Bloom Where You Are Planted {Grandma Rose}

Today, my Grandma Rose went home to be with Jesus, to worship Him forever alongside of the love of her life, my Grandpa Sam. She had a long, full life and I was so very blessed to call her my grandmother.

Grandma Rose was born in the midst of some very hard, spare years in both America's story and her family's story. She was one of 7 children and lost her mother at a very young age. She grew through the years into a beautiful young woman with a gentle and kind spirit. She caught the eye of my Grandpa Sam at a young age and their love story is one that I had tremendous privilege to see in person, even well into their final years together.

As I sit and process her passing, the memories are tumbling. 

Snippets of the great tenors and Italian arias wind through my mind. 

Smells of deep red marinara sauce and fried chicken cutlets come alive. 

Her incredibly soft arms are brushing mine while I sit next to her at the table,

listening to the loud, boisterous laughter between the aunts, uncles,

cousins, in-laws and "outlaws" that were always welcome at their table. 

Thanksgiving feasts of turkey, stuffed shells and lasagna 

spread along the two long tables in their basement.

Sitting at her old-fashioned dressing table, pretending to be 

a grown-up "fancy" lady while playing with her hats, pins, and pearls.

Perhaps one of my favorite memories that I replay the most often, even now, is one that took place in her kitchen almost every time I was with them. Grandpa Sam used to pretend to spar with her as she washed the dishes or folded kitchen towels. He was a huge boxing aficionado and he would dance around her, punching the air and saying "Come on, Ro! Have a go with me. Give me your best shot." Her blushing brush-offs and sweet, almost embarrassed and yet tolerant smiles brought me such peace and enjoyment as a kid. Even at that young age, I remember LOVING how they brought us in to their love story with his winks at me when he snuck up on her in the kitchen. With how she rolled her eyes when I would giggle at her "Oh, Sam" responses. As an adult (now that I've learned so much more of their story before they became the patriarchs of this big family we are now), I see so much more. I didn't know it then though. I didn't know how much those moments would come to mean. I just knew I felt loved. By watching their love. 

Grandma Rose wasn't one of those hot-house roses, fragile and easily overcome by the elements. She wasn't green-house born and raised, withering easily for lack of water or care. No, my Grandma Rose was a Knock Out Rose. Yes, she was a beautiful woman. A knockout as they said back in the day. But I'm talking about these beauties. Knock Out Roses are known for their full, lush blooms and for being very low maintenance. They don't require specialized care, perfect soil or optimum sunlight to thrive. They are drought-hearty and their roots spread wide, allowing them to spread and grow well in almost any place they are planted. They bloom where they are planted and then some.

My grandmother was that variety of woman that bloomed regardless of her surroundings. She had a hard childhood. A really hard one. She and her siblings were forced to cling tenaciously to each other, to intertwine their roots and hang on for dear life. And hang on they did. Back then, there was very little special care available to that scrappy immigrant family. They just had to dig in and do life together. When they married, she welcomed my grandfather's even larger family as her own. Together, along with her siblings and his, their love and commitment crafted even deeper roots and lush, full family trees. Their tenacity yielded our close-knit, loving extended family. It was, as I've said before, a wonderful way for a child to grow - connected to generations before me.

Grandma Rose wasn't as loud and boisterous as others in our family were. Usually, she'd be found working quietly in the kitchen, watching the kids playing in the yard from the window over her sink. Or quietly joining the conversations from her spot behind the long counter. She was gentle. Soft-spoken. Humble. Honest. The perfect straight-woman to Grandpa's light-hearted antics. She was steady. Reliable. Comfortably predictable and constant. Along with my Grandfather, her quiet, persevering root system spread its life to three beautiful daughters onward to 10 grandchildren and now to 19 great-grandchildren. Those blooms are beautiful and plenteous and growing still.

We didn't know it when we named her, but our little Mei Mei's personality couldn't really be more opposite from the great-grandmother for whom she is named. But I DID know that the beauty of a Rose, that the joy and life it gives, takes many different varieties so it felt like the perfect fit at the time. In the years since Mei Mei has been home, I've learned that my grandmother and her little namesake share some very similar hard beginnings to their stories. Difficulties that my grandmother overcame and used as a root system to build the life she shared with my grandfather. My grandmother's story and my daughter's story began worlds and generations apart from one another. Nevertheless, their roots are deeply intertwined now. That is the miracle of family, is it not? It is my dearest dream that our Mei Mei will push that root system even deeper, spread it further, and continue the legacy of beautiful, plenteous blooming. That she will carry her name proudly and feel rooted to the heritage into which she is now grafted. No matter the hardships she has faced or will face as she grows.

For several years now, my best friend has been suggesting to me that I fill the front garden with Knock Out Roses because nothing else has grown well there. This Spring, I will do that. I will plant several rose bushes in honor of The Knock Out Rose that my Grandma was. I will remember and I will tell my children that so very often the most beautiful blooms come out of the hardest of hardships.

Good bye Grandma Rose. Thank you for your gentle, loving ways.

Thank you for digging in and doing the hard stuff and creating

this beautiful family we love. Give Grandpa Sam a huge hug for me.

And maybe just a fun, soft little punch in the arm.

I know you have it in you! I love you.

My Tapestry

See that babe in arms? That's my Uncle Johnny. He passed away yesterday, leaving a legacy of kindness, gentleness, and love of family. He was the last of my grandfather's siblings to pass away, the youngest son in a big, loving, Italian family.

Of course, none of them were perfect, but every single memory I have of these great-uncles and great-aunts is just that: GREAT.

Outbursts of laughter around overloaded tables.

Good-natured teasing and bickering.

Stories of stark but happy childhood.

Bear hugs & kisses until you were gasping for breath.

And yes, food. LOTS and LOTS of food at every single gathering.

OH! THE! FOOD!

Not a bad way to grow up. Not at all.

By now, you all know I'm hopelessly sentimental when it comes to matters of family and legacy. Uncle Johnny's passing has provoked a myriad of memories all rife with emotion today. Anchoring all of those feelings is an overwhelming gratitude, I'm so incredibly grateful for the great big tapestry that both sets of my grandparents' generation wove for me and my generation.

This tapestry has been many things

for many people in our family.

A work of art, giving testament to the family's status and standing in society. A witness, if you will, of that which they have achieved together.

A rich backdrop, giving color, depth, and texture to our collective coming story as new immigrants to this country. Bringing their history to their present.

A thick and stable rug to stand upon, when building a life together. A plush but firm "take your stance" kind of setting point.

A soft landing place, a net of sorts that was wide and secure into which they could fall when hard times rocked them off their feet.

A warm wrap into which they could burrow when life felt cold and brutal.

Today, we mostly think of intricate tapestries as works of art to be hung on a wall. But a true family-woven tapestry wasn't always meant to be just gazed at and admired. Admittedly, we aren't as familiar with the many uses that a hand-woven, artfully crafted tapestry can have in today's world. We don't need one piece to do all those things anymore. We have Wayf@ir for rugs and T@rget for sweaters, right? But if you look back in history, family tapestries had many functions beyond their artisan beauty.

It strikes me that my family tapestry has both beauty and function that is sadly becoming more and more rare in this culture in which we live. I'm proud to declare that I will stay anchored to both families who wove this tapestry before me. I will continue to teach my children well in the art of weaving their rows to grow it strong and beautiful for generations to come.

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Uncle Johnny, say hi to Grandpa Sam for me. Enjoy your reunion and your time to worship Jesus to the strains of heavenly Italian opera with him. You are missed here. All of you.

Why Break With Tradition?!

It's time for the annual First Day of School post. And for the "First Time In Forever," you all get the added treat of updated peeks at my gorgeous gang. I know, it's been a while since you've seen their faces 'round these parts o' the blogosphere!

{You are more than welcome for THAT ear-worm... 

it's blasting in the kitchen right now and I succumbed. 

I am weak. I admit it. And now I'm laughing at you

because you are hearing Ana in your head just like I am.}

Anyhoo.

Our "bonus daughter" had a VERY momentous First Day yesterday. She returned to us late Friday night from summer at home with her family in Beijing. She's still a bit jet-lagged and trying not to be anxious about all the SAT prep work she has ahead of her and layered on top of her Honors course load. In spite of it all, she made it to the bus on time and is officially a SENIOR!!!!!!

Today, we sent our LadyBug back to the public school bright and early. For those not following me on F@cebook, she came home in January to do cyber-schooling after some health issues that made the public school pace and routine pretty hard to manage. It was a great season of refreshment and retreat for her and she is confident that she is ready to handle her JUNIOR year. Seriously, how did this sneak up on me like this?

Next to head out the door was Li'l Empress. This girly of ours was so ready for her new school year to start. She's super excited to be in the upstairs of her building - it's a milestone that all the rising third graders wildly anticipate in our little school community. Yes, I said it. THIRD. GRADE.

After Li'l Empress climbed happily on her bus, Mei Mei and I ran inside to finish getting ready for the morning. Then we were OFF to the elementary school for their annual Back To School Celebration. It's always so fun to meet the new teachers, say hi! to the old teachers, and catch up with friends after the long summer apart. I'm particularly thrilled that Li'l Empress is going to be with her sweet little buddy "S" again this year. She's a sweet friend and so very encouraging and kind to all her classmates. It goes a LOOOOONG way for my girl to have that security and confidence in her friendships.

As soon as Li'l Empress' class was escorted into the building to start the day, my little Mei Mei fell apart in a puddle of tears. She kept saying over and over, "I miss my sissen" and wiping her tears with her Beebee. She was a soggy mess by the time we got to the van. It was decided that a little pit stop at the local Chick-Fil-A was in order, to cheer our spirits and distract both of us from missing our Li'l Empress.

Then, suddenly, it was time. Yes, that's right, the day has arrived. Mei Mei began her first day of PRE-SCHOOL today. Oh, my heart. This girl was a STITCH to listen to once I told her it was time to get ready for her drive to school. Giggling to herself while I dressed her. Wiggling in her seat trying to eat lunch. Covering her mouth in "OH!'s" of anticipation and looking over my shoulder on the 5 minute drive to see if we were "dere yet?"

Until we walked into the building. Upon which time she started muttering under her breath, "I not want go pee-kool, Momma" over and over like some tribal chant. I exercised HERCULEAN effort to not crack up and to take her anxiety as seriously as she wanted me to, but man, it was hard. SUCH a HOOT.

Oh, and yes, Yes, that IS in fact the very same dress that Li'l Empress wore on her very first day of pre-school. I'm totally a sap like that and I am so excited that she chose it from the line-up. And that I'm still smarter than my kids most of the time to make her THINK she chose it. Yeah. I still got it, baby!

I hung out with her for about 20 minutes, chatting with the teachers and helping her feel comfortable. It was fun to point out to her all the things that Li'l Empress enjoyed when she was a student there. Once she was sufficiently distracted and feeling comfortable, I headed out and the teachers reported that she only cried for about five minutes. And I didn't cry at all. :)

It sure helped to have her little buddy in the classroom - he's the youngest son of the director from our adoption agency AND LadyBug babysat for him and his big brother all summer long. Here she is watching for his car to pull up to the drop-off door. Both his mom and I got the story later that they held hands when they walked together and that he is her new "bess fren." So cute!!!!!

When we headed back to pick her up at the end of the afternoon, her very first words to us were "I had SUPER! FUN! today! Mom!" She had all kinds of great stories to share and pretty much was wiped out and ready for bed by 6:30.

You might have noticed that BBE has no First Day pictures. That's because the poor kid got hit with a a nasty tummy bug that kept him up most of last night. Prayers that no one else gets it here would be so appreciated. We have BIG family plans for the holiday weekend and we've been looking forward to them for the whole summer long!

So there you have it. The Traditional First Day wrap up. Thanks for hanging in there for it all. Hopefully soon I will have something incredibly wise and deep and important to write about. Till then, all these cute pictures of my kids make me happy. And it's my blog, so that's all that really matters, right?

Hope your First Days were momentous and memorable too. Here's to a GREAT 2015~2016 school year!!!!!

DIY: Family Photo Wall

Last year, shortly after the holidays, I spied a cute re-vamp of a family's photo collection and tucked the idea away in my mind for future reference. Then in June, when The Boss lost his job and we had lots of projects lined up that were free or really inexpensive to fill some of his time, I pulled out the idea again from the recesses of my brain and got him going on it while I was using the days to sort through end-of-the-year school papers for each kid. He took a ton of frames from storage and various spots all over the house and spray-painted them all a high gloss black. This part of the project was totally free, as we had the paint (we always have glossy black spray paint, it's a staple!) and the frames were mostly sitting in storage unused and dusty. They turned out beautifully and it was a quick and easy way to create a unifying theme for the big project I had brewing in my head. I started a file folder of all of our most current favorite pictures of the Gang and started printing and tucking away other things I wanted to round out the project.

However July got really busy with some other pressing projects and then so many other issues took over (many of which I'll share in my coming series of gang member updates). Finally, during Christmas break, when The Boss was working from home and the bigger kids were free to watch the two little girls, he and I dug in and finished the project. Here's a peek, with a progression of the two days' worth of work.

This is how the big wall started out. I loved the simplicity of that large twig wreath over the couch but other members of the Gang made fun of it regularly. I moved it to the front living room and the proportions there are much better for the new space but some gang members still mock it. Sigh.

I had this family photo from November 2013 put on a large canvas, thanks to a great coupon code from my sister to Easy Canvas Prints. It was a new idea to me, though I'd seen others do it and I'm really pleased with the way it turned out. I am thinking of other projects now that I can do to update and freshen our walls around here!

This was the starting point, using our family photo as the anchor. We had previously placed all our favorite pictures into the newly sprayed black frames and tried really hard to get a good mix of shapes and sizes and orientations of the pictures. To give us a better perspective of what the final product would be, we laid the pictures out on the floor in front of the couch, arranging and re-arranging with help from LadyBug, who has an incredibly artistic eye. Her suggestions and tweaks were almost always "spot on!"

We just built on the anchor line and filled in with a combination of posed and candid shots. We also included some of our favorite artwork from our different trips to China that have meaning for us. But something was not quite right. It just felt, even with the couple pieces that we were still fitting into frames, that something was off-balance.

Baby BlueEyes came in from playing with the little girls and agreed that something was "missing." Right away, he said, "Hey, what about the 'Our Family' quote you have up in the dining room? That's black and white and it's a perfect size for the big empty space you can't quite fill."

Well, what do you know? He was right! It's a perfect fit for the space! Apparently, HE has a great eye for aesthetics as well. I'm still impressed by his suggestion!

Later that day, I headed down to our local crafting store and found the script-style letter "W" to add to the top of the arrangement. And there you have it! Our Family Photo Wall is done. Well, almost done. I've got about three or four other pictures I want to print and add. I'll just  move the picture of my handsome soldier boy up a little bit. But that's the beauty of this arrangement. We have a good amount of wall space still to work with AND we have things placed in a way that I know exactly what I can add and where.

I got so excited by all the work we finished that day that I took some extra time that weekend to find frames for all our updated cousin and extended friend & family pictures, too. I love having all the people we love best in pictures where the kids can see them and stay connected that way. Some of the annual Christmas cards we got were just stunning and lent themselves well to framing, too. There's a really inexpensive idea for you - at no extra charge! Take those Sh#tterfly cards of your sister's kids or your best friend's family and frame them! Youarewelcomeverymuch :)

I'm so pleased with the project and the whole thing cost us less than $100, canvas, mats and lettering included. Even when I go and print the three or four pictures I am working on, this will still come in under a hundred dollars. SO exciting to have current pictures of our gang - I seriously still find myself looking at the wall and sighing in happiness.

Family Day {6}

Six years ago today, in a dusty hot Civil Affairs office in Xi'an,

a beautiful squalling baby girl was handed to me.

Six years ago, my arms finally got to embrace

what my heart had been holding for months.

YEARS, if you really know my story.

Six years ago, this lovely, spunky, sensitive, little firecracker

changed me forever as only the gift of life can change.

I'm so grateful for the gift she is to our home. To our family, immediate and extended. I love the way her little mind works, always thinking, always processing. She's intuitive and inquisitive. She's loving and expansive. She's a treasure and it's such an honor to parent her.

It's a beautiful day for our family to look back and remember. It's even more exciting to hug her tight and revel in the forever that stretches ahead of us. We are blessed. Beyond measure, we are blessed.

6 Months of "ALL HERE!"

I'm still here. So much to say and so little time to say it all. But this week, we're celebrating another fun milestone. Mei Mei has been home with her gang for 6 months, as of tomorrow morning. Having The Gang really finally be "all here" after years of longing for our girls and months of waiting for her specifically to make it home has been more of an adjustment than we anticipated. Not in bad ways but sheesh, the calendar is HOPPIN' on a daily basis and I'm regularly amazed at the juggling of all things "mommy administration" that I'm learning. So many things have fallen through the cracks, things that I never missed before. It's been humbling and annoying too. But we are getting a good groove and I feel quite content most days with the routine we've settled into around here. Most days. {Snort}

As for Mei Mei, I'm happy to report that her adjustment has been almost seamless. It's like she was just primed and ready to become the missing little puzzle piece around here. She's settled in with a great big happy sigh and barely a blip in some of the ways that we anticipated struggle or bumpy roads. In these last 6 months, Mei Mei's also been cleared of all possible anomalies that often come with her presenting diagnosis. She's made HUGE strides in language - in fact, she is trying new words daily and we are regularly astounded by how "conversational" she is becoming. Her personality is BLOOMING. She has a very mischievous sense of humor and surprises us with how intelligent her "people skills" are. She's displaying all kinds of signs of very healthy attachment, and her confidence in our love for her and her place in our home is so much fun to watch. We've been able to drop her off to the nursery at church and at my Women's Bible Study consistently for several weeks now and she barely bats an eye. In fact, last week, before I was even ready to walk out, she was blowing me kisses and saying, "Bye! Bye!" She's a great sleeper and we're working on helping her be a good eater. Still can't get her to touch vegetables. Of any kind. Ever. Except potatoes. But we've got some fruits that she consistently likes, so that's big too.

The Boss has been busy getting together all the supporting documentation for our 6-month post placement report, after my 2-hour meeting with the social worker last week. I know lots of folks complain about the meetings but I have to say, I had fun tracking our progress out loud and seeing the journey from the social worker's viewpoints. Admittedly, it was also fun to spend the morning talking with an adult and not repeating myself a hundred times about leaving the cupboards closed and "please don't unstack the diapers." :)

Here's one of the pics that is required for the report - and sadly, one of the only that exists of all 8 of The Gang together. We're working on a family picture sitting with my friend, Marie, who always gets amazing shots of my kids. Which JUST reminded me, I still haven't submitted my order for Mei Mei's 2-year pictures that we had done back in JULY. OH, UGH. I'm so behind in so many things. I'll share those soon, too. Once I get the order placed, that is :)  AND if I remember, I'll share Dr. D's senior picture, cap and gown and all, with you too!  But for now, here we are - 6 months into this Gang of Eight! We're rarely "all here!" at the same time unless we're sleeping. So this was kinda monumental.

Fanning The Flames

I think I might have neglected to mention this to ya'll: Dr. D has spent the last ten days in Alaska! How cool is that?! He is part of a ministry work team that was sent by our home church to go and support the work of Last Frontiers Ministries. As soon as we knew about the trip, we just KNEW that this was something he had to do. And from the reports that have been trickling in for these last days, we weren't wrong. It's been awesome to hear things like "killer work ethic" and "in his element" and "awesome team work" from him and from the other folks with whom he has been serving. Makes a momma's heart proud!

His most recent status update on F@ceb**k alluded to his love of the beautiful land and the fact that he could see himself going back and settling there. Heh. Imagine how much this momma loved hearing that! I assigned one of the team members the special task of being 100% certain that Dr. D gets on that plane and comes home to his momma. The team arrives home tonight and we cannot wait to hug him and hear all about his adventures!

But seriously, what a blessing to be able to launch him off to something that is so life-changing and at the same time, so RIGHT UP HIS ALLEY! I love that God takes such joy in the way He wired my boy AND that He crafted an opportunity like this one for Dr. D to learn more about His Great Love and His plan for his life. As I'd mentioned in my previous post about his enlistment, we've known from a very young age that God had a very creative and unique wiring built into our boy's heart. This trip and the kind of ministry that it offered, with its brand of teamwork and its type of practical ministry (like digging trenches, weatherizing, and other construction projects), set in that rugged environment are indeed integral to the man that Dr. D is becoming. I'm not sure I would have known this as a young mom, but I gotta tell ya: as the mom to two almost-adult young men, one of the most exciting things I get to experience is their steps into that plan and the path that sets them off to pursuing it. I'm so proud, I could burst open with it!

This is now the second short-term missions project one of our Gang has done and I have to say, we are hooked! The benefits AND the lessons that these experiences bring to their lives are really invaluable. Early in our marriage, The Boss and I both did a couple short-term experiences (as staff) with our former youth ministry so we knew that it was something we'd incorporate into our bag of parenting tricks. We are anxious to see what opportunities will be available when LadyBug is ready to venture out.  And we are SUPER excited about a potential trip that The Boss is hoping to take this coming March, ministering in a manner that is very near and dear to our hearts. I'm equally excited about what his experience on that trip will speak to our kids as they watch him prepare and hear about it when he returns. Fanning the flames of ministry in our kids' hearts by exposing them to all different kinds of opportunities to serve around the world is a really fun part of being the Momma to this Gang He's given us!

As soon as Dr. D has settled back in and we get our family debriefing out of the way, I'll be sure to share more about the trip and some of the pictures various team members have shared. Who knows, maybe he'll be excited enough to "guest blog" a photo post?! Until then, here's a sneak peek at a pic my brother-in-law shared with us.

In the meantime, if you are the momma to a little one OR a teen, consider including a short-term missions trip in your family's "curriculum" for launching them to adulthood. You won't be sorry - it's a priceless life-changing experience!

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If you want to hear more about some of the experiences and resources to which we are connected, I'd be happy to share! Leave me a comment or shoot me an email and I'll be in touch!

Mei Mei - 1, Momma - 0

When we were little and would cry dramatically over something not really worthy of such a display, my mom would mimic us in a horrendously melodramatic manner. Usually, it was hilarious enough to distract us and get us giggling within seconds. Sometimes, the more stoic of us (umm, that would NOT be me) would not cave quite so easily and she'd take it up a notch.

It was just one of the MANY displays of my mother's creative skills of distraction that headed of the need for formal correction. She was a master. Still is, as many of the grandkids can attest.

I've taken many a page from her book over the last 19 years of parenting. I'd been thinking about this particular trick for quite a while. Searching for the key to breaking the mood that she myopically gets stuck in once this cycle starts. Wondering if it would work on her unusually single-mindedness. Waiting for the right moment to try it out on Her Royal Ridiculousness.

So the other night, when Mei Mei was in a ridiculously overtired state, being ridiculously melodramatic about every little bump and offense, with ridiculous amounts of wailing and (faux) weeping, I pulled out my trick.  

She came to me while I was prepping dinner, moaning pitifully and on the verge of bursting into great big crocodile tears over something of pathetic origins. For about the 79th time since nap time.

I scooped her up, held her close and started my own over-the-top version of her wailing and weeping. Loudly. Ridiculously dramatically.

She stopped. Stared at me in shock. Silent for oh, ...a millisecond.

And proceeded to mimic me. Mimicking her.

OMIGOSH. Seriously.

She clearly won that round. I lost the round. AND my composure.

Literally, I laughed till I cried.

Then I cried some more. It's official. All 6 of my kids are smarter than I am.

The Joy Is Greater

Mei Mei turned 2 on June 30th. It was a beautiful day to celebrate our girl, even if the weather wasn't perfectly cooperative.

The cousins swam, we ate burgers and dogs, Grandma Bonnie made her FABLIOUS (Li'l Empress' new word o' the day!) macaroni salad, and we enjoyed a perfect day together. It was awesome to watch her blow out her candles - she knew JUST what to do, as The Boss had his big 45th birthday just a few days earlier.

It was such a treat to introduce her to our family birthday traditions and to make sure that her first birthday home with us was grand and memorable! I loved watching her figure out that the gifts were for HER. That ripping open that paper would bring a fun new surprise guaranteed to make us all "oooh and "aaaah" while she explored it. It was pure joy seeing her new family just wrap her up in all their love and affection and carry her along on the wake of "forever."

 

But when I had a few moments alone to think and observe the goings' on, I was also a little sad. I watched her giggling and teasing her cousin with her trademark impish grin and wondered what her birth mother was feeling at that same moment. I couldn't escape the thought that her birth family will never know what an amazing, delightful, brilliant child she is. That pierces my heart each and every time I think on it.

While we may never fully know exactly what led them to place her at the orphanage, we certainly understand that her physical needs and health issues might have been the predominant factor in their choice. Culturally and economically speaking, it's likely that they were completely ill-equipped to handle what they knew she likely would need. But it couldn't have been an easy choice for them, knowing what a gorgeous and sweet baby she must have been. The early pictures of her just take my breath away - her perfect little rosebud lips, her long sweeping eyelashes, and those deep onyx eyes. Thinking of it tears me apart - their pain and fear juxtaposed against what I can only (maybe niaveley?) assume was utter joy in looking at their pretty new baby girl. I don't know any of it for sure, obviously, and I can only suppose any of this from my readings and experiences within the adoption community.

I am everlastingly grateful for the choice they made for Mei Mei - the attempts to ensure her safety and well-being, the plan to find security and medical care for their beautiful baby. I pray for their peace of mind and comfort for their hearts often.

I am forever bound to the women who carried my daughters and I don't let myself forget it. My gratitude unspoken makes me hug my daughters a little tighter. Linger a little longer in their sweet snuggles at the end of the day. Love them a little more fiercely than I thought myself capable of doing.

So I joined the celebrations, juggling my mixed feelings. As I also do for all of Li'l Empress's birthdays and milestones. As I will for years to come, I'm sure. And celebrate, I did. For even though the losses are indeed great, the joy is greater. The endlessness of forever promises that.

Sister Love

This is what I saw the other day

when the living room got mysteriously quiet.

I'm SO glad I tip-toed in

and peeked around the corner to investigate!

And yesterday, in the car on the way to another round

of testing and studies for Mei Mei,

I had heard her fussing and then quiet reigned.

When I turned around, this is what I saw.

It's taken a bit of time, but I love that we've reached the point where there are more pleasant and loving interactions between these two than there are jealous or unhappy moments. Li'l Empress has had some bouts of insecurity and emotional overload in the process but I think she's settling back in. As expected, the struggles have been mainly on Li'l Empress' side of things, as she's worked through the adjustment of becoming a Big Sister after years of being the baby of the family. The bigger gang members have been awesome at making sure that Li'l Empress knows she is just as loved and cherished as ever. It's been really sweet to see them all working through the adjustment together. And the evidence that Li'l Empress and Mei Mei are falling in love with each other is there for all to see.

Now, when Mei Mei stumbles and falls on the toys in the family room, Li'l Empress is the first to rush and get the boo-boo bear for her baby sister. And when Li'l Empress came in from the yard this week, crying over a perceived offense, Mei Mei would not leave her side and watched the proceedings with great concern. She even tried to hug her and kept patting her arm while Li'l Empress calmed down.

Early on in the "re-entry" process, Li'l Empress came to me in tears and through her hiccuping and sobbing, informed me that she thought we probably brought home "the wrong Mei Mei." Because this one was mean and not sharing her toys at all. And "she hit me with the dolly!"  I tried very hard to take her seriously at that moment, and address her concerns and validate her feelings. I helped her understand that baby behavior wasn't the same as "the wrong Mei Mei" coming home, but was something we'd all have to model and work through with Mei Mei. I reminded Li'l Empress that when she first came home, she hit the kids, too. And she was even known to bite them once in a while. That it was all normal "baby" behavior and her job was to teach Mei Mei how to be part of our family by showing a good and loving example. I got her calmed down and able to pray with me. But man, oh, day, I was cracking up inside. I couldn't believe that she was calling up prayers from LAST YEAR at this time, when we were still asking as a family for the Lord to give us clear leading and direction to the "right Mei Mei;" the one that He had chosen for our family. OMIGOSH - this kid has a memory like NOBODY'S business!

I know there will be seasons, ebbs & flows if you will, of this relationship as it grows and builds, but this week's little vignettes brought such joy to my heart and I've so enjoyed the peace and promise captured in each little picture. I am so confident that the moving forward will continue to be productive and full of sweetness even in the hard moments. I count it an immeasurable gift, that God would grant the blessing of sisterhood to my girls. No matter the age span between them, they have friends for life in each other!

Here's one from last weekend,

in which all three girls were

hamming it up with Daddy's iPhone.

I love this. And can't wait to see

differing versions of it as the years fly by.

(Oh, God. Please don't let the years fly by. Pretty please?!)

A Happy Mother's Day, Indeed.

What a wonderful Mother's Day weekend I had with my gang! The Boss's folks came in for a long weekend on Friday afternoon. His sister and her family came in Saturday afternoon. Everyone wanted to meet Mei Mei. It was LadyBug's 14th birthday {sigh. sob.}on Sunday. So we celebrated all three big events together. All weekend long. We ate. We laughed. We watched the kids play together. We ate some more. And I got the exquisite joy of having all 6 of my kids home, together, for the first Mother's Day ever. Knowing that our Gang is now complete, that we are, indeed, "all here" added such a sweet note to the day. I am a blessed momma.

Getting a picture of me and my three girlies

proved almost to be my undoing.

I bought the matching dresses for the little ones

at Gift From China on Shamian Island.

The pictures are not doing the

utter cuteness any justice at all...

I guess that's to be expected with a 22-month old

who moves faster than any shutter speed I know!

LadyBug with her yummy chocolate cake

and the delicious coconut cupcakes from my sweet friend, Kateri.

NO ONE on the planet makes coconut cake

(and cupcakes) like this woman can.

Seriously.

Mei Mei completely agrees.

She sucked the icing off that cupcake

faster than I can even SAY cupcake.

And was so sugared up she practically ran

circles in the kitchen.

If she had a tail, she'd have been chasing it!

LadyBug and her bestie cousin, Alyssa.

They are about a year apart in age.

This is one of the rare sitings of them during our weekend

visit. We always joke that as soon as they get together,

they disappear for the entire visit, whispering and talking together

and catching up on all their girl talk!

Happy Momma with all my gang.

All together. At last.

I just love these kids of mine.

LadyBug has a frame that she likes to keep

filled with a picture of the two of us.

She asked for an updated picture while the camera was clicking.

Now that I see this, I might have to go into the archives

and find one from her chubby little baby days.

This one is giving me a heart attack.

Hope your Mother's Day was beautiful and memorable.

Wordless Wednesday {legacy}

This chair was a gift to my parents

when I was a baby.

I sat and played in it as a little one.

All three of my siblings sat here too.

When I was expecting Shaggy,

my mom passed it on to me.

And now all 6 of my children

have enjoyed rocking in my little chair.

That little chair holds legacy every day.

Obviously Wordless Wednesdays are rarely that.

Wordless, that is. But click over to 5 Minutes

for Mom and join the fun anyway!!!!

Redeeming and Redefining.

Over the 6 years we've been part of the adoption community, I've had a lot of time to learn and think about the good, the bad, and the ugly of adoption. A lot of time to mourn the broken-ness of our world at large and the losses in Li'l Empress' and Mei Mei's little worlds that brought us all together. To think and pray about how God would have us intentionally go about redeeming that broken-ness and loss. It's not the easy part of adoption to dwell upon but I've chosen to "go there" in order to more fully understand and thus be more available to participate in my daughters' healing and growing.

Yesterday, as the household was returning to the normal week-day routine, Mei Mei was bewildered by all the activity. After all, the first two days since she's been home we've spent largely on the couch or on the floor together, propping our eyes open with toothpicks and watching her play with the kids. (It's actually kind of amazing how quickly she has gotten used to having an older sibling at her beck and call during the waking hours of her day!) But yesterday she was noticeably unsettled. It took me a while to catch on, as I was puttering around the kitchen and reveling in my coffee.

First, Dr. D left. She kept reaching for him but didn't really cry.

About half an hour later, LadyBug was ready to catch her bus. Mei Mei didn't want to be put down but LadyBug toughed it out and said good-bye while Mei Mei cried a little bit.

Then I ran up to hop in the shower while The Boss supervised Baby BlueEyes and Li'l Empress as they prepared for their day. The Boss walked them out to the bus and the good-byes were likely more painful for BBE and Li'l E than they were for Mei Mei, as she was busy taking in the big yellow thing and the fresh air and green trees all around her.

Twenty minutes later, The Boss put on his coat and started doling out the hugs and kisses. He was trying to say good-bye and she was having no part of it. We walked him out to his car and she was crying like her little heart was breaking. Reaching for him, calling "Baba!" and arching her back to get out of my arms. It was pitiful. Just so sad. 

To her, this was another good-bye. In a long line of good-byes over these last two weeks.

I've been particularly mindful of all the good-byes we've been logging since we met her.

Good-bye to the nannies in her orphanage. Who likely doted on her, as reports indicate that she was a favorite with her charming little smile and teasing sense of humor.

Good-bye to the orphanage - the only home she knew from about 2 weeks old, for 21 months.

Good-bye to the familiar sights, smells, and sounds of those 21 months of her life.

Good-bye to the familiar routine and rhythm of her daily life.

Then, good-bye to our guide in Beijing, with whom she thoroughly enjoyed flirting and teasing.

Good-bye to the hotel room where she had just started to feel noticeably confident and secure.

Good-bye to an environment where her emerging baby-babble actually made sense to the Mandarin-speaking folks around her.

Good-bye to Beijing - on to Guangzhou.

Good-bye to yet another hotel, another city.

Good-bye to China.

Now a good-bye to all these great new playmates who jump when she says jump. And who sit right where she tells them too when playing the magnet game. Who fall all over themselves and each other to make her giggle, smile, or best of all, offer a rare kiss.

Worst of all, good-bye to that new, big man, that Baba who kept her safe on all those big moving vehicles she had to endure for the last two weeks. "Why, oh, why, are they making me say good-bye to him?!"

But as I was simultaneously giggling and empathizing with her pouty face and big crocodile tears and trying to soothe her little sobs, it hit me.

"This is the day we begin the process of redeeming all those losses. Today, she will learn, even if she forgets it tomorrow, that when the kids go away, they come back. When Baba leaves, Baba always comes back."

This is the day we get to redefine "good-bye" for our girl.

I can't promise either of  my daughters that they will never suffer loss or heartbreak now that they have been planted in our family forever. I can't promise them that the broken-ness that brought them to the place of adoption will go away and never touch their hearts or minds again.

But I can promise them that in this family, good-bye is not forever. Good-bye can also mean another opportunity for a joyful and loving celebration of "Hello again."

I held her tight against my heart and whispered in her ear, "Don't worry. Baba will be home later. He will come back soon. Baba always comes back home."

And I thanked the Lord that I get to be part of redeeming the losses for these two gifts He's given us to parent. It's a privilege and an honor that carries a huge responsibility - may I be mindful of it, no matter how good, bad, or ugly it gets in the process.

Flexing With the Times

It's a well-documented fact that The Gang has lots and lots of traditions. I've told you before about our annual treks to the lake, always around my birthday. I've mentioned our baking parties with my family for holiday treats. I've shared our favorite songs and movies and recipes surrounding the many celebrations we do here with friends and family.

I've also mentioned that Shaggy would be home for Thanksgiving but that making it home for Christmas this year is just not going to happen. When we planned our family festivities with both sides of The Gang's gang, The Boss and I intentionally built into the weekend some time for just the 7 of us to be together. We had several conversations about what that time needed to look like but no final conclusion was reached.  On Friday, we were pushing to make a decision as we waited for Shaggy to return from his morning out with his cousins and for Dr. D to limp home from track practice.

And Baby BlueEyes, listening and taking it all in, piped up with the best input we'd had to the conversation all fall long. It definitely struck just the right note with us all, because as soon as we mentioned it to Shaggy, 3 of the 5 of us who were standing there just teared up and dripped together. I'm pretty sure this tradition is the one thing my kids love THE.MOST. about our holiday festivities and it was so fitting that we used our one family day together to do it.

The thing about doing it this early this year, is that we had to get a little creative and a little flexible in the doing. After all, the full blown tradition usually involves a Saturday morning trip to a tree farm to cut a big fat blue spruce. And a day of letting it settle before we spend all of Sunday whole night decorating the tree and the whole downstairs of the house. It's an all-day event for The Gang. With lots of home-made cookies and hot cocoa and Christmas music all sprinkled liberally in there for good measure. But flexing things around a little bit was absolutely the right way to make sure Shaggy was involved somehow in our Christmas preparations.

So while Shaggy visited for a couple hours with a friend, The Boss went up and dragged down our somewhat "Charlie Brown-ish" artificial tree and our boxes of ornaments. He rigged a set of lights up and sorted through the ornaments to pull out all the hand-carved ones from Grandpa and the hand-made ones from all five kids over the years of pre-school, Sunday school, and art class projects.

Once Shaggy returned, we placed our order for Chinese food to be delivered and set about decorating the tree together. It's been a long time since we did two trees, so we kept the little tree fairly simple and "kid" focused. Then we sat and ate by the light of the tree and watched "Arthur Christmas" together. It was pretty much a perfect way to do our one night alone together. The movie struck a great balance between silly enough and just meaningful enough to keep us all connecting and listening to them all laughing together was music to this momma's ears.

There's a lot of change ahead this year for The Gang, and we have so far weathered all the big changes of 2012 pretty well together. I'm experienced enough at this "life" thing to know that the pace of change won't quit any time soon. But for this one night, with a little flexibility and creativity, we got to do one of our most treasured traditions {almost the same} as all the previous years. And for now, that's enough for me.

Re-evaluate Your Methods

Wow. Sunday night was brutal around here. There were LOTS of tears. Shaggy helped us put Baby BlueEyes and Li'l Empress to bed, as part of his good-bye time with them since he had to leave so very early this morning. The reality of just how long it will be till they see him again and have him home to hang out with again really sunk in. These four days together just weren't enough. For any of us. But I think the two little ones really connected with the good-bye differently this time because they have lived with his absence for the last 7 weeks.

Shaggy was so wonderful about it. He spent some time hanging out, talking with Baby BlueEyes, hugging him and really loving on him. As they were winding down their good nights, I happened to look over at Li'l Empress. She was sitting in the living room behind me, silently crying.

Oh. My. Gosh. The silent cry kills me. Yes, I started crying too.

And then she wasn't silent about it anymore.

We walked upstairs together and she crawled in to her bed, just sobbing. Shaggy came over to her room and just crawled right onto her bed with her. He was so loving and comforting and she calmed right down in his arms. The two of them looked up at me with big tears in their eyes.

As she was quieting down, he looked at me and said, "This is the downside of raising a tight-knit family. You might want to re-evaluate your methods."

I just smiled through my tears. We both know, whatever "method" we have employed to get us to this point is exactly the right one for us. This crazy, slobbery, messy love is exactly who we want to be. Exactly who we want them to be. And while they all may express it between them very differently, with or without tears, this close tight-knit family is the greatest accomplishment of my life. The most rewarding, most satisfying thing I've ever done. Even if sometimes it's also the most painful thing I do.

And I won't be re-evaluating that any time soon.

Happy Thanksgiving

I haven't been around much this week. Cooking, cleaning, and preparing for our big family weekend has kept me quite busy. And I likely won't be around much till next week. My boy is home from YWAM for four whole long beautiful days and I plan to be very busy hugging him and talking with him about all that God is doing in and through him.

So I leave you with this. And much, much love to go with it.

Happy Thanksgiving from

Our Gang to Yours!

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."
Psalm 100:4-5