"Mommy Do Nuggles"

Earlier this week, I noted that Li'l Empress has experienced success and increased confidence in staying in her toddler class at church.  Well, I think I was so high on the adrenaline rush of her recent accomplishments (potty training has been deeee-lite-ful with her!) and feeling so refreshed by the ability to sit through an entire worship service and sermon that I lined up another "project" for us to tackle together this past Monday.  This one is no less important, but as we are gaining some great progress, I found it's actually been more bittersweet than I expected it to be.

We are training Li'l Empress to be able
to do her night time routine with Shaggy.

On the surface, it sounds like no big deal.  And the carrying out of the project has really been no big deal, for Shaggy or for Li'l Empress. We've been wearing her out before lunch daily in the pool to make her really ready for nap time. So at 11 a.m. for the last three or four days, screams of laughter and "do agin," have been echoing around our pool area while the big brothers indulge her repetitive need to jump into their arms, "race" them across the pool, and engage in splash fests. She's been sooooo tired that I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have mattered WHO was laying her down for her naps. But I keyed into it on Monday afternoon. As attached as she is to me and as often as she begs for "Mommy do nuggles" at night time, I knew it would make the transition easier  to take advantage of her exhaustion.

The Boss and I haven't had a date night out in 2 years. And really, we need to institute some sort of date night into our schedule again. It's worked really well since she came home to limit our "out of the house" date times to coffee or late lunches while she napped, but the opportunity presented itself this week in the form of a really weary toddler and a willing big brother. I jumped at the chance and she's gone down for naptime really well for him each afternoon.

Last night, I asked Shaggy to give the night time routine a whirl.  She was tired, having played after dinner in the pool with Daddy.  I was exhausted, having run around all evening cleaning up and getting the dinner, laundry, dishes, lists, and more laundry finished up for the night. Shaggy was willing, having long ago pledged himself to be Li'l Empress's loyal subject and bondslave for life.  He walked her through the night time routine, she settled in and fell right to sleep.

I was left feeling a bit bereft.  A little adrift.

A little more tense and stressed than I normally feel

at that time of the night.

I missed "nuggle" time.  

No matter how hard the day has been, no matter how willfully Li'l Empress has behaved, no matter how stressed I am at the end of a long, busy day: that time with Li'l Empress is almost always the most peaceful, sweet moment of my day. I take pleasure in the warmth of her little body on my lap. She prays to Jeee-ah in her sweet little voice, thanking Him for her Daddy and Mommy, and I can physically feel the tension leaving my neck and shoulders.  She burrows that little head into the crook of my neck and I sigh in contentment.  She chirps a little, "I lah looo, Mommy," as I lay her down to bed with her doggie and blankie and I know the day is done. And most days, I'm pleased to know that it was done well.

So, while it's very important that Li'l Empress be very comfortable with Shaggy being able to put her down for bed and be able to fall asleep with a slightly different routine at bedtime, I have to say, I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen too often for a while yet. As long as she is still begging for "Mommy do nuggles," you can bet I'm not gonna be giving it up easily after last night. I have a feeling, in the big picture, it's not going to last much longer. She'll be three at the end of the summer. I don't want to miss any more chances to end the day with those "nuggles," than I absolutely have to.

Wordless Wednesday

Dinner Date with a Cousin

For more Wordless Wednesday fun,

head over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

The Best Thing

These are just five of the

reasons I LOVE this man...

Happy Birthday to The Boss!

I think you are the best thing

that ever happened to me.

Another Hurdle Cleared!

The toddlers' class at church made these adorable little gifts for the fathers this Sunday.  This is noteworthy to us for several reasons. First, Li'l Empress has discovered the joy of creating with sticky stuff.  For those of you who know me intimately, you know kid-crafting is not.my.thing. So I'm really glad that she gets this outlet in her little class each week.

But the second reason this is so noteworthy, and most exciting for all of us, is that Li'l Empress HAS a little class to go to each week. Yes, I said it. HER class. She's gained a new level of confidence and now goes to the "Rockin' Tots" class every Sunday morning. LadyBug goes along, providing a transitional "security blanket" person for her little sister. It's working out beautifully on so many levels!  Li'l Empress is learning that we will always come back for her. She's learning how to tune out the different background and white noises of that environment with lots of room for safely failing and grace to re-try. LadyBug is learning how to serve her sister. The teachers are learning more about how to meet Li'l Empress's needs for face-to-face instruction. And Momma gets to sit through whole worship services AND sermons, with nary an interruption. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. And it's been several consecutive weeks of successful separations from Mommy and Daddy on Sunday mornings. Woot! Woot!

I've said to quite a few folks over the last 6 or 8 months that her reluctance and anxiety over being left in her toddler class seemed to be the last "big" attachment issue we've experienced with her. NOT to say that she has successfully conquered all of those developmental milestones that mark healthy attachment along the way. That would be foolish and arrogant of us to assume. I know that there will be re-visits to some of these stages, looking and feeling different as she grows and continues to experience life along the way. But this seems like it was a little hump she couldn't overcome.

The panic and racing heart, the "different" cry that would pour out of her. The clinging arms and uncertain glances around the room. Those of you who have faced this kind of separation anxiety in any of your kids, you know what I mean. Those things all kept cropping up every time we'd try again and again to leave her in class. Or the nursery where she always felt so comfortable. Seeing me depart a room  (anywhere but home or a family member's home) has regularly been scary for her. With consequences that often would last a long couple hours after the separation! I really tried so hard to be patient and consistent and unconditional with her over this one thing. I don't mind admitting it was hard and some Sunday afternoons I'd feel so frustrated with her lack of progress, with my own impatience, with my exhaustion from the emotions of it. The Boss was great at reminding me that she's done such amazing things in all her other areas of connecting and gaining that sense of security. He was also great at reminding me that our plan was a good one and that she wouldn't need us this way forever.  I'm so glad he was patient when I couldn't be!

I know she still has the hurdle of releasing LadyBug and handling class on her own, but looking back on it, I'm pretty confident that it won't last as long as the previous stage. And even if it does, LadyBug is enjoying being that hero to her sister. I can't help but think that even if LadyBug is missing some of her own, age-specific class time with her friends, she's gaining MILES in relationship-building with her sister. And with those little tykes who are becoming her sister's friends. (She's rather enjoying the attention and adoration of the other tots in the room, I've noticed!)

Another hurdle has been cleared. Another milestone marked. The original picture used for Daddy's little stickered picture frame showed us just how grown up our Li'l Empress is becoming. When I look at this picture, I don't see very much of that scared, chubby little baby girl who couldn't look me in the eye back on that beautiful September morning in Xian. I see a little girl. A bright, engaging, stunning, and love-able little girl. Smiling into the camera for her Daddy. And I'm beyond words when I look ahead to what God has for her as we clear life's hurdles together!

Wordless Wednesday

Lest you think that all we do is sit around

watching and waiting for Li'l Empress to potty.

The gardens here have undergone

a massive transformation.

These lovely ladies are here to greet you

at my front door.

For more Wordless Wednesday fun,

head over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

I Gotta Get a Life!

I know, I know. . . believe me, I know. The fact that I've posted four times in less than two weeks about our adventures in potty training Li'l Empress speaks to many issues. NOT the least of which is the fact that I have no life right now.

Which isn't entirely true. I do have a life. It's just stuck in this weird summer-not summer limbo. With a dash of potty training obsession thrown in for giggles. I have the two older boys home with me and Li'l Empress all day long, finished with their schooling for the year. They're sleeping in, begging for Wii time, and coming thiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to uttering the dreaded words, "But I'm boooored." (They haven't yet, but when they do, I'm ready. The boredom busters are lining up in my mind even as I type!)

But I also have this annoying thing called SCHOOL that wakes me at the crack of dawn every morning. I mean, the waking occurs at the prompting of my alarm-radio. So that I can experience the joy and delight (insert snarkiest tone here!) of waking Baby BlueEyes. After he turns off his own alarm and falls back into bed whining and moaning.

We tip-toe quietly downstairs while Li'l Empress and the big brothers slumber away, all the while resenting the division of the day. Well, I resent it. I would rather be sneaking in another half hour or so of sleeping. Sleep that I know Li'l Empress would indulge in if the hall floorboards weren't creaking and doors weren't opening and closing. Sure enough, as soon as I get downstairs and am counting scoops of coffee into my beloved Happy Machine (read: coffee-maker), I hear her little voice calling me.  It's a darned good thing this kid wakes up happy and smiling most mornings.  It's a blessing for her that she's really cute. Cuz the level of EXCITEMENT! and EXUBERANCE! that she brings down the stairs with her is enough to make me want to crawl under the table and weep.

And since we started the potty training?  Well, that EXCITEMENT! and EXUBERANCE! has gone up a notch or two. Or 20.  Every time she potties successfully (which, in the morning, seems to be every gosh-darned 10 minutes), she jumps up and down, yelling, "I did it! I did it! Yay! Yay! Yay!"  She's so excited by her accomplishments, she doesn't even need the reward of the M&M anymore.

But I do.  Cuz the coffee isn't ready yet and when I'm looking at her sweet, little, mostly nekked body jumping around the kitchen in all her EXCITEMENT! and EXUBERANCE! I see three of her. In slow motion action, blurry and loud. Really, really loud.  (Yes, without my coffee, I think I "see" her loud. I do. And the sleeping brothers hear her. Evil laughing ensues on my part.)

We're well on our way to diaper free around here. All the chanting of "three for pee!" (3 M&M's per successful attempt after weaning her off the 1 just for trying). In fact, she's been in "big girl panties" for two days and stayed dry!  And whatever fear she might have experienced over p**ping is completely gone. Thanks to tons of apple slices, fresh carrots and a slight adjustment in the water to juice ratio in the kitchen!

I'm happy to say that she's been accident-free since last Thursday.  Me? Not so much. I've spilled coffee down the front of me, dribbled M&M's on my shirts, and tripped with almost disastrous consequences while carrying the little pot to the big pot for emptying and cleaning.

All of which left me wondering this morning just why I haven't figured out how to program the Happy Machine to be ready when my alarm goes off in the mornings.

Huh. I guess I was wrong. I really don't have a life anymore.

Linking Up

Okay, so there's some good stuff out there in bloggy land that I have finally gotten around to reading and processing.  With all the focus on "taking back my territory" and our "potty boot camp" around here, I'd gotten quite behind on reading my favorite blogs and websites.  Some of this will be new to you, some of it won't. But if you're looking for a good read while your little ones are napping or watching B@rney, here you go!

Supermoms R Us - made me want to stand up on a chair and cheer for Christie. That girl's got a way with the words.

one question answered - Stefanie tackles the question of affording adoption. Rather, she tackles the question of what your priorities are if you desire to afford adoption. Good stuff. But guard your toes - the truth might step on the little piggies a wee bit.

Why I feel Weird When People Ask How We're Doing - my adventurous and honest friend Stephanie tackles the "questions" and the question-ers.  Was a great reminder to me to only ask if I really want to know, and be really willing to hear the answer and LISTEN with my HEART for what a friend might be saying within the words. This does NOT pertain just to adoption, but that's what Stephanie is currently adjusting to.

Burdened - also by my friend, Stephanie, this post makes me wonder how many of us are really broken-hearted over the things that break God's heart. How many of us cry over the things that make Him cry?

I've Been Summer Schooled - Classic Mama is wise beyond her years, and the two-part post is giving my creative juices a run for their money.  Her great idea is a huge bonus for all of their family.  Plus, it's always fun to have a fellow-potty-training mommy with whom to commiserate.

how do you know? - This is a beautiful description of the many ways, within one family, that the Lord worked to reveal the next child to be added to the clan. A walk down memory lane for the mama and a great example to us of being open to God's creative plans. If you are not a regular reader over at the blog of No Hands But Ours, you really should be. It is a timely resource and I'm learning so much from the other folks who post there regularly.  I could list link after link after link that has made me investigate my parenting style and my views on adoption and special needs.

That's a smattering of what I've been reading this week, while housebound and potty training. I have to say, I had forgotten in the years since Baby BlueEyes learned his potty skills how hard it was to be home and focused on this big task. But the laundry is caught up, I've stayed on top of the dish piles that magically appear each time Shaggy or Dr. D meander through the kitchen, and I've gotten some brainstorming and planning done for summer.

What are you reading? What links have captured your thoughts and challenged you this week? Really, I want to know!!!!

Wordless Wednesday

 I know, I know. Enough with the potty talk already . . . 

But seriously, it's what we are all about this week.

For more Wordless Wednesday fun,

head over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

Adventures in Potty Training

Oh, my word. I have a really smart toddler on my hands.

Yesterday I mentioned that I started potty training. Well, my girl has me all figured out. She found a way to work the system. Already.

By 11 a.m. yesterday, she totally figured out that the incentive of 3 beautiful M&M's for sitting and trying were DA BOMB.  So she sat.  And sat. And sat. And sat.

Seriously, she barely left the kitchen. All morning. And into the early afternoon. And again after nap time.  She would walk over, lift her little tee, and sit. For about 12 seconds. Then she'd pop up and say, "I ready treat now, Mommy."  She'd munch her 3 little morsels of incentive. And go right back to the potty, sit down, and say, "I trying Mommy. Watch me."

I let it ride.  My philosophy of potty training is to make it as rewarding and positive and fun and productive in these first two or three days as I possibly can. We sing, we cheer. We clap and and give knuckles, high fives, and hugs. I even have a potty dance for the occasion.  So I let it ride.

However, between the copious amounts of chocolate consumed by my darling girl and the distinct lack of physical exertion she experienced (ya know, due to all that sitting she did), there was precious little napping going on.  Instead, she talked to all her toys, threw bunny out of the crib, played peek-a-boo with her blankies, chewed on doggie's ear. And sang random K@ren H*nley songs. At the top of her lungs.

After dinner (on the kitchen floor, n@ked and eating her nachos) she finally couldn't wait any more. She panicked a little and asked for a diaper. But I declined and went to watch The Boss mulch while listening to her as she tried to figure out what to do. Again, I knew she was smart and going to figure this out on her own. I just had no idea how it would play out.

LadyBug came running out to the front porch, "Guys, she p##ped! She p##ped!"  And at first, Li'l E was pretty excited and showing off her end result proudly. (Don't worry, I'm not gonna pull a K@te G*ss#lin and share video. That's way beyond even my personal boundary issues!!!!) We cheered, we clapped, we hugged and I danced.

Until it was time to dispose of it. Then.  Oh, then.

She started crying and screaming and asking for a diaper. "I no potty tain. I all done. Nee' die-pah."  She wouldn't stop. She was so freaked out about what had just happened. EVEN after I gave her TEN M&M's, in an effort to help her see how big this really was. And to distract her from the pitiful wailing and despair.

For the next hour and a half, she would. NOT. sit. on. that. potty.   Would. NOT.

I have to say, I'd heard of kids who were afraid to p##p anywhere but their diaper. But this is the first of my kids to actually experience it.  One in five. Not bad odds, I'm sure. But odd for us. I have a feeling this one is going to be giving us lots of these kinds of firsts :)

Finally, I sat down on the floor with her (I had to cut my conversation with my mom short, she was so upset!), hugging her and wiping her tears and telling her that diapers are only for night-nights and naps. I coaxed her to the potty seat. And promptly rewarded her with three shiny M&M's. Tears and chocolate-y drool flowed.

Then she pee-pee'd again. It all felt safe again. Nothing bad or scary happened. And she got 3 more M&M's.

See?  Smart, that girl. She's smart. And now highly caffeinated and sugared up.

Let the Potty Begin!

It's official. Li'l Empress has begun a new stage. We are potty training.

The big sibs are getting a kick out of my methodology, forgetting that it worked really well for them and that they all had lots of fun with it.  And the big brothers are slightly uncomfortable with, ummmm, the quick (and sometimes not so quick) peeks at little buuuunnnnns we all keep spying. Let's just say that they wished the t-shirt was a LOT longer :)

So far, she's on quite the chocolate high, having figured out really quickly that an M&M treat for just sitting and trying is REALLY! REALLY! FUN! And the bonus M&M's for actual successes are EVEN! MORE! EXCITING! because they are accompanied with cheers and hugs and a lap around the house to share the news with the brothers!

After a day or two of practicing and trying consistently, I'll drop it back to treating her with M&M's just for actual successes. But you can bet I'll still be rewarding myself for all the clean-up. Mmmmmmmm . . . .

And for being held captive to the three main rooms of my downstairs.  :)

Dusting off the Tools of the Trade

We are raising a strong-willed toddler. Who, currently, is in full blown verbalization, tantrumization, whinization mode.  {Chanting under my breath: It's just a season, it's just a stage. It's just a season, it's just a stage.} It's wearying. It's overwhelming at times. It makes me especially grateful for naps. For pre-school shows on-demand. For 8:30 p.m. And enclosed cribs.

Quite a few times over the recent weeks, (Okay, months. Who am I kidding?) I've had to employ tricks that I forgot I knew. I've had to take out some old tools that have been sitting in my parenting toolbox for a long while now, gathering dust.  I mentioned a few posts ago that The Boss and I had gotten a little lax in the discipline area of our home life.  This is one of those areas.

I'm sharing this today, not because I got it licked. Ya'll? I think I've been sufficiently real and raw enough that you all know I don't know it all. But in the past couple days, I've found myself reverting to a pattern that I learned from my mom.  Way before parenting manuals were all the rage, my mom was searching Scripture and using her God-given common sense to re-direct and re-train her little brood. Back then, some folks I'm sure thought she was unusual in some of her methodology. But every single time I try one of her tricks, I love how things come into order and peace again. My mom is/was a pro at distraction and funny, sweet, yet devious methods of getting us to see our own sinful behaviors. And at making us want to change them. She could write her own parenting manual, full of practical, common sense, intentional behavior-molding advice.  I'd buy it in a heartbeat!

I've heard lots and lots of various tips for training and re-training through the whiny stage. I've tried lots of them, with varying degrees of success. But this stuff? This is golden.  You may or may not agree with it. That's fine. It works for us, now and with the other toddlers many moons ago. . . I submit to you what I believe to be my most effective tools in combating the whiny toddler season.

Re-phrase:  When Li'l Empress opens her mouth and the first thing out of it is "I neeeeee...." in that screechy, nails-on-the-chalkboard-whine, I try to stop her mid-sentence or mid-thought and ask her to say it again, differently. The conversation goes something like this:

She says, "Mommy, I neeeeee jooooose."

 I hold my hand up, or my index finger and say,

"I'm sorry, Li'l E. Can you say that again, nicely this time?"

When we successfully complete the request in a kinder, more respectful tone, I congratulate her for asking so nicely and I give her the juice.

Re-direct: Let's face it. Basic human nature is to rebel against authority.  Anyone who believes differently does not have children.  :)  But it's true. At the core of our Christian belief system, we hold that we are nothing without Christ. That we cannot overcome our fleshly inclinations on our own strength. We need the  Father, His Son, and the Holy Spirit working in us and through us to submit appropriately to authority. So I've started doing some end-runs around Li'l Empress's desire to buck authority by changing the way I talk to her. I try to avoid trigger words, like "no," "don't," or "stop" as the first words out of my mouth. I re-direct her inclination to have her own way by re-directing the conversation from the get-go. I take control of the conversation, keep her mind and heart open to me, by NOT going to the "NO!" first. I manipulate the conversation in a way that helps her feel really good about choosing an obedient response or attitude. I follow it with much ado about it all. I applaud her choices, no matter that I've contrived the situation to lead her to that choice. I help her feel the joy and the power of a good choice.

Incidentally, as I was reading the Word last week, I observed something I'd not seen before in quite this way. Rarely in Scripture does godly spiritual counsel with "Don't" or "No." I observed that the words of guidance and direction of my favorite books like Ephesians, Colossians, and James that equip us for living are positive, practical directives on what TO do. When I read, "Don't" or "Stop" in Scripture, it's usually in the form of warnings or strong admonitions.  Granted, those are just MY observations and certainly not any attempt to create doctrine or theology. But if that's how I'm reading the Word, that's how I want my kids to be reading me. . . Make sense?

And a disclaimer?  Obviously, there are times when "No," and "Don't" and "Stop," are necessary. I'm not advocating that you never say "No" to your child. I am, however, encouraging you to consider using these words sparingly in the interactions with your kids. Especially in these years of really, intentionally going after their will and their spirit. I have a  wise friend who used to say all the time that she didn't want her home to be a war zone, so she was picking her battles carefully.  The toddler years are just a skirmish in the life-long war of putting our flesh under the submission of Christ. This is one of the ways I choose to keep the long-view that it IS just a skirmish and it is just a season.
It's just a stage.

Re-capture:  If Li'l E is caught in a cycle of whining or demanding or verbally exploding all over anyone in her path, it's usually our fault.  Ouch.  But it's true. If she has been speaking or otherwise verbalizing in an unhealthy, unacceptable manner, it's usually because we've let her. So we have to re-capture the atmosphere and the tone of the interactions and stop the cycle. She's not mature enough or conscious enough to do that on her own yet. It's like I told Shaggy the other day when he was totally frustrated with her attention-grabbing behavior: toddlers are all gut and instinct. They're all emotion and reaction. They have to be trained to respond appropriately. It's part of shaping and overcoming that basic sinful human nature.

One of the most effective ways we've found to re-capture the atmosphere for good is to employ a time in with Li'l E.  I've never been a big fan of time-out; when we were raising the older Gang members, we were old-school and spanked as part of a corrective process for defiance or dangerous behaviors (stop the behavior, spank appropriately, follow up with interaction and end with prayer and forgiveness). But Li'l Empress is not ready for regular spankings. We know that, we respect that, and we are far choosier about those things with her.

So a time-in is perfect for her for now. We remove her from the situation. We sit her on a chair that is NOT in an isolated spot of the home. We set a timer for 2 or 2 1/2 minutes. We stand with her while she sits. We require that she sit silently and calm herself down. We apologize and re-phrase the offensive conversation or behavior. Fresh start. But we do not leave her. I came upon this method quite by accident, as I discovered that a traditional time-out really freaked her out. Being left alone when she knows we are displeased with an aspect of her behavior seriously upsets her and the time-out was counter-productive.

Re-peat:  Yeah. Ummmmm. It's just what it says it is. I repeat this process, over and over, all day long. My requests for polite conversation. My re-direction of her rebellious nature. My re-capture of her sunny, happy spirit.  My re-phrasing of whiny demands. My re-routing of  her choices, empowering her to choose obedience. My taking back of the atmosphere in my home. My name, rank and serial number. Over and over and over. And again. One more time, a million more times, just for good measure :)

So, there it is. My pattern of dealing with the season of whines and demands that sometimes spew out of my darling Li'l Empress's mouth. What have you got in your toolbox? What have you found to be effective in training your toddler?  I want to hear from you . . . Let's chat!

Wordless Wednesday

 

This weekend, my son chose to obey the Lord

in the act of Water Baptism.

 

 The testimony of his journey

to personal faith in Jesus Christ amazed and humbled me.

And encouraged me in ways I know that the Lord

knew I really needed right then.

 We are so honored and blessed to be his parents.

For more Wordless Wednesday,

head over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

What is Wrong with This Picture?

Yesterday, I was the picture of productivity. I made a To Do list and started crossing items off said To Do list LEFT and RIGHT. I was a machine.

I made phone calls I've been avoiding for days.

I scheduled dr. appointments through till September for the various Gang members. Yes, mom, even THAT appointment that I've been avoiding. Turns out, I'm not over due for THAT. I only thought I was. That's a whole 'nuther post. My mind lately. Like a seive. I swear.

I sorted and purged a drawer or two. I re-organized the hall closet to ready it for summer. Beach towels, suntan lotion, swimmie diapers. We are set.


I straightened out a huge mess involving not one but TWO store bonus/savings cards and their related accounts Let's just say that from now on, The Boss isn't allowed to register for new cards at any stores. Ever. But it's okay. He was only trying to help. And I fixed it.

I started a menu for our upcoming SUMMER KICK-OFF WEEKEND with friends.

I started a grocery list and a freezer inventory to round out the menu planning for this coming weekend.

I even planned a little bit ahead to the coming week, knowing that I'll likely want some extra down time after all partying and late-night chatting in which I plan to indulge.

But. And it's a big BUT.

I completely forgot to plan dinner for my Gang. For that night. I thawed nothing. I prepared nothing.

I was completely unprepared to feed the clamoring mouths that started circling the kitchen around 4 p.m. Asking the age-old question (multiple times by multiple kids): "What's for dinner, Mom?"

So I hopped in the car, jammed my glasses on my face and ran to my neighborhood store. Only to pull in the parking lot and realize that it wasn't 4 p.m.

No. It was 5 p.m.

5:00 p.m. on a Thursday night.

And NOT a pay-day Thursday night. So covering my tracks by calling my local pizza dude was not an option.

I can plan meals for literally an entire month (And normally, I do. I even have a fancy-schmanzy Menu List that I print and post. And yes, they still ask. Multiple times. Multiple kids.)

I can forecast what sizes my kids will be in for the coming seasons. I can scope out sales and deals to outfit them for those coming seasons.

I can set up a list of future projects for our home, for the yard, for the kids. I can make a plan for accomplishing those projects. I can tell you how those plans are going to play out.

But for some reason, if I get working my tail off on a designated "catch up" day, I canNOT for the life of me get a meal together for that same day.

What is wrong with this picture?!

Wordless Wednesday

This year, opening the pool required

that the older boys jump IN the pool

to retreive some stuff that fell in during

a particularly windy storm.

It was quite chilly. "Bracing," I believe was the word.

Said through chattering teeth.

These two were a smidge jealous.

Until they stood in the water for a couple minutes.

Not so much then.

For more Wordless Wednesday fun,

that's actually, er, you know, wordless,

head over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

You've Been Served

Do your kids say that to each other? I mean, after someone has dished out a really snappy (often sarcastic or jibing) comment or comeback? I've heard it off and on from my four older kids a lot lately. A. LOT.  In harsh, snarky tones. Usually followed by a laugh or snort by the older, snappier  dudes. It really bugs me on a couple levels, especially when I've seen and heard it used as a means of furthering one's own agenda or exploiting another's weaknesses. It's become almost a catch phrase for a whole attitude that I think has recently infected our house. (Along with the second round of strep, fourth cold, and various and sundry allergy related ailments.)

So The Boss and I decided it was time to do something about it.

Well, The Boss and I agreed that something must be done about it. I actually did the doing this morning. First thing out the gate. Mondays are good that way for me. Fresh start, clean slate and all that.

I mean, I tackled it first thing out the gate AFTER I had my morning coffee started and AFTER (yet another) call to the pediatrician to schedule a squeeze-in appointment for Baby BlueEyes. I do have my priorities you know.

So, yeah. Anyway.

We've been frustrated these last few weeks with the degrees of selfish behavior and speech we've seen in our Gang. We know all the STUFF that goes into making it this way: the unending rainy spring days, the sniffles and colds, the ages and stages of development, blah, blah, blah.  But we also know that the WORD says that that STUFF isn't an excuse for sinful behavior.  And quite frankly, just between you and me, The Boss and I have been pretty lax about addressing the ROOTS of these behaviors. We have gotten caught in the big 'ole yawning trap of treating the behavior. Of reacting to the inconvenience and chaos that the behavior creates. Of slapping band-aids all around. All the while, green, slimy oozy stuff has been leaking out around those band-aids. Wounds have been inflicted and infected. And here we are, slapping band-aids all around.

Oh. Gross. That's a nasty metaphor.

But it works. Metaphorically.

We talked a lot to the kids over the weekend about truly loving each other. About serving each other out of the abundance of that love. We reminded them that NO ONE in this house should EVER. EVER. EVER. feel unsafe, disrespected, or unloved. That in OUR FAMILY, we don't inflict wounds. We heal wounds. We MUST heal each other's wounds. That we all have a part to play in that. And that dadgum it, we were all going to be doing something to change it up and get at the roots in each of the Gang.

The thing is?  Getting at the roots requires heart change. Heart surgery, if you will, to dig out and excise that little root of sin that is at the bottom of those wounds. And a doctor who is walking around with big nasty oozy wounds of his her own is kind of infectious. Contagious. And NOT in a good way. If you can guess where I'm going with this, then maybe you've been there, too? Kind of a "Physician Heal Thyself" thing goin' on here at the moment . . .

I know, I know. Enough with the oozing wounds, right?

So, where was I? Oh, yeah. I did something about it this Monday morning.  My new motto is "If you aren't going to serve each other out of love, then you WILL serve them out of sheer obedience to my command."

Heh. That sounds way harsher in black and white here than it did when I actually summarized it for my sweet little Gang members.

Basically, my new, inventive, getting-to-the-root-of-the-selfishness-between-siblings tactic is going to look like this:  if a little Gang member dishonors, disrespects, or otherwise hurts another member of this little Gang, the offending member is going to be instructed to serve that offended member in a very specific manner. For example, when a certain sibling responds to a certain other sibling's request to start her half of the weekly trash job with a huff and a puff and rolling of the eye, said sibling will be instructed to extend her portion of the trash job by emptying the diaper pail for the requesting sibling. And when she pouts at this new and creative disciplinary tactic to her Momma, she will further be instructed to fetch the big brothers' nasty, stinky, dirty laundry basket and sort it for a load of colors to be started.

(Not that any of this actually happened Monday afternoon around 4:40 p.m.)

Loosely, I am thinking of it as a kind of a "fake it till you make it program for kids."  A focused, concerted effort at teaching them that interacting with one another always has a consequence attached. And that if they choose NOT to behave in a manner of loving servanthood, they will be carrying out a consequence NOT of their choosing that benefits and serves that person regardless. They'll either keep faking it or they will experience a change of heart toward one another and MAKE IT real servanthood. Real love and covering and care.

If nothing else, there's going to be a lot of jobs done (grudgingly or otherwise) by a particular couple Gang members.  And I know one little Gang member who might not have to make his own bed again till September!

As for my own, nasty, infectious STUFF? Well, I'm working on it. My worst habit I've decided that I need to address is to bellow and screech speak less. Even if it means biting my tongue. This effort of responding to their yuck with an example of control and patience and intentionality is really hard. It's especially hard with Li'l Empress, who is in a lovely toddler stage of whining. About everything. Sometimes repeating the same whiny phrase over and over and over and over.  It's so much easier to respond to her with a similar level of whining, in my adult voice, of course. {Snort.}

My vocal cords are thanking me already and it's only been a day or two. But my tongue hurts.  I think I might have drawn blood on that last bite.

Sunday Snapshots

Okay, so I'm gonna give this a whirl. I'm not the greatest at posting on the weekends, but Stefanie is pretty gracious about stretching this particular "Sunday" event into Mondays, so I might have a fighting chance of being semi-regular at joining the fun. (See how I gave myself lots of ambiguity there?! Gotta have a little "out" so I don't feel pressured and stressed about it being a Sunday post. All. the. time.)  So, yeah. Anyway. I'm home from church this morning. With a sick kid. (Again. At least it's a different kid.) And I've got some cute pics of the Gang. So, aren't you the lucky ones.

First Ice Cream Outing

of the "Summer!" 

 

I know Summer doesn't officially start for several more weeks, but this past Friday was beautiful and blazing  hot. We ate a very healthy dinner together and then piled The Gang into our trusty mini-van (Which by the  way, is feeling really "mini" lately, with all those long legs and sweaty boys filling it!) and headed to our neighborhood ice cream hot spot.

 Shaggy is not a fan of Momma snapping pics.

"It's just ice cream. What's the big deal?"

However, Dr. D LOOOOOOOVES the attention.

"Really, Mom? Like, seriously, Mom?" 

He really gets into his "Death by Chocolate."

I think this might be her very first ice cream cone.

And it certainly won't be her last.

If you want to learn more about Sunday Snapshots,

even if it is only occasionally, head over here to link up.

Leave me a comment if you do and I'll be sure to come visit you.

Tweaking Again

One of my goals in raising our five (so far) little Gang members is that they be strong, confident, independent adults who can take responsibility for themselves and the environment in which God has planted them.  I have a pretty focused, intentional plan for how I train that into them.  Not that my plans are perfect, nor are they always as successful as I'd planned for them to be. (I hate it when THAT happens!)  I'm not a big fan of tweaking a schedule or routine, in my own fleshly (sometimes rigid!) nature, but having five kids of incredibly diverse temperaments and learning styles is curing me of THAT darned quick.

A super great tool I've found for teaching my kids to be responsible and independent is to give them chores.  That's right. My kids work. Our chore chart has morphed considerably since we added our Li'l Empress to our home. And given that she's going to be three this summer, I daresay that it will morph again soon. She's certainly going to be quite capable very soon of handling small, guided tasks. And truthfully, she's never happier than when she thinks she is "hepping" Shaggy with one of his jobs or doing a big girl task for me.  Whether she's actually being of true help is something Shaggy is struggling with - he's super focused and of the "just get it done and over with" mentality, so when she slows him down, he's learning a ton about patience and team work.  NOT that I'd tell him that . . . he'll learn it so much better if I just keep my yap zipped!

Our chores have taken on a myriad of methods over the years, and since we began schooling the older two boys at home the chores have been tweaked even further. I've read a couple of blogs lately that have requested suggestions and tips for further organization in their homes with routine and chores and structure, so this post has been swirling in my head for a couple weeks. I check in on several websites semi-regularly for additional tips on increasing my efficiency and our "team work" mentality.  I even belong to a forum in which streamlining our homes, "stocking up," and shopping habits has been a hot topic of late.  And given my bent toward administrative thinking and organizational planning, it's kinda always on my mind. 

I'm pretty happy with our current system, in which the chores are posted in each kid's column for a week. They have from Monday morning till Saturday morning to complete them. We recently had to tweak dish duty, and  somehow Baby Blue Eyes has gotten off scott-free in that area, again. I'm going to tweak that oversight as soon as school lets out for the summer. It was on an "as requested basis" but  now that the two older boys are home and contributing to a larger dirty dish pile for their "home-schooling gourmet lunches" (Shaggy's favorite part of home-schooling!) I just gave them a whole day to handle as assigned.

I try to take the long view when it comes to parenting my kids in this area.  I know that THEY don't see how sweeping and Sw!ffering the kitchen once a week will make them model citizens. But I do.  I get that they can't "get" how carrying their own loads of stinky dirty laundry down to the laundry room will form them into accountable, dependable employees. But I do.  I totally understand that they might NEVER (this side of their own household management in YEARS to come) connect that going to bed in a tidy, picked-up room will create in them a sense of stewarship and gratitude.  But I do.  I DO.  And at this point in the game, I'm  getting pretty immune to the disgruntled commentary that they sometimes try to indulge in under their breath.  I say, "getting" because . . . I'm working on it. I'm still too reactionary for my taste in this particular area.

Admittedly, this big-picture point of view is much easier for me to adopt than it has been for The Boss. He's much better at living in the moment, catching the present and camping in it.  It takes both sides to make a marriage work, I get that. But in order to keep US out of the middle of all the messy relational STUFF that comes of assigning jobs and holding the Gang accountable to those assignments, we've had to change up some things about the chore chart.

NOW? If a job isn't completed on time (barring extenuating circumstances like illness , etc), the job gets carried into the next week by the slacker.  PLUS, that slacker has to do the job by dinner-time on Saturday.  

NOW? If a job is done poorly, that slacker has to re-do it, subject to an inspection. And believe me, inspections are only fun for the inspector. Me.  Yup. I let myself have fun with that part of parenting.  Sick and twisted, I know. But hey, we gotta get our kicks where we can, right? 

NOW? If The Boss notices a job on the chore chart that has not been "flipped over" (our method of indicating completion) by Saturday morning, he feels free and I daresay even compelled to track down the slacker and get the run-down on the excuses reasons why.  It keeps US out of the mix of consistently assigning tasks and allows us to focus on the follow-through. It takes some of the burden off of me, especially if I'm not the only one playing the heavy because the fact that a job is incomplete is right out in the open for everyone to see.

And the best thing great side benefit about our system and our practices?  Is that by Saturday lunch time, we have clean toilets, crunch-free floors, and dusted shelves. For a whole two or three hours, at least.

So, let's chat. What kind of things do you do in your home to create independence? How do you train your kids toward responsibility for themselves and their surroundings?  I want to hear some ideas - as long as I'm going to be "tweaking" again, I might as well get the brainstorm going!

Wordless Wednesday

Getting our verse on . . .

at the last track meet of the season

For more Wordless Wednesday fun,

head over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

Big Boogies and Nose Picking

This is how my Monday morning started. Before Li'l Empress even sat up in her crib . . .

Momma:  Good Morning, Li'l Empress.  How are you feeling this morning?

(She's been fighting a nasty cold that took a turn
for the worse last night before bedtime.)

Li'l Empress:  Nee ti-choo.

Momma:  Okay. Here you go. Let's wipe your nose and get you up.

Li'l Empress:  Hat bid boodie. Nee Mommy pit node.

Yeah. Umm, big boogies and nose picking.

All before 8 a.m.

All before coffee.

Good times.

Friday Happies. Or Not.

First, the happies.

Today is another Free Friday over at Baby be Blessed. This week, it's another gift certificate for any of their products. Don't tell Li'l Empress, but if I win this one, she's gettin' a sweet Maria doll for her third birthday in August. I got the verse all picked out and ready to go. I really am hopin' this is the week I win!

And now, the Not.

What do you get when you mix up a week of toddler whine and throw in two days of Li'l Empress' late-day fever?

Yes, I said a week. Of whine. Incessant, unending, unrelenting.
WHINE.

And then for kicks, toss it with Momma's lingering sinus head-ache and stir it all up with cloudy, humid, weather?

This is me. This is from the BEGINNING of the week of whine. It's not gotten better. I can't show you what it would look like today. It would not be pretty. Heck, this is not pretty. What today looks like would scare you all away. And this is NOT that kind of blog.

If You Can't Say Something Nice. . .

Recently several folks whom I really love or admire have been experiencing nasty attacks of gossip and mean-spirited words.  I've also noticed what seems to be an upswing of nasty comments or hurtful interactions on some of my favorite blogs lately. I've even read several blogs and forums in which the participants are considering shutting down their sites or their part of the activities.  All because of hateful words that one or two folks can't seem to keep to themselves. I must be living with my head in the clouds or something, because I can.NOT. believe some of the things that folks feel free to say to, or about, others. I am shocked at the decidedly ugly things commenters write to bloggers.

I have to admit, it's been really hard for me to remain supportive and encouraging to my friends or loved ones without becoming bitter or angry at those who are causing such hurt. I'm a loyal person by nature. I'm also a fairly positive person.  I love and trust easily and (I hope!) freely. But when a friend is attacked, I get riled and  . . . if you go after a family member?  Well, fuggedaboudit.  Just. Step. Away. From. The. Angry. Momma.

However, in my own journey as a Christian woman, I've found that I must also maintain a constant state of alert to the criticism and judgments that I feel rising up within me. When a discussion becomes a debate, when comments become personal attacks and topics get "too close for comfort,"  I find myself fighting to rein in my own criticisms and disagreements. I have to try to edit myself in a more positive and constructive manner that will allow the conversation to continue and maybe even be productive. More often than not, I advise myself of the old adage "when you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." 

It's a constant battle, and likely more so for me because I love to talk. I love to share my thoughts. I'm not immune to the shock of reading something with which I strongly disagree. In fact, it has happened quite recently. I reacted in the privacy of my own home, ranted really. And then I sought counsel. I tempered my response and offered A. thought. Just one. Then I stopped. I just stopped. Because IF I had let myself really say all that my critical, judgmental self wanted to say, I'd have offended a sister in Christ. A believer who is muddling along, trying to find her way in a new situation, just like me. Just like you. Aren't we all trying to figure it out?!

When things get really heated and a conversation turns into a debate, I start to feel frantic, fighting the NEED to share my thoughts. To make my point and gain understanding. If that cannot happen, I usually shut down. Sometimes, I MAKE myself shut down to avoid crossing my own lines of temptation to unleash my barrage of anger, criticism, judgment or hurt. I disengage from the cycle. Hopefully, at this stage of my life, I'm disengaging earlier and pulling away with more wisdom and discernment than in earlier years. Hopefully, I've learned SOMETHING about the power of my tongue (or my words and my writing).

 

As I've been hearing the pain of my friends and loved ones, and reading the stories of bloggers who have felt attacked or misunderstood, I've been grieved. My heart has ached for the pain inflicted. But a sense of anger and frustration has also lingered. I am angry at the way we conduct ourselves in our various communities. I have asked myself countless times what I can be and should be doing differently. In my personal relationships. In my blogging interactions. Normally, I completely avoid talking about controversial subjects here on this blog.  I just couldn't avoid this particular frustration any longer.

At the risk of sounding hopelessly idealistic and naive, I want to ask, "Why can't we all just get along?"  Can we at least try to change our own reactions? Temper how we connect with each other? Respect that we come at these conversations and experiences from different angles? That we might actually be able to learn from another if we can keep our tongues leashed long enough to really listen? We instead often sound like discordant, clanging cymbals that make unbearable noise. Our words, written or spoken, can create chaos in the ears and the mind and the heart.

As a Christian, I believe that the Creator made us all with unique talents and gifts. That these talents and gifts combine with our life experiences to be used to honor God. To be used to show the world around us a better way to live. To be used to show someone the beauty, the freedom, and the redemption of becoming "like Christ."  If we allow ourselves to be used as instruments in HIS HANDS, if we work harder at speaking with restraint and with love, we can be a beautiful masterpiece that blends together to make a symphony.  We can let our voices be heard in a harmony, that encourages one another and lifts up the arms of those around us.

 

"Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

~ St. Francis of Assisi  ~

Wordless Wednesday

Happy Birthday, LadyBug!

You are a treasure to me and your dad.

We are so proud of how hard you work

and how big you love.

It is a privilege being your parents.

We love you!

For more Wordless Wednesday fun,

head over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

Happy Mother's Day!

I know, I know, it's a day late. But the wishes are no less meaningful to all my beautiful mother-friends who stop by here to visit . . .

What a weekend we had! It was cram-jam full to the brim with family and friends.  I'm sure yours was similar. . . Saturday, we had the classic dilemma of too many directions and not enough drivers to get them all there. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am actually starting to feel excited at the prospect of Shaggy driving this coming fall. He had to be at a friend's house Saturday morning to help with fund-raiser yard sale, Dr. D had to be at the middle school early to head off for a day of regional relays, and Baby BlueEyes was scheduled to attend a birthday party. We headed out later to the relays with the girls and enjoyed the fun in the sun - and the wind! Dr. D bested his own personal record for long jump (again!) and tried the hurdle relay for the first time competitively.  I could hardly watch - hurdles of any kind are my LEAST favorite track events. But he stayed up and finished his leg of the race strong.

The events of the day ended on a big disappointment for him though. The 4x100 relay was shaping up to be very competitive until Dr. D handed off to the anchor runner, who'd been experiencing muscle pain all morning long. Two or three steps out of the hand-off and the anchor crashed to the track in pain. The team was DQ'd and their anchor had to be carted off the track by the medical team. Seems to be a hamstring injury. I felt bad for Dr. D, as I know he had really high hopes for this particular race. But he handled himself well and they all tried to be positive and accept that this is part of being a team player.

We got to enjoy some down-time here in the afternoon before my brother and all his lovely ladies came by for dinner. The down-time ended abruptly once everyone smelled the food and by the time we were all seated at the table, I could feel the evidence of the busy, hectic day in the air. We were all over-tired, hungry, and worn out.  Let's just say that it wasn't the most relaxing family dinner we've ever shared and leave it at that :) Bed time never looked so good!

Sunday was a quick trip up to my parents' home. We joined them in time for morning services and then we got dinner on the table for my mom. She's recovering nicely, and definitely has her sparkle back. The boys were a huge help in getting the meal on and off the table and all the cleaning up in between. And my dad kept us laughing with some of the jokes he keeps stashed for sermon openers. We exchanged gifts and got to enjoy dessert together before we had to hit the road again.  I'll post the recipe for the Orange Coconut Pound Cake that I made - Betty Crocker and her classics just never disappoint!

The Boss and my Gang gave me a new digital camera for Mother's Day - unfortunately, we don't have one single picture from the day to share yet! Between my new phone and my new camera, I have some technology schooling to tackle.  But the benefit is that you will all get to see my little Gang members in sharp, crisp, clarity now :)  I'll do my best to NOT turn this into a photo blog of my beautiful children while I learn all the tricks and tools my new camera boasts . . . the temptation will be great but I'll be strong and try to share sparingly!

The icing on the cake for me was a quick visit from my friend K and her two lovely girls. They came in for a consultation at CHOP and spent the night here to catch up and get our girl-talk in. The kids all get along so nicely and our friendship has become such a treasure to me. They just hit the road now, hoping to beat the morning traffic and I already am looking forward to the next time we can visit. Hopefully, this summer will be a chance for some nice long talks by the pool while the kids cavort!

Another Monday has begun . . . another week to be the Momma to these five.  I certainly hope that you are all facing this new week with the same joy and gratitude that I feel. The blessing and honor of motherhood is a gift that I don't accept lightly. Weekends like this, spent together with my family, remind me that the charge of my life is a holy calling - even if it feels hectic and crazy for hours at a stretch. And I'm a grateful Momma, to be called to this Gang!

May Is National Foster Care Month

This is perhaps the best news story I've seen this week, commemorating National Foster Care Month. Grab a tissue.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

"Once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." ~ Proverbs 24:12

Goin' Gangsta

This is what happens when I send Dr. D upstairs

to clean off his dresser and tidy up his room.

Yes, those are "gold teeth."

I have no other words.

Wordless Wednesday

Piggies all polished.

For more Wordless Wednesday fun,

head over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

This Is A MUST Read

Okay, so in recent months, I've alluded to my little crush on Tonggu Momma. But yesterday, she wrote a new post that has catapulted my little crush into full-out, heavy duty crushing.

Umm, Miss Stefanie?  Could you scoot-ch over just a smidge?  Would you mind making some room on that bloggy-adoptive momma-celebrity stool for Tonggu Momma? (I'm pretty sure you're gonna be okay with sharing, cuz I know that's the kinda gal you are. . . )

Seriously?! You really need to read this post. 

Go. Read. Share your thoughts over there - cuz, I promise you, this one will make you think. Pass it on - it's that good.

*Edited to add: Don't stop at this post. Go ahead and read Swimming in Cluelessness. And stay tuned for the "part two" of it coming tomorrow . . . Really. They're totally noteworthy . . . .

Following A Dream

I have a friend. He's an amazing man. Devoted to his God. Deeply in love with his wife. Passionate about his five kids. Loyal and generous to his friends. Committed to his country. Soo committed to his country.

Today, this friend leaves on an adventure of a lifetime.  This adventure is the culmination of years of seeking God for a dream, and following after that dream as God revealed it step-by-step. Today, this friend leaves to serve our country as a Chaplain for the VA Army Reserves. Today, this friend embarks on a holy mission to support and encourage and serve the men and women in his unit while they serve the mission of freedom in Afghanistan.

My heart is far too full to say much else about this man. Much too overwhelmed to tell you more about his beautiful, loving, rock-steady wife.  Too choked up to tell you about his amazing kids.

But I can tell you this. To me, they are all heroes. They are all serving US.  They are all representing US in the most honorable way possible. And I am more grateful and more humbled by their selfless sacrifice of this year of their lives than I can say.

Please, will you remember this family in your prayers?

And if you are blessed to be able to call them your friends,

will you please let them know that you love them

and that you are grateful for what they are

ALL doing for our nation this year?

Here is a link to his blog,

not likely to be regularly updated

given the nature of his mission.

But you might be able to peek into

his heart and mind occasionally.