We are in a very difficult season. I don't feel liberty to discuss the details, Lord knows I've about talked it to death in my head and in my heart already. The Boss told me this morning that he feels "at the end of (his) rope." I agreed - I'm dangling there with him. We have no alternatives before us right now but to trust.
This was confirmed to me on Sunday, when someone who knows a little of our situation shared an option with us that cut straight to the root of the fears that I've been struggling with in the heat of this pressure cooker. He doesn't even know how his words ministered to me, as The Boss just very casually mentioned that "so & so" had something he wanted to share and "here's what he said." This was on the heels of Pastor Brother In Law's sermon that focused on the question "Who Do You Trust?" from II Kings 6:8-17. It was the story of Elisha's servant whose eyes were opened by the Lord to see the real battlefield. I've been holding all this and more in my heart since then - brewing and brewing over them.
I've been spending a lot of time in the Psalms. Countless times, the Lord has dropped a number into my mind, and I've scurried off for my Bible. See, when I get NUMBERS in my head, then I know it's the Lord. One of my greatest weaknesses in learning Scripture is that I have the hardest time keeping references in my head. I flip them around, transpose them, blank out on them, whatever. So when I get a reference that hangs in my heart and mind like a blinking neon sign, I pay attention. And this morning, the Lord sent me to Psalm 61 and 62. That's me - hanging in there, crying out to the Lord. Feeling more desperate and strangely more numb than I've ever felt in hard times like these. As a writer, David's heart and eloquence gets me every time. In desperation, his words are leveling me. Flat on my face, leveled.
It's hard to be here. But even as The Boss was telling me this morning how he felt, I felt a peace that at our end is exactly where He wants us to be. And as hard as it is to be here, I've felt such a peace in the past two days that this will work out - for our good. That we will come out the other side and that the journey won't be as crippling and as painful if we snug up to the Rock. So that's where I want to be - face first, flat up against MY ROCK.
This was confirmed to me on Sunday, when someone who knows a little of our situation shared an option with us that cut straight to the root of the fears that I've been struggling with in the heat of this pressure cooker. He doesn't even know how his words ministered to me, as The Boss just very casually mentioned that "so & so" had something he wanted to share and "here's what he said." This was on the heels of Pastor Brother In Law's sermon that focused on the question "Who Do You Trust?" from II Kings 6:8-17. It was the story of Elisha's servant whose eyes were opened by the Lord to see the real battlefield. I've been holding all this and more in my heart since then - brewing and brewing over them.
I've been spending a lot of time in the Psalms. Countless times, the Lord has dropped a number into my mind, and I've scurried off for my Bible. See, when I get NUMBERS in my head, then I know it's the Lord. One of my greatest weaknesses in learning Scripture is that I have the hardest time keeping references in my head. I flip them around, transpose them, blank out on them, whatever. So when I get a reference that hangs in my heart and mind like a blinking neon sign, I pay attention. And this morning, the Lord sent me to Psalm 61 and 62. That's me - hanging in there, crying out to the Lord. Feeling more desperate and strangely more numb than I've ever felt in hard times like these. As a writer, David's heart and eloquence gets me every time. In desperation, his words are leveling me. Flat on my face, leveled.
It's hard to be here. But even as The Boss was telling me this morning how he felt, I felt a peace that at our end is exactly where He wants us to be. And as hard as it is to be here, I've felt such a peace in the past two days that this will work out - for our good. That we will come out the other side and that the journey won't be as crippling and as painful if we snug up to the Rock. So that's where I want to be - face first, flat up against MY ROCK.
5 comments:
Cling to that Rock. It's the only thing that won't move.
Just want to let you know that we are praying for you. Let us know if there's anythign at all we can do.
Praying for you. Sometimes God wants us beyond all our answers, in submission to Him and His ability alone. Glad you've come to peace.
I've learned that the Psalms have a lot of good prayers that you can pray when you don't know what to pray. They also help us validate our feelings of hurt, anger or other frustrations in general because these Bible writers felt them too.
Hang in there. Actually, hang on Him. I've only been posting about struggling for the last four days. But, my end result is, its far better to follow Him, to trust Him, to know He's going to come through, then not to. So, I am trusting for you!!!
Lots of love!
Praying for you. Yes, I've been to that "dangling" place myself. It's not easy trusting, but glad you're so close to God that you're able to listen to what He's saying! Love you both.
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