Fashion Advice

Some of you may have noted that I recently won a Klutz Paper Fashions book over at 5 Minutes for Giveaways. LadyBug is ecstatic. Thanks to my friends at 5M4G, I am like, "the coolest mom everrrr." Seriously, that's how she said it to me when the package arrived the other day. I'm good with that. These days, whatever impresses my girl and helps her feel that I am, like, totally invested in her life, is good with me. WhatEVERRRRRRR.

But it got me thinking. Our family has some serious fashion do's and don'ts. Doesn't every family? I decided to give you all the benefit of our vast knowledge of the fashion world and share with you the tips and tricks that keep us all so hip and stylin'.

Yeah, if you didn't catch the sarcasm in that last sentence, then you really don't know me that well. And I'm sorry for you, cuz frankly, I think I'm a hoot to know.

Again with the sarcasm.

Without further ado, here are some of the fashion mantras spoken of with great reverence and adhered to with strict attention in The Gang's house.

• Please, Boss, do not wear khaki pants/shorts/whatever with a gray shirt. It's just too many neutrals. No one should wear that much neutral, no matter where they fall on the political spectrum.
• Please, please, please, Baby BlueEyes. Dark blue t-shirts do not MATCH dark blue shorts. They are the SAME as dark blue shorts. Please, pick another shirt.
• BBE? Are you seriously thinking that that black t-shirt is a better choice with those dark blue shorts?! Really?
• LadyBug, must you always, always tie up and knot your t-shirts at the hip/waist/ribcage? Pull your shirt down and at least loosen that knot. Now.
• Shaggy, you really plan on leaving the house in those black socks? With your white sneakers and your light gray shorts? Can we say "GRANDPA????!"
• Dr. D, that t-shirt has at least three holes in it. Do you need new t-shirts?
• And look at your socks! You do know that I can purchase new socks for you when you need them, right?
• BBE, did you really wear this underwear all day? Did the gaping hole in the ummm, cr@tch bother you AT ALL? You do know that I can purchase new underwear for you when you need them, right?!
• (Are you sensing a theme here?!)
• LadyBug, is it possible that you have just about 12 too many scrunchies and hair elastics around your arm? Are you preparing for a style-changing emergency that I don't know about?
• (And by the way, whatever happened to fixing your hair in the morning and keeping that style all day long?! She leaves with 2 pony tails, comes home with an up-do. She leaves with braids and comes home with some hippie looking thing like you see in those old Peace Child ads from the 70's. . . )
• No, Boss/Shaggy/Dr. D/BBE, brown shoes and black pants are not okay. Black shoes with black pants. Black shoes with gray or even khaki. But please, no brown shoes with those pants.

Lest you think that all the fashion know-how is only coming out of my mouth, I offer this:

• Moooooooom, you aren't wearing THAT are you?
• Mooooooooooooom, you are going to do your hair, right?
• Mooooooooooooooooom, please don't tuck that shirt in - NO ONE does that anymore.

Humph. I've trained them all too well, it appears.