So, somehow it has gotten all the way to Wednesday and I just now realized that I didn't post the couple thoughts I've been mulling over in my "drafts" pile of entries...
While I'm working on spiffing those up for ya, why don't you check out these couple gems I have found this week.
I appreciate the essence of what the author is getting at, and was especially intrigued by the comments that followed. It's also noteworthy that this particular batch of grown-ups could disagree on a couple things AND STILL ACT LIKE GROWN-UPS. How refreshing is THAT? {Hat Tip to Tonggu Momma for the lead on this one!}
Kay Bratt is the author of Silent Tears, a book that is quickly becoming a staple in most China-adopting moms' resource list. Again, the comments that follow this particular post are quite interesting and worth checking out. I so enjoy hearing the perspectives of other adoptive parents in their journeys of parenting.
While I haven't had a ton of personal experiences like those that these two authors have obviously endured, I have had a couple. I tend to assume from the outset of these kinds of conversations that the person inquiring about our adoption experience is doing so out of true curiosity and that it is only their wording or phrasing that is troublesome. In most of my interactions with folks, I think I tend to assume things from a positive slant, which might be why I feel kind of slammed as I blabber to respond. But, as I respond, and learn better HOW to respond (you know, with those canned responses I mentioned here), I am also learning how to re-phrase the inquiry in a more appropriate way.
I know the above links are to some longer-than-normal posts, but for those couple of you readers who are the ones that kind of kindled my "so you want to talk about adoption" series of posts, I really think that the reading is worth the while. If you would be so kind, come on back and share your responses, ideas or feelings after you've read the posts. I'd love to hear your thoughts!
3 comments:
Morning GM - there are some good thoughts in both those pieces - in particular I love getting the question "Was s/he very expensive?" I've actually gotten that one twice, once from a very curious and now waiting adoptive mom, and once from a total idiot. I was kind to the curious one - and she was completely embarrassed when she realized what she had asked - and I like a good laugh from time to time and still smile when I think about the idiot.
It's interesting too - questions we never seem to get relate to real issues like attachment and bonding....I guess is really shows how 'shallow' some of the interest is.
Still - well worth reading, and Kay really does have her head around some of the issues - I would never have believed that she's not an adoptive mom!
hugs - good stuff - aus and co.
That's an excellent point you raise, Aus. Not many folks inquire about the "after" or the "real life" experience of living as a family who has adopted. At least not many of the folks from whom I've fielded questions. There does seem to be a pre-ponderance of inquiry about the process and the "why..."
I get questions and comments all! of! the! time! One of the most offensive occurred about three weeks ago, although thankfully the Tongginator was not with me. A fellow parent volunteer at the school library started telling me all about her friend's (adopted) daughter who had - and I quote - bad blood. She described "issues" which she attributed to "bad blood," but which sounded like attachment issues to me. *sigh*
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