Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A Bit of a Rub

Several months ago, I found this great site, called Creating a Family. Since then, I've recommended it to several friends. It covers tons of issues related to building your family, whether biologically (and all the methods that might entail) or through adoption (both domestic and international). The insights from both the writer of the site and the guests she features have been so helpful. I've also enjoyed the recommendations and resources that this site offers - I feel that most of them are very trustworthy. I come away from this site educated and informed about a broad spectrum of issues related to raising my family. I'm hoping to get my iP*d fixed soon so I can subscribe to the podcasts. I know I'll enjoy those during my walks or while the boys are schooling and using the computer during the day this fall.

Recently, Dawn's blog addressed an issue(here) that has long been a bit of a rub for me, more especially since I have become an adoptive parent. I was tending to think that I was just being too sensitive. Turns out, there's a whole host of folks that feel that certain rubbing against the grain that I felt. I love the thoughtful and logical discussion of the issue as Dawn addressed it.

I'm really interested to know what you think of this issue? Please, head over there and read the blog entry. But come back here and share your thoughts. I'd love to learn more from your perspective!


Kateri said...

Got nothin'! When I click on either link, their is no article or blog entry. Help!!

Aus said...

Took me a while to find the story - presuming it's the use of the word 'adopted / adoptive' so readily?

If that's the case then I guess I'm just not sensitive to it - at least in cases like mine where we have adopted trans-(I was going to say culturally - but that's not what I mean)racially.

I had never considered adoption when it became impossible for Marie and I to have more kids. Then one morning my daughter asked me why we had never adopted. On went the light bulb and now almost 10 years later we're almost DTC for the 3rd time.

When you see us out with our kids there isn't much doubt that our youngest two are adopted! In fact, we have a lot of fun with the stupid things that people say when they are trying to figure out the relationships between all of us - but that's just our sense of humor - and as the girls get older if they don't like us teasing folks like we do we'll stop!

We have several friends who have adpoted domestically and within race - and they don't care to mention that their kids are adopted. OK - I can respect that - but look at it just a little differently...try this thought on and if it fits it's yours - if it doesn't I'm good with that too!

If one in ten people who have asked you about your childs adoption have the seed you plant grow - how many more kids have you and your child helped find a home?

In a lot of ways I think that Marie, the kids and I have kind of become 'ambassadors' of adoption - not a bad thing!

And of course I'm flattered when folks think my kids are a cute and perfect as I do!!

Sorry I got so long winded - but I guess I'm just in the mood today!

hugs - aus and co.

The Gang's Momma said...

Thanks for your thoughts, Aus! I agree with the train of thought that says we can (and should?!) respond kindly and gently to those who inquire about our family mix. Especially if it's fairly obvious that there's true interest.

I guess what I appreciated most about Dawn's discussion is that the media seems intent in clarifying every. single. time. when there is an "adopted" person in the story or in the picture. And that it is inappropriate to assume that that label is necessary every time.

For example, this week I saw a pic of Meg Ryan and her "adopted daughter" in a tabloid rag. Why label the child that way every time the papparazzi catches her? They don't do that when Dennis Quaid is out and about with his "second wife!"

I try not to be oversensitive, and I do strive to use my responses as a tool in God's hands to be "good ambassadors" but that's when the conversation is directed at me. As Li'l Empress grows, I'm not sure I'll be so comfortable when the conversation is directed at HER as in a "labeling" kind of way . . .

And I think you guys ARE great ambassadors of IA. And super supporters of others who are just dipping our toes into the waters :)

Aus said...

Yeah - I see what you are saying - I guess I'm just a 'microcosim' kind of guy and wasn't looking at that bigger picture. Or maybe it's a lifetime of living in the 'fishbowl' of law enforcement where every thing you do off duty is carried over to your professional life (and back again!)

Thanks for the cudo's - but we're really just average folks who care!

hugs - aus and co.

Salzwedel Family said...

Oh don't get me started girl! I actually read someones self description the other day as a mom to four adopted children and two birth children. I don't get the need for a clarifier. I guess it just means there is a much greater need for adoption education with non-adoptive families.

Elissa said...

I have mixed feelings about this. I don't like the presumption that our adopted kids are somehow not as "ours" as their biological counterparts, but I don't hate adoption being mentioned all the time. Adoption is normal for our families, but it is noteworthy for the rest of the world.

I like to think that most of the time it's mentioned in the same manner as someone would say, "and this is the Harrell's son, who just got accepted into medical school/just got back from 5 years as a missionary in Nepal/just rescued an old lady from a burning building." Something that not every kid can claim, and something for the whole family to be proud of!

That being said, I don't always mention that Lily is adopted because sometimes I don't want that to be the story, and I recognize that as she gets older she may not always want that to be the story either. I hope God will give me the wisdom to help her through those times when being adopted doesn't feel like the good kind of different.

The Gang's Momma said...

Elissa, you make an excellent point: "Adoption is normal for our families, but it is noteworthy for the rest of the world." One that I often forget, as immersed in the daily living of it as I am!