Tuesday, February 21, 2012


It's been quite the wild ride on the adoption train for the past ten days around here. We had been trucking along quite nicely up to this point, surprised at the overall ease of the paper chase this time around. Surprised by the speed with which government agencies are returning documentation. Surprised by the ease of gathering forms and completing our check list of "To Do's" for the home study. Surprised by the blessing of free certified copies of Li'l Empress's Certificate of Citizenship necessary to the building of our dossier. It's always nice to be surprised by quick response times. Even nicer to be surprised by "free" copies of anything from a government agency.

But the happy surprises came to a screeching halt last Monday morning. About mid-morning, we received notice that our social worker was no longer employed by nor associated with our agency. That we would be contacted soon with details as to how this change would affect our particular paper chase. As the day went on and further information was released, I grappled with what all of this meant for us. For a right perspective on the situation. For a realistic perspective of it all, which is often NOT the same thing as a right perspective. So you can imagine how I felt when my forecast of the worst case scenario was realized. This social worker's departure from our agency's employ meant that our home study interviews would have to be re-done with a new social worker in order to be compliant with Hague guidelines. Ugh. We were only 1 appointment away from being done with the interviews that go into writing the lengthy home study report. My search for the right perspective was being jostled out of the way by the realistic perspective elbowing its way into the room. For a little while on Monday night, it didn't feel as if there was room for both.

I was especially frustrated because coordinating the calendars for the original four appointments was a gargantuan task. The Boss's work schedule, including meetings over which he has no scheduling authority, my work schedule, the kids' work and extra-curricular calendars AND the social worker's very full calendar were not easy to coordinate into the required forms of four different meetings. I am so grateful for a compassionate agency that desired to make this part of the problem so easy to fix. The Boss's concerns were quite different, although no less irritating to him, and certainly less tangible for our agency to re-mediate. Through no fault of their own, I must hasten to add. New appointments with a new social worker meant MORE time talking about himself (and his private thoughts and feelings) AGAIN with a stranger. NOT his favorite thing about the adoption process to start with!

There was a lot of venting (mine) and processing (The Boss's) and praying (good, constant, godly friends) and consuming of comfort food (both of us). It wasn't my finest hour. Or four. Then there was more drama on Tuesday, connected to Monday's disruption, that made the scenario worse for all of us involved in the conversation. But that part of it, we were able to settle between us fairly quickly by Wednesday morning and respond appropriately. By Wednesday lunch, we felt the "click" that happens between us when RIGHT and REALISTIC make room in the same space together. We've had it happen before, in other times of our marriage when trying to keep our hearts right was at odds with what was realistically happening right before our eyes. So we knew it when we felt it.

After the initial shock and irritation passed and conversations about moving forward began to replace conversations of indignation, right perspective returned. And then? Then there was peace. My "make a list" and "tackle the issue head-on" skills came back to the front of my brain and I went about the business of re-scheduling all four appointments with our new social worker. Who, by the way, is a doll to work with. So sweet and kind and accommodating. So anxious to get us back on track and keep us there. So flexible in her planning. We are in a two-week "gap time" between the fast track of life again. That blissful gap that exists between winter sports and other extra-curriculars and the re-gaining of momentum that comes with Spring sports and band events. Realistically, the rescheduling couldn't have had to happen at a better time in our family calendar.

So we are moving forward. With right hearts. And refreshed perspective. We are actually finished now with two of our four necessary appointments. And unless some weird convergence of weather, sickness or alien abduction occurs, we will be done with all four appointments by Saturday.

And the wild ride continues.


Aus said...

Hey GM - well good - and might I suggest in the future that you simply set aside a day or two to "mourn" when something like this happens? It's something that I "do" - much to my bride's angst however! Marie is a "jump in and fix it" kinda guy - I like to take a minute to wallow in my self pity - and then jump in a fix it! Ah - it's the differences that bring the spice to life eh? ;)

hugs - prayers for continued success!!

aus and co.

Joan said...

wow...sorry about that setback. But thanks for sharing in a real way, I probably would have been a little less composed than your family.

Hope things are a breeze, this third time around :)