Monday, October 20, 2008

Only Happens To Me

I had the weirdest thing happen the other day.

I was trimming Li'l Empress's tiny toe nails, while Matt Lauer was chatting gorgeously and intelligently in the background. The house was quiet after the chaos of 2 different bus pick-ups and I was humming in Empress's ear to keep her still and distracted.

Clip. Screech. Deep breath. Gently set Li'l Empress on the floor and try to gracefully and calmly get up from the floor with one eye closed and without kicking Empress in the head while I slipped around in my jammy pants.

Yes. I clipped a sweet little baby toenail clipping right into the corner of my eye. No, let me rephrase that. This couldn't be just a tiny little shaving that was soft and minuscule. This was a huge, CHUNK of baby toenail. Sharp and pointy. Right. In. The. Corner. of my right eye.

Have I ever mentioned before how much I hate things in my eye? How I cringe and try not to gag when I watch various loved ones apply or remove contact lenses? Or how when I'm freaked out, I have an alarming tendency to sweat from everywhere and breathe funny? OR how every long and lovely fingernail except my right thumbnail has broken since my return from China now that I'm doing my own dishes and laundry again?

Breathe. Deep cleansing breaths. In. Out. Pray. In. Out. "It's okay, Li'l Empress. Mommy's right here. See, right here where you can see me. It's okay. I'm right here." (I'm gonna be blind in one eye till the sweet Lord comes and takes me home, but I'm here. I'm right here.)

Finally, after about 3 minutes of deep breathing, heavy sweating, profuse tears, and pleading with my Sweet Savior to rescue me, I got the toe nail clipping out of my eye. The rest of the morning my eye was swollen, red and itchy. By lunch time, I no longer looked like a raging case of pink-eye had attacked my eye. By dinner, I had NO PROOF whatsoever to offer my family as to the deep and gut-wrenching trauma I'd experienced that morning.

This kind of thing only happens to me. When I'm alone or surrounded by little ones who can only say "ba ba ba" and grin through drool.

9 comments:

Heidi @ GGIP said...

yes, that is an original story! Glad you are okay.

ComfyDenim said...

*LOL* I'm guessing any sort of lasik is just not going to happen for you, is it?

at least empress didn't panic, too.
Mini-Me would have been getting me ice packs and pillows and asking if she needed to call 911.

I'm glad you're eye is better.

Say Anything said...

I too have a "thing" about eyeballs - and so I gagged and laughed, and laughed and gagged as I read your story. Hope your eye is feeling better.

Mervy said...

This just brought back memories - painful memories. I was working out at the gym (this was a few years back) and apparently one of the tiniest specks of oil shavings that hang-out at the pulleys on some of the machines fell and embedded in my eye - right where the white and the color intersect. It wasn't until the next day that my eye was all itchy and I kept rubbing it and was tearing up and rubbing and tearing...anyways, after someone looked at it while at work - it was determined something was in my eye. So, I went to the emergency room. Long story short, my head is pressed into this device that had a huge magnifying glass and bright lights and the nurse had a long, needle-type thingy that she was going to use to "scrape" the material out of my eye. Yeah, I'll just stop there. The stuff is gone, but the trauma will be with me always.

TCC said...

Oh thank you thank you thank you.

I needed to smile and giggle.

Hope all is well with your eye!

Doreen said...

yes, but are "the Royal tonails" trimmed neatly?

Doreen in Montreal ;-D

Anonymous said...

So, how does one chat gorgeously??? brother!

THE boss...

Kateri said...

Kyrsten unfolded her blanket with a bit of gusto a couple of years back and the edge caught me in the eye. It scratched my cornea, an injury I wouldn't wish on anyone! It was horrible!!!! Even REM during my attempts to sleep drove me nuts...painful!
Glad you came out of the toenail incident without long term damage...to your eyes, atleast:)

~~ said...

LOL..I know it wasn't funny at the time, but it sure is funny now. Oh my goodness.
She is certainly a beautiful Lil' Empress! I hope you saved that toe nail for the scrapbook. ;)
Patricia