's been some other things going on here. Things that weigh a mom down. Things that make the day-to-day difficult to navigate. Things that make adjusting to a "new normal" even harder than it should be. Things that have long-term implications for our health and well-being as The Gang.

None of these other things are any different than what stuff other families deal with, but after much prayer and talking with The Boss, I've come to the realization that these things are all being dealt with wrongly. We've all been looking at these "things" and reacting to them. We've been weighed under by them, allowing them to press us to the mat. And when we've been pressed, frustration, anger and selfishness has been leaking out all over. We've been attacking each other. We've each been looking at what we need to do to make it through the day for our own needs. We've been tearing each other down. We've been feeling defeated and continuing to act out of that defeat.

After a rocky and frustrating start to our day, after I allowed my selfish expectations and angry feelings spill out all over my beloved family, I stood in my kitchen and felt sick to my stomach. Recognizing the feeling for what it was, I quickly repented to My Jesus and then to my hubby. The Boss and I made a plan to have a family meeting tonight, to share with The Gang our observations and our (re-newed) perspective of the activities around here. During this re-focus and our re-connection with The Gang tonight, we hope to re-establish who we are as a family. Who we are In Christ. And where we are going. Together. Re-draw the battle lines, if you will. It's time. Frankly, it's way past time and I'm sorry that it took me this long to see it.

So, I've got a pot of soup simmering in the crock pot. There's a loaf of bread rising in the bread maker and some peanut-butter cookie bars cooling on the counter. I picked up a fun family movie we've all been dying to see. And around our great big family dinner table, we're gonna have that talk. We're going to repent to each other and to the Lord and we're gonna start fresh.

Mmmm, maybe I'll frost those cookie bars. Can't have a deep, intimate conversation about intentionality, team building, and self-less loving without chocolate frosting on peanut butter bars. Now, can we?

Redirected to Truth

Many of you already know about the great series of essays written by the guest blogger over at "Like I Was Saying," (this link should scoot you right to Part I) but for those of you who visit my blog and aren't connected to that network of gals, I'd like to encourage you to head over there now to read the 3 part series that's been going on for a few days.

Over the years, I have talked with many women and found the topic of judgements and divisions among women to be a fairly universal struggle. Because of the culture in which we live, the temptation to compare and contrast our lives with the others around us can be overwhelming. Powerful. Because of our sin nature (and we are ALL born with it!) for many of us, it comes out our mouths in harmful and wounding ways. Reading the series that Stephanie has laid out, I've been more convicted than ever to dig into the Word and seek the Truth about who I am - according to the only standard that ever matters: My Heavenly Father and His Written Word. This sequence of essays has sparked to be one of the more logical and concise discussions on the topic that I've read. And one of the more difficult conversations I've had with myself in a long time.

Leading up to this discussion of unity among women, I found myself thinking things that weren't holy or loving. Worse, I've said things out loud that first of all, I'm not used to saying out loud, and second, that I've had to go back and apologize for. They were things that most wouldn't think to repent over and I got some funny looks and assurances that it was "okay." But it wasn't okay for me. It was wrong and as humiliating as it was, I had to repent. It actually happened a couple times in the week or two before this series started. My Heavenly Father was graciously prepping me for the work He wants to renew in my heart.

This year I've begun volunteering with our Home and School Association whenever I can lend a hand. I've also offered my services to classroom teachers and the librarian. Whenever I'm with those moms, I tend to get very quiet and hold myself back. Some of it is my insecurities and sometimes false humility. I still don't know how I'll be accepted. But I feel fairly certain that I've given a wrong impression of who I am and what I'm about in those times. "I don't always know how to respond to some of the conversations around me," has been my excuse. But it's just that: an excuse. I do know how to respond. The Word says that a gentle answer turns aside wrath. The Word says that gossip is wrong. The Word says that I must speak with love. That I am a child of the King. The Word says that I have something to offer - and that something can change the world. And the heart. I DO know how to respond. I just haven't been faithful to do it.

As a result of this series, I am also feeling convicted and encouraged to adjust my tones and thoughts and words in regard to the women around me. I'm feeling pressed to look at the Moms in my life and find ways to further encourage and strengthen them in their walk with Jesus and in their parenting journey. I'm feeling very pressed to be a warm, loving, safe friend whenever I can, where ever that leads. Thanks to "Like I Was Saying" and guest blogger, Stephanie, I've been redirected to the Truth in this area of my life.