Summer Fun... {A wrap up and a recipe!}

We started and ended our summer with some pretty significant parties. There's not much this Momma loves more than a big celebration of friends and family. And we've had LOTS of fun entertaining this summer, now that the deck and pool area are finished and the landscaping is grown in. The grass is lush and we still, even months later, are raving to ourselves about how restful and refreshing it is in our backyard. We have our own mini-retreat center after years of battling weeds, ugly rocks, ground-boring bees, and drab, colorless aesthetics. I'm so proud of the hard work that The Boss and my blue-eyed boy put in together to create this haven for our friends and family. 

Freshly washed and ready for the first big event back in May!

LadyBug had a Sweet 16 Bonfire and Night Swim party

on the Friday of Memorial Day weekend.

We "upped" the awesome factor by throwing

over 200 glow sticks into the pool once it was totally dark.

It was SO pretty!

BBE filled 11 hanging baskets with wave petunias in brilliant

red and purple for her party and for the second event,

my mom's 70th b'day celebration just two days later.

All these weeks later and the petunias are still hanging in there!!!!

So at the OTHER end of the summer fun was the Pool Party

we hosted for the local-to-us members of our adoption agency community. 

It was a great mix of old friends and new,

including some beloved staff members from the agency.

Everyone brought their own meat to grill for dinner plus a dessert or side dish to share. I'm telling you this because I made this amazing potato salad that MUST be shared before potato salad season officially winds down. I made it last week for a family event at my parents' house and it was such a hit that I had to try it again. Yes, I made it up. It's a tweak on The Boss's favorite Red Bliss Potato Salad but with a couple twists.

Blue Cheese & Bacon Potato Salad

 5 lbs red potatoes, washed and cut in bite-size pieces.
Boiled in salted water till fork-tender

and then set aside to cool to room temperature.

Equal parts of blue cheese dressing and light mayonnaise.

For 5 lbs of potatoes that is about 1 cup of each.

I particularly like this brand of dressing as it's yogurt based 

and so smooth without being too thick or rich for mixing.

**I am NOT being paid to endorse any of these brand name products.**

Oh, how I wish I were.

About 1 c. (give or take to preference) of crumbled bacon

1 medium Vidalia sweet onion, diced

1 (4-6 oz.) container of blue cheese crumbles

Parsley to mix in to taste AND parsley to garnish on the top.

Mix it all together very well, making sure that

 the salad is a little thicker than you wish for it to be when

serving time actually comes. It will loosen up when refrigerated.

This is one of those salads that DEFINITELY tastes better

when it sits in the refrigerator overnight for the flavors to blend. 

It pairs really well with any beef you might be grilling, 

but it's also super yummy with Balsamic Vinaigrette Marinated Chicken!

Next up will be The Gang's annual "First Day of School" post. I can hardly believe summer is over and my gang is all heading off to school already. ESPECIALLY, {gasp} our little Mei Mei. She's heading off to the sweet little pre-school that Li'l Empress attended when she was 3 and 4. I'm under no illusions that this will be an easy transition for her but we've been talking it up big for the last three weeks and her tour of the building and intake assessment will hopefully still be in her memory banks as a positive experience.

Heh.

One can hope, right? Right?! Sigh... I'm not even sure I believe that. But I'm telling myself that over and over, particularly when she melts down over me leaving her side to run to the grocery store or meeting a friend for lunch. EVERY time. Pray for us, ya'll. Just pray.

Here I Lay My Ebeneezer

I had a really cool experience today. The Boss and I took Mei Mei to our local Intermediate Unit location to have an Occupational Therapy assessment performed. Back in June, her speech therapist and I noticed some fine motor skills and a couple processing issues that have been lagging behind. Nothing is super alarming, but when these particular skills are taken in relation or proportion to the progress that she is continuing to make in the other areas of her development, it is worth checking out.

We are preparing to send her to pre-school in the fall and this time of year when her IEP is being renewed, we are especially mindful of all of the areas of development that need our continued attention. The new IEP and the results of this evaluation will also be super useful in determining exactly HOW much she has caught up in the areas that sometimes fly under the radar (ya know, when one is the youngest of 6 kids in a very busy, active household.being made in other areas) and how to get her moving forward in other skills.

The OT also gave us a sensory profile to complete while they worked together at a separate table. (Have you ever filled one of those out?! Oh, man they are so cool. I was really getting into it, thinking about the answers for Mei Mei and then how I'd answer for Li'l Empress. Times like this make me feel like I ought to go back to school and get another degree!)  Anyhoo.... As I was reading the questions and ranging out the answers, I was also listening to Mei Mei interact with the evaluator and giggling at how our girl has grown in the two years since she's been home.

Full interactive conversation.

{Almost} complete sentences.

{Almost} completely understandable to a stranger.

And big dashes of her own little {okay, who am I kidding, HUGE!}

personality thrown in just to keep the evaluator on her toes.

It was pure delight to observe and think on for those moments. I know I'm biased, but the evaluator commented several times about "how much fun" this kid is. Make no mistake, she had to be brought back to task quite a few times and reminded to use her polite kind words to express herself. But she really was so much fun to watch.

I sat there for a few seconds as it was wrapping up, just immersed in gratitude. I'm so thankful for the moments when God stops me in my hustle bustle to show me where we've been and where we are heading. It was so much MORE than the assessment of skills in that moment, it almost felt "holy" - like my very own "Ebenezer."

1 Samuel 7:12 (NIV)

“Then Samuel took a stone and set it up

between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, 

saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.”

"Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"

by Robert Robinson, 1757

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I'll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I've come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I'll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

Miss Particular

The control issues that our Mei Mei experiences affect a lot of our daily life. It's exhausting sometimes, but we're taking the philosophy that we're building trust and confidence. So that if she's feeling uncertain and a choice about something small makes her feel more peaceful and secure in our interactions, we give that latitude.

It's bigger than the old adage "choosing your battles" with this kiddo. It's more about helping her feel that her voice matters and that her feelings count. So that when and if we arrive at a bigger issue where there can be no choice, she feels safe and trusts us. More than any other time in my parenting, I feel as if this kiddo has us on a huge learning curve and we're all kind of finding our way together in this particular lesson.

We know how ridiculous her need for choices can get, we all try to make them non-issues when we can. As I sit her typing this, she's "helping" her big brother put away the dishes and he's cracking up because she insists the forks go in the spoon slot. He's really good-natured about it and he knows he'll have to fix it when she tires of the task. We've come a long way, baby.

Thank goodness for this and for the other light-hearted funny moments that make the learning enjoyable along the way. These are the moments that keep us all sane.

***********************

Yesterday, while The Boss was getting a plate for her strawberries, he was grumbling a little bit about how picky she is and how a bowl would be just as good as a plate, even though all the bigger kids had plates with their berries. He walked back over to the cupboard and pulled out a plate and walked back to Mei Mei.

When he set the plate full of berries on the island for her, he said, "I'm going to change your name to Miss Particular, Mei Mei."

Without skipping a beat, Li'l Empress piped up (in her cheery, eager-to-please voice), "I am gonna keep my name the same, right Daddy?"

12 Months of Mei Mei

Come on in and enjoy the stroll down memory lane 

as we celebrate a year of life with our Mei Mei...

It's never boring, it's not often easy (as of late),

but it's always, always full of love and joy.

We can't imagine life without her!

Our first morning home together with all the Gang!

{April}

Her first Mother's Day.

{May}

Uh Oh. Ya caught me!

{June}

This sassy girl loves her some accessories!

{July}

Sweet sisters snuggling.

{August}

She also loves her some Minnie Mouse!

{September}

This is one of my faves - those chubby cheeks

just kill me!

{October}

No first trip to the mall

is complete without a first taste of

CFA, am I right?!

{November}

Such a rough month for our girl.

First surgery, sleepless nights, and more.

{December}

They love being my little baking buddies together!

{January}

 Our little fashionista

{February}

 Her favorite new thing is to yell, "Cheese!"

and be on the "taking" side of the camera these days.

{March}

Good Morning and Happy Forever!

Today is a beautiful, happy day to look back

and to thank God for the gift she is.

{April 7, 2014}

(She celebrated by eating strawberries with
her breakfast. That's a HUGE milestone in and of itself!!!!)

****************************************************

Happy One Year Mei Mei!
We are so grateful you are ours and we are yours.

You have changed our family in beautiful and necessary ways.

We love you, bunches and bunches and bunches!!!!!!

For a look back at our

adoption trip to China,

(particularly for my newer readers)

you should start by clicking on 

this link: "We Are Here!"

Happy Reading :)

An Unwelcome House Guest

It's been pretty quiet here in my little corner of the blogosphere. I know. We've been in a hard season with things. This season has been exhausting. Frustrating. Desperate. Isolating. Painful. Exhausting. Draining. The pace of our household has hardly relented in deference to the hard season. It couldn't.

I can tell you exactly when it started.

Let me tell you the story.

In early December, Trauma came to visit. He snuck into the house, bringing Control, Anxiety, and Fear with him. They are the kind of house guest that rolls into your pretty little guest room unannounced. The kind of house guest that brings his unpleasant friends stowed away in his suitcase before you can even process that his suitcase has been tossed on your guest bed. On the good linens no less. They are the kind of house guest the adage speaks of: "Company and fish start to stink after three days."

Let me tell you, it stunk way sooner than three days.

It seems as if Mei Mei's first surgery brought Trauma out of hiding. It's totally understandable and we knew to expect it from lots of previous experiences - Trauma lurks in those hospitals for lots of kids. Kids from great, loving, nurturing beginnings. Kids from hard places. Kids with serious sicknesses. Kids with simple playground accidents. But it really feels like he was waiting for her in that room. Hiding under that oh-so-institutional crib cage. Hovering under the ugly, rough blankets.

Worse, he felt it necessary to follow her home from the hospital. He toyed with her, making a game of randomly waking her. He got his buddy to help. Fear clutched at her throat. Trauma whipped Control into a frenzy of raging tantrums over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that weren't cut "just so." He'd whisper in Anxiety's ear a teensy little musing, thus starting the "Telephone Game" of insecurities repeated and grossly warped beyond recognition by the time they got to my girl's ear. It took us a few weeks of muscling through our own sleep deprivation and the dirty laundry of these unwelcome guests to figure out that they thought they were here to stay.

When the awareness took root that these weren't visitors, but squatters, The Boss and I dug into our bag of spiritual warfare tactics and started making things very uncomfortable for these intruders. It's been hard work, this remediation of the damage they sought to inflict. It's taken all of our energies. Certain Fruits of the Spirit have gotten extra work-outs, through the muddle of sleep deprivation.

{Really, moms, isn't the irregular sort of sleep deprivation the worst kind of all? I think I could probably get used to 4-5 hours of sleep if that was the new norm. But 8 hours, then 4, then 6 then 4 again? Oh.MY.WORD.}

Scripture is being spoken, sung, hummed, and prayed. The new rocking chair is logging many, many miles. Old hymns of Truth and Promise are being called to mind, used as lullabies, even if the verses are mixed up and tunes are badly mangled. The security and anchor of The Word that my folks encouraged me to memorize and sink deeply into my heart as a young believer are pouring out when I'm too tired to coherently put together my own prayer.

Practical things had to be tended to, to aid the eviction of the unwanted tenants. So January was spent re-establishing household routines and my beloved systems. (Gasp! Yes, even I was shocked at how long it took me to get back on that bandwagon I so love!) I grocery shopped multiple times between snow storms. I baked and cooked whenever the snow dumped on us, and we were snowed in. Menu planning, preparation of the daily dinner, and laundry days all were re-instituted. Many days those tasks were literally ALL that I could handle. But handle them I did. Anxiety had no choice but to pipe down in the wake of the loud, proud boasting of permanence and structure that our return to routines gave. I much prefer when Security and Confidence hang out with my gang, don't you?

February was focused on establishing some kind of social schedule for the little extroverted Mei Mei and her extrovert momma. Too many unstructured days staying home all day gave Trauma and Control way too much freedom to wreak their havoc. Play dates here at home and busy mornings out to do our errands made way for Joy, Cooperation, and Peace to hang out with us. It continues to amaze to me just HOW much of an extrovert this little girl is!

And while we aren't certain that Trauma has left the building just yet, we do feel as if he's recognized that his days are numbered. When he slinks off into the darkness and muck from whence he came, he will have no choice but to pack up his traveling mates with him. The foundation upon which we have built our home has made Trauma's stay an uncomfortable one and he's learning that we cannot, WILL NOT co-habitate with him.

Since our name is on the mortgage, he's the one that's got to go.

Special thanks to my lovely friend, Amelia.

Her keen eye for detail, spiritual wisdom,

and excellent writing skills

helped me pull this metaphor

together with far more eloquence

and consistency of voice

than I am capable of in this hard season!

Retiring the Old Gal

Nope, not me. I mean, I'm old. And feeling older by the day. But no, I'm sticking around for a while still. I'm sure you are all relieved.

We've officially retired our rocking chair. It might not seem like a big deal to many of you. But this sentimental mom is remembering the past 14 years of snuggles, middle-of-the-night feedings, spit up and more. All in this $100 Toys-R-Us clearance bargain I scored when I was expecting LadyBug. Who is now 14. Sigh. Four.Teen. Again, with the sigh. But it was long past time for a change. A quiet, smooth-riding change. This late 90's model has seen better days. Its contributions to the noise quotient in this house have exceeded Momma's limits.

I've mentioned before that I have purposed to cherish and use Mei Mei's naps and night time routines for all that they can be. But since Mei Mei's surgery, we've really been struggling with some hard night time issues. Sleep irregularities and deprivation have taken a toll on us all. She's taking MUCH longer to settle for both nap and night time. And that longer time has translated into raucous, grating, obnoxious squeaking and creaking from this old rocking chair. No amount of WD-40 has consistently worked. No tightening of bolts or screws has stood up against the steady rhythm of comfort that I have had to engage in twice a day for my girl. And the terrible noises have made me tense. Oh, so tense. Which, of course, has NOT contributed ummmm, positively, shall we say, to the process of soothing and gentling my girl to her rest. Rest that she desperately needs to feel in order to heal, both physically and emotionally.

So I bit the bullet and started shopping around a bit. True to form, the glider rockers that I really wanted to purchase were ridiculously, insanely crazy expensive. You know the ones that look like lovely recliners and "real" furniture for the family room? Yeah. Those are really gorgeous. But out of The Gang's budget by hundreds of dollars!

I wanted something that would do a great job playing its part in a quiet and peace-filled bed time routine but that also would fit seamlessly into the decor of the downstairs of the house when our rocking-Mei Mei-to-sleep-days are over (sigh, sob). I found a great deal on W@yF@ir, and scored a good price on a special sale day. A couple clicks and my new chair arrived on Monday.

In the process, I may have developed a teensy tiny addiction to their website. And to their giveaways. Maybe.

OH! ALL! THAT! FURNITURE!

OH! ALL THAT REDECORATING I'M DOING IN MY HEAD!

Mei Mei isn't too sure how she feels about it yet. She keeps patting it and saying "Soff, Soff," but she isn't totally embracing it yet. She kind of watches the cushion warily while I'm settling us in. But me? Heh. I might take my next nap there. It's quiet. And soft. And quiet. Oh. SO. Quiet.

I Need (Her) Nap

"Bah, Bah" she mumbles as she sleepily grabs her dolly and sighs while I lift her in my arms. The first two fingers of her left hand find their way into her mouth and she fumbles at the sleeve covering my magic left arm. She fusses and vocalizes her displeasure at not being able to reach my bare skin and I soothe her while I climb the stairs to her room.

We say "Nigh Nigh" to the neighborhood out the front window and shut the shades "together." I turn on the humidifier and shut the bedroom door with a little "help" from my girl. Together, we cross the room and settle down into the creaky old glider-rocker. Her efforts to get at my bare left arm renew and I soothe her again while I push up the sleeve as best I can. This long-sleeve season is NOT her friend.

As soon as she has free access to the kryptonite that is my left arm, she snuggles into the crook of my arm, She lays full length across my midriff and rubs her cheek in the soft crook of my elbow contentedly while starting her "snuggle hum." Those two fingers are getting quite a work-out and after finding her perfect spot, the little feet at the other end start to wiggle.

"Okay, Mei Mei, let's pray. Dear Jesus ("Jee-yah"), thank you for today ("day"). Thank you for .... Amen. (happy grunting ensues)."

"Mei Mei, now that we are done praying, it's time for you to be quiet and go to sleep."

"Tay."

In a matter of seconds, those little feet are rubbing up against my right shoulder. She's quite agile and attempts to stick her toes in my hair. By this time, I have already begun to sing our rotation of "night night" songs and hymns and she's joining along in her (also) off-key snuggle hum again. As she settles into the crook of my arm and her breathing slows, I turn to humming these songs. The rotation of songs is almost always the same. I know it's not the greatest attachment parenting practice, but lately I've taken to humming with my eyes closed and my head resting back to avoid the eye contact that will spark attempts at conversation. Because, as we've learned the hard way, CONVERSE she will! (Plus, I'm exhausted. Like 45-year-old momma chasing a 2-year-old exhausted.)

Several rounds of "Amazing Grace," "Jesus Loves Me," "It is Well," and "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" later, her snuggle hum has subsided and sweet sleep has taken over my girl. She's still. And quiet. Oh, so blessedly quite. It's a beautiful thing, watching her drift to sleep out of the peeks that I allow myself as her weight relaxes in my arms. I love holding her while she relinquishes all her grasps at control. All her super-human efforts to communicate and Tell! Me! what she's thinking. All her energies of creating elaborate playtime scenarios and her invitations to her dolls and toys to join the fun. It's no wonder she falls asleep so hard and deep.

This daily nap-time routine has become a cherished break in my day. And not just for the obvious "Mommy needs the break" relief that washes over me at 1 p.m. every afternoon. (You all can "Amen!" me here, I know you all get!) I know that the resulting sleep is so good for her. Her two-year old self needs the rest, physically and mentally. It's hard work being a super busy toddler with  big world to explore. Nap time gives her the rest her body needs.

But the sleep that comes on the heels of this little routine of ours is, in my mind, almost a secondary benefit. The routine itself is just as necessary to this little one as is the actual sleep that follows. The connecting and anchoring that happens with the same-ness of this daily touch point does as much, if not more, to refresh and renew her spirit. And mine... The predictability of the walk up the stairs, the routine of the gentle rocking and my (off-key) singing. This routine is a tangible keystone in her (still) new life whereby she is granted a safe place to re-charge after the long mornings of making sense of this world into which she's been plunked with no warning and no preparation. She needs it.

I need it.

I need the stop in my day that makes me REMEMBER that she needs more of me. She needs me differently than my other kids did at this age and stage. Than they do now. She needs the reinforcement of external routines that speak to her loudly of our perseverance. Our commitment to her. The "forever-ness" of it all. She craves the consistency and the structure that moments like this routine provide to her. I see what unpredictability produces in her. And sometimes, it is not pretty. It sparks a grasping for control. An anxious stealing of attention, no matter how negative. A screeching stranglehold on the security that we are trying to lay as her foundation.

I've noticed that when I don't STOP, when I don't use that routine together as fully what it can be for her, I'm short-circuiting myself and my efforts to re-wire my girl for family (vs. institution). I'm cutting myself off from the opportunity for success. I need that time to re-focus on compassionate responses and facilitating healing. Holding her, singing over her and rocking her in my arms - that routine that (most days!) makes me fall in love with her all over again. And that? That makes me ready to move mountains to get this girl all that she needs to thrive and build on in the process of becoming all God has intended her to be.

I need her nap.

6 Months of "ALL HERE!"

I'm still here. So much to say and so little time to say it all. But this week, we're celebrating another fun milestone. Mei Mei has been home with her gang for 6 months, as of tomorrow morning. Having The Gang really finally be "all here" after years of longing for our girls and months of waiting for her specifically to make it home has been more of an adjustment than we anticipated. Not in bad ways but sheesh, the calendar is HOPPIN' on a daily basis and I'm regularly amazed at the juggling of all things "mommy administration" that I'm learning. So many things have fallen through the cracks, things that I never missed before. It's been humbling and annoying too. But we are getting a good groove and I feel quite content most days with the routine we've settled into around here. Most days. {Snort}

As for Mei Mei, I'm happy to report that her adjustment has been almost seamless. It's like she was just primed and ready to become the missing little puzzle piece around here. She's settled in with a great big happy sigh and barely a blip in some of the ways that we anticipated struggle or bumpy roads. In these last 6 months, Mei Mei's also been cleared of all possible anomalies that often come with her presenting diagnosis. She's made HUGE strides in language - in fact, she is trying new words daily and we are regularly astounded by how "conversational" she is becoming. Her personality is BLOOMING. She has a very mischievous sense of humor and surprises us with how intelligent her "people skills" are. She's displaying all kinds of signs of very healthy attachment, and her confidence in our love for her and her place in our home is so much fun to watch. We've been able to drop her off to the nursery at church and at my Women's Bible Study consistently for several weeks now and she barely bats an eye. In fact, last week, before I was even ready to walk out, she was blowing me kisses and saying, "Bye! Bye!" She's a great sleeper and we're working on helping her be a good eater. Still can't get her to touch vegetables. Of any kind. Ever. Except potatoes. But we've got some fruits that she consistently likes, so that's big too.

The Boss has been busy getting together all the supporting documentation for our 6-month post placement report, after my 2-hour meeting with the social worker last week. I know lots of folks complain about the meetings but I have to say, I had fun tracking our progress out loud and seeing the journey from the social worker's viewpoints. Admittedly, it was also fun to spend the morning talking with an adult and not repeating myself a hundred times about leaving the cupboards closed and "please don't unstack the diapers." :)

Here's one of the pics that is required for the report - and sadly, one of the only that exists of all 8 of The Gang together. We're working on a family picture sitting with my friend, Marie, who always gets amazing shots of my kids. Which JUST reminded me, I still haven't submitted my order for Mei Mei's 2-year pictures that we had done back in JULY. OH, UGH. I'm so behind in so many things. I'll share those soon, too. Once I get the order placed, that is :)  AND if I remember, I'll share Dr. D's senior picture, cap and gown and all, with you too!  But for now, here we are - 6 months into this Gang of Eight! We're rarely "all here!" at the same time unless we're sleeping. So this was kinda monumental.

Astounded

For about a week now, Mei Mei has been walking around the house "singing" this repetitive set of sounds that made me sit up and take notice. It really sounded like she was trying to sing SOMETHING, I just didn't know what!

When I took the time to just sit and watch her while she was singing, I was astounded! See, the last several weeks have been full of evaluations, consultations, and doctors' reports that have been hard to wade through. Information has been flowing like a rushing river, about her cognitive abilities, her emotional/social abilities, medical needs, speech and language skills, and more. While not all of it has been difficult to hear and certainly not all of it has been "bad news" it has still been quite overwhelming.

{At this point, I must give huge props to our International Adoption Clinic at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia - they did an excellent job of thoroughly preparing us for all the ranges of the needs listed within Mei Mei's file and then some. Nothing we've heard has been a surprise, even if some things have been slightly more complicated or critical in the ranges of needs than we'd hoped. If you are preparing to adopt, please, please, please look into a clinic such as this one - the information and preparation for your heart and mind and your family's plans is invaluable!}

I've watched her for a couple days now and almost every time she's "singing" she's also sitting in her little rocking chair, either holding her baby or raising her arms up in the air with her eyes squinting shut and her head swaying in time to the rhythm in her head. When I figured out what the repetitive sweet sounds likely are and I realized what it is that is washing over her heart and mind, coming out as "yeaaaaa, yeeeee aaaaaa yuuuuuuuu yeeeeee" I was, again, astounded!

She's singing "Jesus Loves Me."

She's not just singing a song. She's re-creating our time together in the rocking chair at each nap time and bed time when I sing this song and a few others to her before settling into her crib for some much needed sleep. That she's making that connection and imitating it, after only 6 weeks home and probably only 4 weeks of such a regulated routine is nothing short of astounding. That she's often taking it one step further and pretending to worship or to rock her baby to sleep like Momma rocks her to sleep just about brings me to my knees.

THIS is the good stuff of adoption, my friends.

There are many, many hard things about parenting a child from traumatic beginnings. And trust me, as we've been fleshing out the (very likely) details that led to Mei Mei coming home to our Gang, we've realized anew that there have likely been some pretty traumatic experiences in our girl's short little life. To have her HOME, HAPPY, (mostly) HEALTHY, and SINGING her little heart out like this is more of a gift than even I imagined when we were waiting to get to her. And that's comin' from a Momma who has "been there done that" once before. I was (mostly) prepared for the difficult surprises that might come our way - these happy ones still take me off guard sometimes!

{Again, big plug for a great international adoption clinic that has a wide base of information and professional experiences with which to help us piece her story together with the "most likely scenarios" to fill in some of the blanks!}

I posted a link to this article earlier today on my F@cebook page. I put off reading it for a couple days after I first found it because I knew it would be a hard read considering all the transition and anchoring we are settling ourselves into these days. I wasn't wrong. It was a hard read. But also a really good read. Some great reminders for me to step it up in a few areas and some encouragement for the road ahead. Not just for Mei Mei but for Li'l Empress too.

Despite the hard stuff that can come with parenting my little treasure from Ch!na, there are moments that I look at her, rocking in that little chair, singing her heart out. And I'm astounded at the gift she is.

"OOOOOPS! You caught me, Mommy!

And yes, I changed all your settings. Have fun fixing them!"

On a side note: 

I've tried and tried to video Mei Mei "singing" 

but as the resident ham of the house,

each time she sees the camera come out,

she changes up what she's doing

and I keep missing the purity of the moment.

Hence, the surprised look on her face

in the picture above: total surprise mixed with

sheepish recognition of a "no no" behavior! :)

Two Months!

I can't believe it's been two months today since we met our sweet little Mei Mei in person. Recently, we've been watching episodes of "The Little Couple" on TLC and this week's show brought back so many amazing memories of the first days with both of our girls. The whirlwind of our new normal around here has been too fast-paced with far too many doctor appointments, therapy meetings, and end-of-the-year school activities to recount each of them since I last posted. But I do feel like a look back at our girly over these last 8 weeks together might be fun.

This is one of the first pictures we got before we started

peeling her many layers of clothing off her on Gotcha Day.

That sad, kind of vacant look lasted a good portion of the day.

These two pictures are my favorite from our first day together.

She had finally loosened up a bit to trust us to change

her diaper and finish taking down all the layers.

This sweatshirt is one that we had sent to her

back at Christmas time.

After filling her little belly with puffs, yogurt melts, and ramen,

we were getting some smiles out of her.

By the time we were ready to all hit the hay,

about 14 hours after holding her for the first time,

we had been treated to a couple tiny little attempts at giggles.

This is May 8th, as close to the ONE MONTH

mark from Gotcha Day that I could find in my files.

She had discovered that week how much fun

it is to have her hair played with and styled.

Her inner girly-girl did NOT stay tucked away inside for long!

 Neither did her inner "make my Daddy laugh" girl!

Once she discovered how funny it was to contort herself

while Daddy was trying to manage her diaper and p.j.'s,

she started coming up with all kinds of fun tricks!

And here she is today, TWO MONTHS

after meeting her for the first time.

I can't believe how she's filling out!

Excuse the greasy Dominoes pizza doubling

as yet another kind of hair product and the fingers in the mouth.

While I'm everlastingly glad she has some means

of self-soothing and comfort,

it was pretty hard to get a picture of her today

WITHOUT those fingers in her mouth.

Four shots at the pediatrician yesterday

and a week-long tummy virus have seen to that for sure.

See that mischievous grin?

Yeah, she loves taunting and teasing with Daddy.

What you can't see is that she is wiggling her fingers under

his hand, trying to get those fingers BACK

into her little pizza-hole.

No time on Daddy's lap is complete without

his tickly, scratchy kisses on her neck and cheeks.

She sure puts on a good show of trying to avoid it

but minutes after I clicked this quick picture,

she was sneaking right back up onto the couch for more!

No doubt about it, bringing this little one home to join our gang has been crazy, busy, chaotic, and noisy. There have been some very difficult moments of transition and adjustment. We've had to digest some hard reports from the doctors and learn some new techniques for communication and managing her needs. And her eating habits have stretched our creativity and patience to the limits. But there are plenty of sweet, loving, crazy, and fun moments to help us get through the hard stuff. And we all agree that she's a perfect fit for our family and we couldn't be more blessed.

Sister Love

This is what I saw the other day

when the living room got mysteriously quiet.

I'm SO glad I tip-toed in

and peeked around the corner to investigate!

And yesterday, in the car on the way to another round

of testing and studies for Mei Mei,

I had heard her fussing and then quiet reigned.

When I turned around, this is what I saw.

It's taken a bit of time, but I love that we've reached the point where there are more pleasant and loving interactions between these two than there are jealous or unhappy moments. Li'l Empress has had some bouts of insecurity and emotional overload in the process but I think she's settling back in. As expected, the struggles have been mainly on Li'l Empress' side of things, as she's worked through the adjustment of becoming a Big Sister after years of being the baby of the family. The bigger gang members have been awesome at making sure that Li'l Empress knows she is just as loved and cherished as ever. It's been really sweet to see them all working through the adjustment together. And the evidence that Li'l Empress and Mei Mei are falling in love with each other is there for all to see.

Now, when Mei Mei stumbles and falls on the toys in the family room, Li'l Empress is the first to rush and get the boo-boo bear for her baby sister. And when Li'l Empress came in from the yard this week, crying over a perceived offense, Mei Mei would not leave her side and watched the proceedings with great concern. She even tried to hug her and kept patting her arm while Li'l Empress calmed down.

Early on in the "re-entry" process, Li'l Empress came to me in tears and through her hiccuping and sobbing, informed me that she thought we probably brought home "the wrong Mei Mei." Because this one was mean and not sharing her toys at all. And "she hit me with the dolly!"  I tried very hard to take her seriously at that moment, and address her concerns and validate her feelings. I helped her understand that baby behavior wasn't the same as "the wrong Mei Mei" coming home, but was something we'd all have to model and work through with Mei Mei. I reminded Li'l Empress that when she first came home, she hit the kids, too. And she was even known to bite them once in a while. That it was all normal "baby" behavior and her job was to teach Mei Mei how to be part of our family by showing a good and loving example. I got her calmed down and able to pray with me. But man, oh, day, I was cracking up inside. I couldn't believe that she was calling up prayers from LAST YEAR at this time, when we were still asking as a family for the Lord to give us clear leading and direction to the "right Mei Mei;" the one that He had chosen for our family. OMIGOSH - this kid has a memory like NOBODY'S business!

I know there will be seasons, ebbs & flows if you will, of this relationship as it grows and builds, but this week's little vignettes brought such joy to my heart and I've so enjoyed the peace and promise captured in each little picture. I am so confident that the moving forward will continue to be productive and full of sweetness even in the hard moments. I count it an immeasurable gift, that God would grant the blessing of sisterhood to my girls. No matter the age span between them, they have friends for life in each other!

Here's one from last weekend,

in which all three girls were

hamming it up with Daddy's iPhone.

I love this. And can't wait to see

differing versions of it as the years fly by.

(Oh, God. Please don't let the years fly by. Pretty please?!)

Building a Foundation

My parents came to a personal relationship with the Lord in the mid-70's. At that time and through the majority of the 80's, much of the praise & worship in their circles was Scripture put to music - straight from The Word. Choruses were simple and the quotes were often from The King James version of The Bible. I loved learning new songs: the lyrics were poetic and appealed to my poetry-writing heart. The many repetitions we sang sunk both the songs and the verses from which they came deep into my heart and mind.

It's a gift I treasure, particularly in the hard times of life. I feel His faithfulness and love for me when a song floods my heart, specific to the situation I'm facing, washing my thoughts with The Word. Being able to sing out, and thus stand on the promises and the declarations of His character and His commitment to me, has carried me in some very difficult times. I've shared here before how much I love the old hymns of my faith, for much the same reason. The bedrock that The Word put to music provides in my life is a comfort, a foundation, a keystone.

The other day, as I was rocking Mei Mei to sleep, I was singing and humming my favorite hymn, "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" as we snuggled together. Out of seemingly nowhere, the Lord brought an old chorus to my mind. I can't even say I was really searching for a new song to sing, though the minute I "heard" the tune in my head, I knew HE had just been waiting to give it to me again. I've been singing it all week long. I love the way He quickened it to me, wrapping me in His love and giving me another tool by which to sing her life verse over her day after day. I love that for years now I have had this verse memorized and buried deep into my heart. That I now have the privilege of delivering it to her little heart and mind. This is a bedrock verse for her life and I get to actively build that foundation of His love and His mercy for her each time we sit in my rocking chair to snuggle before bed and nap times.

Isn't He so good? What a gift, to be able to so directly speak to my daughter's heart.

The Steadfast Love Of The Lord

by Robert Davidson

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases

His mercies never come to an end.

They are new every morning,

New every morning

Great is Thy faithfulness, O Lord!

Great is Thy faithfulness"

One Month In

Wow, it's been quite a whirlwind since my last post. Poor little Mei Mei came down with a tummy virus that saw her sportin' a high fever with vomiting and diarrhea for a little over 24 hours. I was a little freaked out by it, honestly, because she is still so new to us and I don't AT ALL feel as if I have a handle on her "cues" of pain or discomfort. I think we weathered it okay - I just shut down everything else and spent most of Monday and Tuesday and a good part of Wednesday of last week holding her and moving gingerly through the day's routines.

Monday afternoon, LadyBug did homework

while occupying Mei Mei with the iPad so

I could get some laundry run.

Early Tuesday morning, she just could not keep her eyes open.

She slept on Daddy like this for over an hour,

after sleeping all night long. Poor baby!

Wednesday morning, Mei Mei was starting

to feel better. As evidenced by the opinionated

glare over the "new" 'do I did in her hair!

She rebounded nicely by Wednesday afternoon, only to be forced out of bed and out the door early Thursday morning for first meeting with her specialist at CHOP. What a day that was! Right at the start of the whole "adventure", we got re-routed off of the turnpike because of a terrible accident that shut both north and southbound lanes completely. Thankfully, the specialist had an opening later in the morning, so I followed The Boss down to the city on a long, circuitous route that lulled Mei Mei to sleep for the whole two hours we were in the car. Poor baby, she has so much "catching up" to do in the area of sleep and regaining her health - I was glad for the reprieve of the long nap.

The specialist and his nurse practitioner seem like really caring compassionate folks - they offered some great hope for the upcoming repair and maintenance of Mei Mei's medical needs. Of course, they also shared the harder parts of the journey ahead but I was really thankful for the balance of their frankness and candor. The first round of tests was done after lunch in the CHOP cafeteria and future tests were scheduled to get a full and complete picture of all that we will be facing with Mei Mei's health moving forward. We left the house at 8 a.m. on Thursday and didn't return home till 6 p.m. I sure hope that the future tests and consults don't take up the whole day like that too often - it's really hard to keep a little one happy and occupied in waiting room after waiting room - even at a children's hospital!

Friday was another doctor appointment, just an "in and out" to read her TB test results. But man, it felt like another "whole day" venture - she screamed in the car seat the whole way to the pediatrician and the whole way home. My nerves were SHOT by the time I stopped at the school to pick up Li'l Empress. Mei Mei was so happy to see her big sister that crying and shrieking on the way home was forgotten. After a nice long nap for both girls, and a bit of quiet time on the couch for Momma, our social worker came for our first post placement home study visit. I take these visits very seriously, but I could NOT help laughing at some of the things that the CCCW@ wants to know about our first month together. All I could think was that the first half of our first month together was spent "in country" which is such an unrealistic bubble of newness. And the second half was spent jet-lagged, groggy, and just "surviving." Routine? Normalcy? Habits? Heh. Heh. HEH!

I'm so thankful for my bigger kids, as I sit here thinking back on the week we just had. With all the crazy-ness of stinky diapers, smelly puke, weird nap times, dinners on the fly (Oh man, there were a lot of pb&j's and left-overs consumed last week!), and all the in & out we had to do, they just totally rose to the challenge. They helped where they could: they comforted Mei Mei when my hands were full. They got their homework done (mostly without prodding). They chipped in and really did a good job of keeping things running when I couldn't. Having The Boss home every morning these last days has been a huge help, too. I'm not too anxious for him to resume his o'dark thirty workout routines, even though I know they are so good for him. I think he's kinda enjoying being home to see all the kids in the a.m. as well.

I took the weekend of her nap times to run around re-stocking all of our groceries and household supplies. And friends of the family gifted us with a new-to-us changing table that blends into the decor and look of our family room just beautifully. So I also got to re-arrange the family room and do some cleaning and sprucing up that was long overdue. That was fun - despite The Boss's decided dislike for re-arranging furniture. Ever. :)

The family room, before.

Note the cute little helper perched on the hearth!

A close up of the little helpers :)

The family room, after.

Re-arranged. Fresh and clean. Dusted.

Today, I will fill the dresser and organize

her clothes into it. Yay!

It's been a full month now since we met our sweet girl. I doubt that any month of her life, from this point forward, will ever again have quite so much change and stress and turning upside down as this month has held for her. When I sit and think about how MUCH her life has had to change from April 7th to today, I am humbled by how beautifully she has navigated it all. And by the gift that her sweet little impish self is to our home. I was mindful of it all last week.

As hard as the days were for me (and believe me, being puked on three times in less than 12 hours was really hard for this momma), it gave me a whole new kind of compassion for my little one. Such a hard month she's had - good things all to come out of these big changes but so hard getting there, ya know? I'm really  glad that our first month together had more good than hard times, but I am even "gladder" that the hardest parts of the big changes are well under our belt (not totally over with, I know, but getting to the "behind us" stage for sure...).

It's a brand new week - of more true hibernation and laying low than last week could be. I have a couple friends stopping by for brief visits. LadyBug has her end of year band and wind ensemble concert. And nothing else on the calendar. I am sooooo looking forward to it. Lots of snuggling, relaxing, and getting to know my girl better and better. New memories to make together. New levels of trust and confidence to build. It's gonna be a good week!