So, the conversation over at Creating a Family has continued throughout the week. When my post about the conversation went "live" on my Facebook page, via the handy-dandy app called "Networked Blogs," the conversation continued here too. Admittedly, it's been pretty one-sided over here, but I'm not surprised by that terribly much. I mean, really, the only folks who read this little corner of the blogosphere called "The Gang's All Here!" are likely doing so cuz they know me. Or are related to me. Or they owe me some big bucks and this is the payment I've exacted.
"Read my blog and I'll cancel your debt."
Snort. Yeah. Not really, but seriously.
It's not like I've got a nation-wide readership here, guys!
I have said over and over that I do NOT have a grasp on all sides of the issues surrounding adoption. But the thing that keeps hitting me about these conversations and the strong stances taken on either side of the debate is that I don't HAVE to have an experience on all sides of the issues. I cannot speak for an adoptee or for a birth mother... I can listen, I can try to understand, I can choose to expose myself to her viewpoint and choose to think about it. But it will always be done through the filters of my own life experiences AND through the choice to accept another's filter as valid and helpful to the conversation. My sweet friend, Christie, said it well:
"All I could think while I read those articles was how struck I am by the selfishness of others. Choose not to be offended people!"
Now, before you get all riled up, let me say that I think I know what she means. I actually said something similar to that in another adoption related post over at Creating a Family. I think what she means is that standing strongly on your own viewpoint, refusing to listen or consider or process what you can from others' viewpoints is selfish. Not in the mean-girl, snotty, haughty kind of selfish. Rather, it's self-focused, self-serving. It's camping on a viewpoint that may or may not be right and refusing to consider that other ways of addressing an issue just might be a key to getting yourself into the world (or the heart?) of the others around you.... Of being part of the solution to some of these issues rather than continuing to gripe and whine and vent about the problems. I think that is what she means. At least in part. The other part? Well, she is a strong Suthern woman, ya'll. And I love her for it. Just love her.
Several of your responses have been so sweet and so vulnerable. Sharing my viewpoints about things like (gasp!) money and (double gasp!) faith with the world-wide-web is kind of scary sometimes and for those of you who have encouraged me and given me the virtual "you go, girl" here or on Facebook, I thank you.
But there is one response that simultaneously cracked me up and made me cry. In fact, her response so resonated with me that I've been thinking and brewing on something kinda big (for me) that I want to throw out on this little corner of the blogosphere in the coming days.... How's that for a teaser, for ya?! Nothing like a little shameless plug to keep you coming back to see what it is I have up my wordy little sleeve, huh?
Anyway. The reason I'm sharing this response today is because it's from a friend whom I trust. From her, I learn much about BEING the Church, minus many of the trappings and "Christian-ese" turns of phrase that we hear all around us. This friend has an "outside perspective" of having never been in the world of international adoption. And to me, that makes her perspective very valid in an unique way. She thinks things through. And asks for God's heart on the matters that confuse or trouble her. And I need friends like her.
Of course, it doesn't hurt that she's so darned loyal and supportive that she'd dedicate a whole post to the issue and be willing to "take it on the chin" for this Momma in doing so. She rocks. And I am grateful for her friendship.
Go over HERE and read her post.
You'll see what I mean. Chat it up over there. I'll jump in on it, too.