Why Break With Tradition?!

It's time for the annual First Day of School post. And for the "First Time In Forever," you all get the added treat of updated peeks at my gorgeous gang. I know, it's been a while since you've seen their faces 'round these parts o' the blogosphere!

{You are more than welcome for THAT ear-worm... 

it's blasting in the kitchen right now and I succumbed. 

I am weak. I admit it. And now I'm laughing at you

because you are hearing Ana in your head just like I am.}

Anyhoo.

Our "bonus daughter" had a VERY momentous First Day yesterday. She returned to us late Friday night from summer at home with her family in Beijing. She's still a bit jet-lagged and trying not to be anxious about all the SAT prep work she has ahead of her and layered on top of her Honors course load. In spite of it all, she made it to the bus on time and is officially a SENIOR!!!!!!

Today, we sent our LadyBug back to the public school bright and early. For those not following me on F@cebook, she came home in January to do cyber-schooling after some health issues that made the public school pace and routine pretty hard to manage. It was a great season of refreshment and retreat for her and she is confident that she is ready to handle her JUNIOR year. Seriously, how did this sneak up on me like this?

Next to head out the door was Li'l Empress. This girly of ours was so ready for her new school year to start. She's super excited to be in the upstairs of her building - it's a milestone that all the rising third graders wildly anticipate in our little school community. Yes, I said it. THIRD. GRADE.

After Li'l Empress climbed happily on her bus, Mei Mei and I ran inside to finish getting ready for the morning. Then we were OFF to the elementary school for their annual Back To School Celebration. It's always so fun to meet the new teachers, say hi! to the old teachers, and catch up with friends after the long summer apart. I'm particularly thrilled that Li'l Empress is going to be with her sweet little buddy "S" again this year. She's a sweet friend and so very encouraging and kind to all her classmates. It goes a LOOOOONG way for my girl to have that security and confidence in her friendships.

As soon as Li'l Empress' class was escorted into the building to start the day, my little Mei Mei fell apart in a puddle of tears. She kept saying over and over, "I miss my sissen" and wiping her tears with her Beebee. She was a soggy mess by the time we got to the van. It was decided that a little pit stop at the local Chick-Fil-A was in order, to cheer our spirits and distract both of us from missing our Li'l Empress.

Then, suddenly, it was time. Yes, that's right, the day has arrived. Mei Mei began her first day of PRE-SCHOOL today. Oh, my heart. This girl was a STITCH to listen to once I told her it was time to get ready for her drive to school. Giggling to herself while I dressed her. Wiggling in her seat trying to eat lunch. Covering her mouth in "OH!'s" of anticipation and looking over my shoulder on the 5 minute drive to see if we were "dere yet?"

Until we walked into the building. Upon which time she started muttering under her breath, "I not want go pee-kool, Momma" over and over like some tribal chant. I exercised HERCULEAN effort to not crack up and to take her anxiety as seriously as she wanted me to, but man, it was hard. SUCH a HOOT.

Oh, and yes, Yes, that IS in fact the very same dress that Li'l Empress wore on her very first day of pre-school. I'm totally a sap like that and I am so excited that she chose it from the line-up. And that I'm still smarter than my kids most of the time to make her THINK she chose it. Yeah. I still got it, baby!

I hung out with her for about 20 minutes, chatting with the teachers and helping her feel comfortable. It was fun to point out to her all the things that Li'l Empress enjoyed when she was a student there. Once she was sufficiently distracted and feeling comfortable, I headed out and the teachers reported that she only cried for about five minutes. And I didn't cry at all. :)

It sure helped to have her little buddy in the classroom - he's the youngest son of the director from our adoption agency AND LadyBug babysat for him and his big brother all summer long. Here she is watching for his car to pull up to the drop-off door. Both his mom and I got the story later that they held hands when they walked together and that he is her new "bess fren." So cute!!!!!

When we headed back to pick her up at the end of the afternoon, her very first words to us were "I had SUPER! FUN! today! Mom!" She had all kinds of great stories to share and pretty much was wiped out and ready for bed by 6:30.

You might have noticed that BBE has no First Day pictures. That's because the poor kid got hit with a a nasty tummy bug that kept him up most of last night. Prayers that no one else gets it here would be so appreciated. We have BIG family plans for the holiday weekend and we've been looking forward to them for the whole summer long!

So there you have it. The Traditional First Day wrap up. Thanks for hanging in there for it all. Hopefully soon I will have something incredibly wise and deep and important to write about. Till then, all these cute pictures of my kids make me happy. And it's my blog, so that's all that really matters, right?

Hope your First Days were momentous and memorable too. Here's to a GREAT 2015~2016 school year!!!!!

Here I Lay My Ebeneezer

I had a really cool experience today. The Boss and I took Mei Mei to our local Intermediate Unit location to have an Occupational Therapy assessment performed. Back in June, her speech therapist and I noticed some fine motor skills and a couple processing issues that have been lagging behind. Nothing is super alarming, but when these particular skills are taken in relation or proportion to the progress that she is continuing to make in the other areas of her development, it is worth checking out.

We are preparing to send her to pre-school in the fall and this time of year when her IEP is being renewed, we are especially mindful of all of the areas of development that need our continued attention. The new IEP and the results of this evaluation will also be super useful in determining exactly HOW much she has caught up in the areas that sometimes fly under the radar (ya know, when one is the youngest of 6 kids in a very busy, active household.being made in other areas) and how to get her moving forward in other skills.

The OT also gave us a sensory profile to complete while they worked together at a separate table. (Have you ever filled one of those out?! Oh, man they are so cool. I was really getting into it, thinking about the answers for Mei Mei and then how I'd answer for Li'l Empress. Times like this make me feel like I ought to go back to school and get another degree!)  Anyhoo.... As I was reading the questions and ranging out the answers, I was also listening to Mei Mei interact with the evaluator and giggling at how our girl has grown in the two years since she's been home.

Full interactive conversation.

{Almost} complete sentences.

{Almost} completely understandable to a stranger.

And big dashes of her own little {okay, who am I kidding, HUGE!}

personality thrown in just to keep the evaluator on her toes.

It was pure delight to observe and think on for those moments. I know I'm biased, but the evaluator commented several times about "how much fun" this kid is. Make no mistake, she had to be brought back to task quite a few times and reminded to use her polite kind words to express herself. But she really was so much fun to watch.

I sat there for a few seconds as it was wrapping up, just immersed in gratitude. I'm so thankful for the moments when God stops me in my hustle bustle to show me where we've been and where we are heading. It was so much MORE than the assessment of skills in that moment, it almost felt "holy" - like my very own "Ebenezer."

1 Samuel 7:12 (NIV)

“Then Samuel took a stone and set it up

between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, 

saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.”

"Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"

by Robert Robinson, 1757

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I'll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I've come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I'll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

An Unwelcome House Guest

It's been pretty quiet here in my little corner of the blogosphere. I know. We've been in a hard season with things. This season has been exhausting. Frustrating. Desperate. Isolating. Painful. Exhausting. Draining. The pace of our household has hardly relented in deference to the hard season. It couldn't.

I can tell you exactly when it started.

Let me tell you the story.

In early December, Trauma came to visit. He snuck into the house, bringing Control, Anxiety, and Fear with him. They are the kind of house guest that rolls into your pretty little guest room unannounced. The kind of house guest that brings his unpleasant friends stowed away in his suitcase before you can even process that his suitcase has been tossed on your guest bed. On the good linens no less. They are the kind of house guest the adage speaks of: "Company and fish start to stink after three days."

Let me tell you, it stunk way sooner than three days.

It seems as if Mei Mei's first surgery brought Trauma out of hiding. It's totally understandable and we knew to expect it from lots of previous experiences - Trauma lurks in those hospitals for lots of kids. Kids from great, loving, nurturing beginnings. Kids from hard places. Kids with serious sicknesses. Kids with simple playground accidents. But it really feels like he was waiting for her in that room. Hiding under that oh-so-institutional crib cage. Hovering under the ugly, rough blankets.

Worse, he felt it necessary to follow her home from the hospital. He toyed with her, making a game of randomly waking her. He got his buddy to help. Fear clutched at her throat. Trauma whipped Control into a frenzy of raging tantrums over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that weren't cut "just so." He'd whisper in Anxiety's ear a teensy little musing, thus starting the "Telephone Game" of insecurities repeated and grossly warped beyond recognition by the time they got to my girl's ear. It took us a few weeks of muscling through our own sleep deprivation and the dirty laundry of these unwelcome guests to figure out that they thought they were here to stay.

When the awareness took root that these weren't visitors, but squatters, The Boss and I dug into our bag of spiritual warfare tactics and started making things very uncomfortable for these intruders. It's been hard work, this remediation of the damage they sought to inflict. It's taken all of our energies. Certain Fruits of the Spirit have gotten extra work-outs, through the muddle of sleep deprivation.

{Really, moms, isn't the irregular sort of sleep deprivation the worst kind of all? I think I could probably get used to 4-5 hours of sleep if that was the new norm. But 8 hours, then 4, then 6 then 4 again? Oh.MY.WORD.}

Scripture is being spoken, sung, hummed, and prayed. The new rocking chair is logging many, many miles. Old hymns of Truth and Promise are being called to mind, used as lullabies, even if the verses are mixed up and tunes are badly mangled. The security and anchor of The Word that my folks encouraged me to memorize and sink deeply into my heart as a young believer are pouring out when I'm too tired to coherently put together my own prayer.

Practical things had to be tended to, to aid the eviction of the unwanted tenants. So January was spent re-establishing household routines and my beloved systems. (Gasp! Yes, even I was shocked at how long it took me to get back on that bandwagon I so love!) I grocery shopped multiple times between snow storms. I baked and cooked whenever the snow dumped on us, and we were snowed in. Menu planning, preparation of the daily dinner, and laundry days all were re-instituted. Many days those tasks were literally ALL that I could handle. But handle them I did. Anxiety had no choice but to pipe down in the wake of the loud, proud boasting of permanence and structure that our return to routines gave. I much prefer when Security and Confidence hang out with my gang, don't you?

February was focused on establishing some kind of social schedule for the little extroverted Mei Mei and her extrovert momma. Too many unstructured days staying home all day gave Trauma and Control way too much freedom to wreak their havoc. Play dates here at home and busy mornings out to do our errands made way for Joy, Cooperation, and Peace to hang out with us. It continues to amaze to me just HOW much of an extrovert this little girl is!

And while we aren't certain that Trauma has left the building just yet, we do feel as if he's recognized that his days are numbered. When he slinks off into the darkness and muck from whence he came, he will have no choice but to pack up his traveling mates with him. The foundation upon which we have built our home has made Trauma's stay an uncomfortable one and he's learning that we cannot, WILL NOT co-habitate with him.

Since our name is on the mortgage, he's the one that's got to go.

Special thanks to my lovely friend, Amelia.

Her keen eye for detail, spiritual wisdom,

and excellent writing skills

helped me pull this metaphor

together with far more eloquence

and consistency of voice

than I am capable of in this hard season!

6 Months of "ALL HERE!"

I'm still here. So much to say and so little time to say it all. But this week, we're celebrating another fun milestone. Mei Mei has been home with her gang for 6 months, as of tomorrow morning. Having The Gang really finally be "all here" after years of longing for our girls and months of waiting for her specifically to make it home has been more of an adjustment than we anticipated. Not in bad ways but sheesh, the calendar is HOPPIN' on a daily basis and I'm regularly amazed at the juggling of all things "mommy administration" that I'm learning. So many things have fallen through the cracks, things that I never missed before. It's been humbling and annoying too. But we are getting a good groove and I feel quite content most days with the routine we've settled into around here. Most days. {Snort}

As for Mei Mei, I'm happy to report that her adjustment has been almost seamless. It's like she was just primed and ready to become the missing little puzzle piece around here. She's settled in with a great big happy sigh and barely a blip in some of the ways that we anticipated struggle or bumpy roads. In these last 6 months, Mei Mei's also been cleared of all possible anomalies that often come with her presenting diagnosis. She's made HUGE strides in language - in fact, she is trying new words daily and we are regularly astounded by how "conversational" she is becoming. Her personality is BLOOMING. She has a very mischievous sense of humor and surprises us with how intelligent her "people skills" are. She's displaying all kinds of signs of very healthy attachment, and her confidence in our love for her and her place in our home is so much fun to watch. We've been able to drop her off to the nursery at church and at my Women's Bible Study consistently for several weeks now and she barely bats an eye. In fact, last week, before I was even ready to walk out, she was blowing me kisses and saying, "Bye! Bye!" She's a great sleeper and we're working on helping her be a good eater. Still can't get her to touch vegetables. Of any kind. Ever. Except potatoes. But we've got some fruits that she consistently likes, so that's big too.

The Boss has been busy getting together all the supporting documentation for our 6-month post placement report, after my 2-hour meeting with the social worker last week. I know lots of folks complain about the meetings but I have to say, I had fun tracking our progress out loud and seeing the journey from the social worker's viewpoints. Admittedly, it was also fun to spend the morning talking with an adult and not repeating myself a hundred times about leaving the cupboards closed and "please don't unstack the diapers." :)

Here's one of the pics that is required for the report - and sadly, one of the only that exists of all 8 of The Gang together. We're working on a family picture sitting with my friend, Marie, who always gets amazing shots of my kids. Which JUST reminded me, I still haven't submitted my order for Mei Mei's 2-year pictures that we had done back in JULY. OH, UGH. I'm so behind in so many things. I'll share those soon, too. Once I get the order placed, that is :)  AND if I remember, I'll share Dr. D's senior picture, cap and gown and all, with you too!  But for now, here we are - 6 months into this Gang of Eight! We're rarely "all here!" at the same time unless we're sleeping. So this was kinda monumental.

Astounded

For about a week now, Mei Mei has been walking around the house "singing" this repetitive set of sounds that made me sit up and take notice. It really sounded like she was trying to sing SOMETHING, I just didn't know what!

When I took the time to just sit and watch her while she was singing, I was astounded! See, the last several weeks have been full of evaluations, consultations, and doctors' reports that have been hard to wade through. Information has been flowing like a rushing river, about her cognitive abilities, her emotional/social abilities, medical needs, speech and language skills, and more. While not all of it has been difficult to hear and certainly not all of it has been "bad news" it has still been quite overwhelming.

{At this point, I must give huge props to our International Adoption Clinic at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia - they did an excellent job of thoroughly preparing us for all the ranges of the needs listed within Mei Mei's file and then some. Nothing we've heard has been a surprise, even if some things have been slightly more complicated or critical in the ranges of needs than we'd hoped. If you are preparing to adopt, please, please, please look into a clinic such as this one - the information and preparation for your heart and mind and your family's plans is invaluable!}

I've watched her for a couple days now and almost every time she's "singing" she's also sitting in her little rocking chair, either holding her baby or raising her arms up in the air with her eyes squinting shut and her head swaying in time to the rhythm in her head. When I figured out what the repetitive sweet sounds likely are and I realized what it is that is washing over her heart and mind, coming out as "yeaaaaa, yeeeee aaaaaa yuuuuuuuu yeeeeee" I was, again, astounded!

She's singing "Jesus Loves Me."

She's not just singing a song. She's re-creating our time together in the rocking chair at each nap time and bed time when I sing this song and a few others to her before settling into her crib for some much needed sleep. That she's making that connection and imitating it, after only 6 weeks home and probably only 4 weeks of such a regulated routine is nothing short of astounding. That she's often taking it one step further and pretending to worship or to rock her baby to sleep like Momma rocks her to sleep just about brings me to my knees.

THIS is the good stuff of adoption, my friends.

There are many, many hard things about parenting a child from traumatic beginnings. And trust me, as we've been fleshing out the (very likely) details that led to Mei Mei coming home to our Gang, we've realized anew that there have likely been some pretty traumatic experiences in our girl's short little life. To have her HOME, HAPPY, (mostly) HEALTHY, and SINGING her little heart out like this is more of a gift than even I imagined when we were waiting to get to her. And that's comin' from a Momma who has "been there done that" once before. I was (mostly) prepared for the difficult surprises that might come our way - these happy ones still take me off guard sometimes!

{Again, big plug for a great international adoption clinic that has a wide base of information and professional experiences with which to help us piece her story together with the "most likely scenarios" to fill in some of the blanks!}

I posted a link to this article earlier today on my F@cebook page. I put off reading it for a couple days after I first found it because I knew it would be a hard read considering all the transition and anchoring we are settling ourselves into these days. I wasn't wrong. It was a hard read. But also a really good read. Some great reminders for me to step it up in a few areas and some encouragement for the road ahead. Not just for Mei Mei but for Li'l Empress too.

Despite the hard stuff that can come with parenting my little treasure from Ch!na, there are moments that I look at her, rocking in that little chair, singing her heart out. And I'm astounded at the gift she is.

"OOOOOPS! You caught me, Mommy!

And yes, I changed all your settings. Have fun fixing them!"

On a side note: 

I've tried and tried to video Mei Mei "singing" 

but as the resident ham of the house,

each time she sees the camera come out,

she changes up what she's doing

and I keep missing the purity of the moment.

Hence, the surprised look on her face

in the picture above: total surprise mixed with

sheepish recognition of a "no no" behavior! :)

Day 5

Today is Day 5 of Li'l Empress's soft band

bone conduction hearing aid trial.

I know. No warning, no updates along the way to let you know what was coming. Just those little teasers that leaked out at the end of last week. Bad blogger. In my defense, our sweet audiologist kind of sprung it on me quite suddenly at Li'l Empress's 6 month hearing check. The day before Shaggy's big huge graduation party. That rolled right into a big huge June Birthday/Father's Day party. That rolled into two days of Momma Coma while I attempted to recover from the huge adrenaline high I'd been running on for a week or more.

And then it was time for the appointment to start the trial. Whew. I'm still not totally recovered from all of it, I suspect.

Anyhoo!

Li'l Empress has been wearing the soft band for short periods of time for the last four days. We are definitely noticing some things during the trial period that are noteworthy and I'd LOVE to hear from other folks who have done this with their kiddoes to help me understand and gage our experiences.

The most noticeable thing is the funny, almost robot-like way she speaks for the first few minutes it is on her head.  I know it's that she is hearing herself in a new way for the first time in her little life but it provides GREAT comic relief around here. Which is a good thing cuz the other things we are noticing are well, not as much fun.

The other most noticeable thing is how tired she is.  Now, we know that our household has been very busy since mid-May and it's likely catching up to her in many ways. But we have noticed a marked change in the last 4 days - she doesn't fight nap time at all. She is very cranky around 1 every day and falls asleep quite easily. And bedtime seems to be a welcome relief to her for these past four nights. I totally understand why and we've purposely structured our days since Thursday to make sure she is home for nap time and able to "crash" during the day with books or a kid show as needed. I'm so glad our Miss Laura (the audiologist) told us in advance to expect this.

Finally, the other thing we've noticed is that she has definitely been advocating for herself by doing things like relying on visual cues, asking to have the tv turned up or down, and learning how to ask for a break from the band when she's feeling "done." This has come after some serious melt-downs (particularly the first two days) but she's really improving in just the last 24 hours with her choice to speak up for help as opposed to breaking down in a puddle of tears. That emotional "limit" seems to be expanding. That's a very good thing now, but man, Thursday and Friday and most of Saturday were challenging for The Boss and I to manage and talk through with her.

We are loving how she is testing things out for herself. It's so fun to see her testing and questioning and trying to learn for herself. For example, she likes plugging up her hearing ear with her finger and asking us to talk to her to see if she can hear us.  She's testing volumes all the time. Which is kinda cute but also kinda loud on occasion. I'm okay with that, most of the time. We've also noticed that she loves blocking the little microphone on the conductor and making the feedback go crazy. It makes her giggle and us cringe. Which I know she loves.

I've had quite a few folks ask why we are doing this, if her hearing ear is working so well for her. Well, that is a valid question that I've asked often myself. According to her speech and language development, she is pretty "on target," with the exception of a stutter that seems to be lingering longer than is stage/age appropriate. And she is eligible for speech and language services, along with hearing services once she starts school in the fall. But only having one hearing ear can and already sometimes does affect her learning capabilities. The goal of this trial and eventually the permanent use of the aide is to enhance and boost any way we can her capabilities to catch all the learning opportunities in school and daily life. Her IEP stipulates that she have an FM system on her desk at school. The FM system will train her to and give her access to the "important noises" in the classroom - the teacher's directives and instructions that she needs to succeed in her academics. But it will not AMPLIFY the noises around her.

That's where this bone conductor hearing aid comes in. It amplifies all the noises around her by adding sound to both ears. The tiny conductor takes in the noises, turns them into vibrations that travel through the tab on the band, stimulating the mastoid process, and sending the vibrations to the cochlea. We have known for a long, long time (remember the tests she had done when she was really little?) that her right ear hearing was excellent on the inside. Everything that goes from her right cochlea to her brain handles sound and stimulation really, really well!

Amplifiying the noise will allow her to catch other noises such as classmates' input, announcements from the PA system, and other background noises that are regularly missing or at least muffled for her without the aide. This will be particularly important when traveling outside of her home-base classroom. I'm anticipating that it might be a bit of a mixed bag of support when in the gym or the cafeteria, as we've already see that she taps out a bit when all 7 of us are hanging out and we're not being mindful of the expanded experience her aide is creating. Basically, the hearing aid will open up the sound field for her in ways that the FM system cannot.

In the coming days, I'll be sharing more as we are learning. And I'd love to hear from you! Have you been through this with your kiddoes? What insight or observations can you share? Are you looking at a trial like this for your child's future? What questions might you have? I'd love to get a conversation going - this is something that I learned a lot about from other BTDT parents before we even sat down with our audiologists - I'd love to share that with others and make the conversation beneficial to all who want it!

D!T!C! - Finally! and Other Important News

After a long and circuitous route of documentation, detours and delays, we are so very excited to announce that The Gang is finally DTC (Dossier to China) as of Wednesday, June 27th!!!!

For those of you who read around here and are NOT immersed in the sea of three-letter and two-letter adoption-ese, that means our big huge pile of adoption paperwork containing all our most personal, legal and private information has been sent to China. As I type this, that almost-sacred package is winging its way to the Chinese government offices to be logged in to the massive waiting list for prospective adoptive parents.

It also means that we are able to review and consider what are called Special Focus files. Those represent kids from the Waiting Child program who maybe have more complex needs, multiple needs, are older, or often are boys. It's kind of like a micro list within the greater Waiting Child Shared List. Truthfully, it's unlikely that we will find our girl on that particular list considering the "list" of needs that The Boss and I have indicated would be possible for The Gang to accept. This list was created in the early stages of our paper-chase and is based upon a extensive survey of needs and the degree of severity that we feel comfortable accepting responsibility for when we consider parenting a special needs child. For example, we feel completely capable of accepting the file of a child with unilateral hearing loss but not one with total deafness. There's some great explanations of all of that here on this site. (It's also a great site for basic understandings of everything we're doing, if you are interested!)

After DTC, we should receive an LID (Log In Date) in about two to four weeks. At LID, we then have official permission to view any file from the entire Waiting Child program. This will also be the point at which our agency begins actively attempting to match us to a little girl with each monthly release of the Shared List. 

While we are greatly disappointed that our file is only just now being DTC'd (yeah, I just made that up!), we are relying on what we know to be true of the process and more importantly of our God. It's not for nothing, it has a purpose, it's all in His control and He's got our backs. This we know. I sheepishly admit, this was also hard to hang on to when last Monday we got news of yet another delay that brought us yesterday's DTC date. May was an extraordinarily difficult month for our family and early June was more of the same. These delays and detours were certainly a big part of those difficulties. When I say we are "relying" on that which we know, I mean that we kept repeating it to ourselves and to each other and tried to take turns being discouraged as opposed to both of us being disgruntled and disappointed at once. We're a good team, that way.  Heh.

So now we wait for our LID and we increase our prayerful focus on our Brynna girl. This is the part of the journey where we get to really test our trust and our discernment as we review files of the sweet little girls that our lovely Social Worker feels "could maybe" be a match for The Gang. It's no small responsibility when reviewing these files. We must prayerfully consider the needs presented in the medical history, the needs of our current family members, and the dynamics of how those things could interact together. While doing all of THAT, we must also be very careful to remember that the file represents a CHILD. A sweet little girl who could be our daughter. And that she is not her needs. She Is Not Her Needs. That is no small task, given our knowledge of the Waiting Child program and the experiences we had with our first adoption journey to Li'l Empress. We take it all very seriously and your prayers over our family and over our decision-making are appreciated.

We are also excited about another big event going on here at The Gang's house, on this very day. I'll be sure to come back later and try to get my thoughts and feelings and reactions to all of the big doings down here. Suffice it to say, with Li'l Empress heading off to Kindergarten in the fall (sigh, sob, sigh) there are certain interventions and supports that her care team wants to investigate. Those of you who read here with special interest in microtia, atresia, and unilateral hearing loss might particularly want to come back and check it all out. I will LOVE hearing from those of you who have Been There and Done That with your own hearing loss and hearing assistance journeys.

Creating a Network

In the last two months, Li'l E has undergone several different evals and consultations with an eye toward assisting her hearing in the educational setting. While I'm not a fan of picturing my Li'l E heading off on a big yellow bus for her first day of kindergarten, (sob!) I am well-aware that planning ahead and gathering the information and doing the research is the best thing I can to do for us to make the decisions that we need to make. (More on the forecasts of what is coming down the pike for our girl at a later date...)

So. While I'm studying up on hearing assistance devices, hearing support and speech support therapies and more, I have a few questions for you, my readers:

Are you a mom of a child with hearing loss?

Are you a reader of a blog written by a mom of a child with hearing loss?

Do you have a hearing loss of your own that you talk about on your blog?

I am looking to create a bit of a network with this information. For now, I don't envision anything more than a special list on my sidebar that connects us all together. To learn from each other, to share resources and information. To support and encourage each other in the parenting of these little treasures.  Who knows what might come of it?!

I've already been a long-time reader of 5 Minutes for Mom's excellent sister site, called 5 Minutes for Special Needs. And I've learned a lot, connected with some great folks, and used it as a starting point for other resources that I still enjoy today. But that site is a broad umbrella of all kinds of special needs and I am feeling the desire to hone my focus in the search for connection with other families who are living with varying levels of hearing loss.

If you are in that group, please leave a comment today. If your blog is not accessible via your comment, please consider leaving a link to your blog. If you have any suggestions or resources that are especially helpful for this venture, leave a comment.  I'm not quite sure how else to go about creating this network, I just know I'd really like to take a stab at it.

Sunday Snapshot

It was time. It was, truthfully, waaaay past time.

Time to tame the wild beast that The Gang

calls "the storage room." Also known as the attic.

Or, to a certain two or three little Gang members,

known largely as a most convenient dumping ground...

Above our garage, behind the older boys' room

lies the roaring monster.

Well, really, the roaring was really only in my head.

But you know the saying:

When Momma ain't happy,

ain't nobody happy.

After a little insulating,

and a loooootta sorting. And sweeping.

And purging. And pleading.

Don't ask. I heard nothing.

I am immune to the pleading.

No matter how cute That Boss is!

Then Momma was happy. Ecstatic really.

The trunk and backseat of the van was filled to

overflowing with items for donation.

Two large garbage bags were carted to the dumpster.

And lots and lots of other items

were posted for sale on our local cr@igslist!

  

Tidy order has been restored to the kingdom.

The roaring monster has been subdued.

Stripped of his powers to clutter

and overwhelm,

the raging beast is no more.

The nasty monster of mess has been vanquished.

And for the hungry dragon tamers?

This sweet offering of thanks.

Eat, drink, and be merry. . .

For next weekend we attack the basement!

Come on! Join the fun

of Sunday Snapshot.

Give a little comment love,

get a little comment love.

I promise :)

She's Got Skillz - Part 5

This is it. I promise. This is the last rambling of how we (I?) worked through the process of deciding to send Li'l Empress to pre-school at the tender age of three . . .  Not to say that I won't post a follow-up or two detailing just how she's handling the changes. Or how I'm handling the changes, too.  :) Cuz I know you are all dying to know how marshmallow Mommy is going to handle dropping of her little princess. . .  The blogs are FULL of teary mommas and grinning, back-pack clad kiddoes. Why be any different?!  :)

I was telling you about the issues I've been able to identify that make Li'l Empress's separation anxiety different than, say, my four older bio kids' experiences. While this list is not exhaustive, and might not even be true for any other family going through similar pangs, it's what I am working through and feeling as I'm praying through the journey and ministering to my daughter. I'd love to hear what you guys who have struggled with these kinds of anxieties have experienced... I'm sure your journey and process will help me think and improve my skills at attending to my daughter's heart.

First, I have to continually remember that the noise levels and changes of environments are NO. SMALL. ISSUE. for her. Or for any other child with any degree of hearing loss. For now, while she's on this tremendous learning curve about her environment, changing those environments is a big deal to her. Her Hearing Support teacher and the Speech therapist have been telling me this from the get-go, and seeing it play out in her ever-expanding world is proving their words to be very true.

Second, I need to remember that, while adoption does not DEFINE her, it certainly cannot be discounted when discussed in the context of her sense of security and confidence. Most of the three year-olds with whom she is interacting have had three full years to build trust and confidence that Mommy will come back. That Daddy is a safe place for me to land. That home is permanent.  Li'l Empress has yet to reach the two year mark of that journey. And it IS a journey.

Finally, I regularly remind myself that I didn't push the separation from Mommy with the other kids when they were this age. Baby BlueEyes and Dr. D both really struggled to stay for a full morning in their respective classes, even up through Kindergarten. And sometimes, I'd have to leave Baby BlueEyes in the nursery of our local co-op to teach my American Literature class while he was screaming as if a limb was being torn off one layer at a time. In fact, many times, I would show up early to his room just to give us both time to settle in and calm ourselves before my class. I've always tried to be of the mindset that the more my kids handle these developmental milestones at their pace and their comfort level, the more confident they would feel. And the more confident they would feel, the better it would "take."

However, in the midst of all of these factors, I'm also seeing that on many levels, Li'l E might need a nudge or two stronger than Dr. D or BBE needed. I have to figure out when it is okay to assure her of my love and my return and then walk away. I have to get a balance of when to "push her" to the next level of getting "off the edge" of her emotions and when to let her feel it all and be comforted in the settling. In fact, this recognition of that necessary nudge is one of the biggest reasons that I was able to come to the decision to send Li'l E to pre-school this fall. I don't really know yet what exactly tipped the scales for The Boss. But when I have spent those times thinking and praying and researching, I just kept coming back to one big factor. While I could work really hard to provide and supply all the same things that pre-school will provide for her academically and therapuetically (in terms of listening skills), this "nudge" could only be accomplished in this season in this way.

It's a humbling thing, to come to the recognition that your three-year old needs something you can't give her. I mean, I've had this revelation many times, over the years of parenting the five kids God has given us. I've learned it in many different forms. But each time I learn it, I'm still humbled. And not just a little startled. Startled at the degree to which I must have somehow thought I could handle this one on my own. Startled that I haven't fully learned yet just how much I need Him for wisdom on this journey. Startled at how slow I must be, how dense I am to think that the last time I learned the lesson wasn't enough.

Conversely, or maybe in tandem, I am also grateful to learn that I can't do this all for her. I'm grateful that she has the opportunity to learn from others, along-side others. I'm grateful that there are resources out there to help us with these "necessary nudges."

But most of all, I'm so humbled and grateful that the Lord is her best parent. Her ultimate parent. I get to be the vessel through which He parents her, when I'm cognizant of my proper role and status in His eyes, that is! It takes the burden off my frail shoulders and keeps it where it belongs. His shoulders are big enough to bear it all and when I keep this mindset, I remember that the outcome lies in His hands. He knows the process I've been through to come to this point and He's using it to better equip me to parent her.

Hopefully in that process, I'm also learning skills that will help me parent the other four more effectively. And maybe even help me to be a better, more supportive friend to the moms around me who might be struggling with a part of their journey.

He created her. He loves her even more than The Boss and I ever possibly could, and He will work out in her the things which He needs to do for her growth and maturity. He has a plan for her life, and I'm grateful I can be a part of it. Even if I'm a little slow on the uptake and tend to over-think every step of the way. He knows that about me, just as He knows how scary it is for Li'l E to see me walk away from her. He will cover it. I'm counting on it.

So, on Wednesday, Li'l Empress will start pre-school at the tender age of (JUST NEWLY) three.  Sigh. It still feels incredibly young to start this educational environment. It still makes me tremble to think of dropping her off for 6 hours a week away from me. I think I'd better make sure there's a box of tissues under my driver's seat. I have a feeling I'm going to need them!

She's Got Skillz! - Part 4

If you haven't read the beginning of the journey we've been on recently about Li'l Empress and pre-school, you might want to head here. Or, you might not.  :)

It's been a lengthy set of posts. But then, it's been brewing in my brain and percolating in our home for more than 6 months already, so....

As I was saying in Part 3, there are plenty of things we've been learning along the way to deciding what is best for Li'l Empress this fall. I've so appreciated the perspectives that some of you have shared with me, here, in private and on F@cebook. I've also appreciate that so many of you have understood where I was coming from, as we walked through the decision-making process. Thanks for the information, the input, and the encouragement!

~ ~ ~ ~

So. We've had an incredibly busy summer. Unusually busy, even for us. Between the shortened summer schedule (due to our local district's teachers' strike), the addition of band camps and football camps, and a part-time job for Shaggy, I feel as if I spent a good portion of July in the front seat of my van. That translated to a lot of rushing and hustling on the occasions that I chose to bring Li'l E and/or the other kids along for the ride. Or a lot of "Mommy has to run out for a minute, I'll be right back," when I needed to leave her behind with one of the big brothers.

On the one hand, I think most of the time it was very confidence-building for her to be left home to see and experience that Mommy will always come back for her. On the other hand, when the days were particularly fast-paced and busy, it also led to a lot more chaos in the house. Which negatively affected her listening environment (Picture 6 of us rushing through potty time, meal time, shoes on and out the door... See what I mean?). The "in and out" of the car also seemed to be a bit of a struggle for her, in terms of changing scenery too often and too quickly. She learned some valuable skills this summer about going along for the ride, rolling with the punches, and all that. But I don't think we always struck the right balance and sometimes she got pretty wigged out and over-stimulated.

One of the best ways we've found to combat that over-stimulation is to get her into the pool as often as possible and for at least an hour at a time. Not only does it wear her out (always a bonus in terms of ensuring a good nap!) but it also opens up her listening environment. Getting outside, having the vast-ness of the yard and the pool area, it all worked towards "opening up" her ability to handle background noises when she was struggling.  I noticed that even when the kids had the stereo pumping out there, she can focus on our voices and communicate without whining and without tuning us out.  I'm not totally sure if that's a coping skill, a release-valve, or a distraction issue; but we all benefited from it and utilized it as often as we could squeeze it in before nap times.

However, even with this kind of prevention mechanism in place (and a couple others that I've figured out over the years of parenting pre-schoolers), we found that there has been some regression to some what we call her "anxious behaviors." For example, when we first arrived home with Li'l Empress, she did a fair amount of hair-snatching as a self-soothing technique when she would take a bottle and fall asleep. We got her a little "lovey blanket" that we call Wubby Dubby and re-trained her hands to occupy themselves with that when she was drifting off. The other day, I was cleaning her room and found an excessive amount of hair accumulated on top of her storage bins under the crib. My heart sunk. I knew it was more than just normal hair loss that comes from rubbing her head on her pillow and mattress.

Another thing we've noticed is the return of the "Royal Melt Down," when she is "on edge" or struggling to feel secure. We'd actually had quite a fair length of time without these "freak outs" (as the boys call them) prior to July. I'd say even a few months of a stretch without this level of hysteria. They aren't pretty - her heart races, she screams at this ridiculously, high-pitched frequency that makes dogs (and Daddy!) cringe, and she gets clammy and sweaty if she's not reeled back in quickly. Most of the time, they are precipitated by some kind of separation from me. It can be as big as being left in her Sunday school class without me or as common as me walking away from her too soon after nap time. The hardest part is that once she gets to this level, it takes a fair amount of face time (mainly with me) to pull it back. On the positive side, we have noticed that she doesn't linger in that funk nearly as long now as she did, say last summer. But still, they are hard to press through when they occur.

There are a couple other little habits creeping back in, nothing as big as the previous two I've mentioned. But ones that bear monitoring. Especially in context of the unpredictable schedule, the big learning curve of being three, and the changes coming to her little world. I've talked about it before, but context is the key issue that I think I keep coming back to. None of her behaviors, anxious or typical, are really that unusual. But in the context of . . .  her world. IN CONTEXT. In my frustration with her struggles, I have to remind myself to give the conversation its proper context. For example, one behavior has cropped up JUST since we started introducing the conversation of pre-school. It might be a coincidence, it might be developmental, but it's there, it's relatively new, and it's happening. I cannot ignore it. I'm not reacting to it, rather addressing it calmly and matter-of-factly. And I'm still talking up the plans for next week's first day of school. But it is there, still.

Several weeks ago, someone asked me what the difference was between Li'l Empress's separation anxiety and other three-year olds' anxiety that is developmentally normal.  It's a fair question and on some levels, I don't know why it's so much more provoking for her than it is for her little friends on Sunday mornings. But on another level, I know it's different for several reasons. The biggest thing I do know is that if it isn't attended to in a trust-building manner, it quickly escalates to PANIC. And I think we all agree that allowing our kids to feel that level of panic serves nothing. And can even do some damage if we're not intentionally covering it with our love and comfort.

In my next post, I'm going to address several issues that I think about when I'm addressing Li'l E's anxieties. I don't do them all consciously. In fact, I had to sit and think for quite a while after I was asked that question about why her separation anxiety might be different. It's certainly not exhaustive, nor is it perfect, but it's some of  the stuff I've come up with that motivates me to act in a loving and protective manner with our girl.

Age Appropriate

Yesterday, Li'l Empress played with an Occupational Therapist as part of the yearly evals by our county's Early Intervention service. It was the third or fourth evaluation in the last two weeks, between EI's different therapists and her regular audiology check-ups. I'm amazed at Li'l Empress' capacity to put up with the "performing monkey" stuff that comes with all these appointments lately!

After I finished up the interview portion of the evaluation, the OT got down on the floor with Li'l Empress to to put her through her paces. Gross motor skills, fine motor skills, spatial relations, the whole gamut was on full display. It was really fun to see how far she's come, as I remembered the various delays she had to work through when she first came home. As an observer, I feel good about the accuracy of the eval and the progress that I can see she's gained. Having it marked in "months" notation was helpful. There were a couple areas that we should more intentionally introduce and press, but the thing that struck me was the repeated emphasis on the milestone of potty training.

And by repeated, I mean, "Enough already, I know.
You think she should have started potty training months ago, I get it!"

Now, I've always taken a fairly laid-back approach to potty training with my older kids. A huge part of my approach is that I really would preferred that they be ready, that they own it, and that they feel a measure of success in their attempts. And selfishly, I don't mind admitting that I also know it's less work and frustration for all of us if they do achieve success early in the trying. So I don't mind waiting a bit.

For example, Baby BlueEyes was a month away from being three and I just knew he'd knock it out of the park if I tackled training while all the older sibs were still home for summer break. We made it a whole family event. I was right: he was "on it" - done, dry, and ready to go (mostly) on his own within a week or two. That little potty seat went everywhere with us. The older boys hoisted him up on their shoulders when he succeeded and had a special song they sang for him every time he got it right. It was fun for them all, as I was very generous with the M&M rewards. He earned a huge amount of confidence, and the boys felt pretty good about themselves and the role they played. Added bonus :)

When the OT told me that at 30 months, Li'l Empress was not yet "age appropriate" in the area of self-care and responsibility simply because she had not even attempted potty training, it took everything in me not to give my little spiel. I mean, I know this is her job, this is her life and she's immersed in developmental milestones and all. I greatly appreciate the OT's skills and knowledge. I do, really. But from a Momma's perspective, from the heart of one who knows her girl better than any evaluator could: can we have a little context please? Can we look at the whole picture of Li'l Empress' life and growth to today's singular moment of evaluation? Could we take a step back and recognize all that Li'l Empress has accomplished and all the areas in which she is scoring well above the "age appropriate" targets?

(PLEASE, it's not that the evaluator was suggesting a problem or wasn't appreciative of the "big picture of Li'l Empress' life - although she didn't really even ask about her delays or life experience to this point. I had to offer the information. Context. You get me? That's the point of this post. This is my thought process in the midst of the evaluation.)

So I did what any good Momma needs to do in a moment like that: I gave myself context. I know that every kid is different. All four of my older kids had vastly different potty training experiences and varying levels of success. Bigger than that, within our extended family there has been a wide range of ages, starts and re-starts, regressions, and successes. And even bigger than that, as my good friend M told me last night, many children who have been adopted have a wide range of responses to the readiness and the process of potty training.

That concept of context is a big one in parenting, isn't it? Truthfully, it's been bigger than ever since we jumped into the world of special needs adoption. It's why I've often said that I feel like I went back to school once we received Li'l Empress' referral back in July '08.

Understanding microtia, atresia, and unilateral hearing loss.
Researching secure attachment and healthy bonding.
Studying what a good listening environment really looks like.
Practicing how to improve our home to be that good listening environment.
And more, so much more!

All of this requires that I learn context. Occasionally, context feels as if it's purposely eluding me. Other times, I am confident that I'm really getting a grip on it manner that allows Li'l Empress to grow, even flourish. To step out in new skills and milestones with confidence. It's a balancing act that I'm sure moms of other special needs kids can well identify with. It requires a delicate balance of stepping out and holding steady. It requires a deep breath and that internal conversation of "it's okay - she's not there yet, but she's getting there." And "she's got all this other stuff she's overcome and surpassed for her age, this will come too." I gave myself context.

Yesterday, I had an evaluation, too. And I am proud to say that I think I am age appropriate in the parenting milestone of context.