Saturday, September 6, 2008

Reality Is Setting In

I had a nice chat with my mom yesterday, filling her in on all the plans and our itinerary so far. It's such a blessing how supportive and excited our whole family is for us - and for themselves!

However, the conversation led to the plans we are making for my in-laws to have custody of the gang while we are gone. Reality hit me square between the eyes yesterday. I have been putting off the "dwelling upon the idea" of leaving my four babies behind while The Boss and I travel. Across. The. WORLD. To get our Aidan. The reality of Baby BlueEyes waking up to someone else's hugs and kisses made me cry. The reality of LadyBug having to find a way to share her thoughts and feelings with another listening ear made me want to scream inside. The idea of missing the laughter and crazy stories around the dinner table from Shaggy and Dr. D's days crumpled me. I am going to miss a lot of "stuff" that makes us a family. A lot of the things that I take so for granted are going to be out of my grasp for 16 days. That's a lot of hugs and kisses and giggles. That's a lot of everything.

Don't get me wrong, I am completely confident that Grandma and Grandpa Gang can handle the house and the kids and the routine without too many hitches (hey, I have multiple hitches every day!). I know they will be well-loved and well-cared for. But it's not by me for those 16 days. And that's hard to grasp. Even harder to let go of. I'm sure there may be a certain control element to this (there's that confession thing again!) but really, I know it's so much more than that. It's bigger. I am keenly aware of how quickly the days go. To think that I'm missing a big chunk of two-plus weeks is heart-wrenching to me. I'm trying not to be dramatic here. But it really is. My heart was so heavy last night when I went to bed. And this morning, I woke up (tooooo early!) and snuggled on the couch with LadyBug and Baby BlueEyes for the morning news and an episode or two of Family Matters. As we sat there giggling, it hit me that it will be FOUR Saturdays before I am able to plunk down on the couch for Saturday cartoons and coffee with them again. FOUR Saturdays before I get to yell up the stairs for Shaggy and Dr. D to FINALLY get out of bed for pancakes and eggs. That's too many Saturdays for me.

Please pray for me. Pray for The Boss. This Thursday's departure will be hard. As I write this, I am already struggling through my tears. And pray for my gang while we're gone. I'm not perfect. The Boss is not perfect. The Gang is not perfect. But we are perfect for each other and I'm going to really miss that perfection for the duration of our trip.


10 comments:

Becki said...

When I went to China, I sat down with our schedule and made letters for our son to open each day while we were gone. Labeled them each day so that he would know where we were in the process, always asking him what he was doing on those days, in turn my parents sat down with him each night and they wrote us a letter and they are now part of his scarpbook. Plus, we called from our hotel room and it was reasonably cheap.

Carol said...

I know Regina had a web cam to keep in touch...would that help....she found a program that she downloaded free..........

Hugs to you, and have a WONDERFUL trip!!!

Heidi @ GGIP said...

Aww! At least you can email...

Kateri said...

I remember the days before we left all too well. I cried like a baby when I had to leave Troy behind. It's horrible, isn't it, Tracy?
It will be a long 16 days without them, that's for sure. But what an amazing feeling when you finally get to see them all the airport!!! There's nothing better...the whole Gang together, FINALLY!!
Speaking of airport, you gonna post your itinerary???

Anonymous said...

When your in china will you be able to keep us up to date with what's going on and how you and the boss are doing with the challange. My wife and I are praying that we may also be travaling to China in Oct or Nov to pick up our daughter.
Good luck and we will be praying for you and your Gang.

ComfyDenim said...

When you put it that way, I think I'll cry. :-)

May God return the time to you guys, many times over.

Promises Fulfilled said...

I cannot believe that your departure date is this week already! This is so amazing! You are a wonderful mom - I love to read about what is going on in your heart and mind. I am sure that the 16 days will be long and short - all at the same time!

I cannot wait to see a photo of Aidan as part of the gang!

julie said...

I will definitely pray for you. This mom understands completely what you are talking about. Some days I get mysefl all worked up about these same things and we don't even have a referral yet.

Hang in there, it will all be sooo worth it in the end.

God Bless,
Julie

joymweaver said...

We will be praying for you guys. Just remember God is the same with you in China as He is with your children in America, and He promises to be your strength. It will be so worth it the moment you hold Aidan for the first time.

Salzwedel Family said...

I know how you are feeling. I have some anxiousness about my upcoming trip to Haiti. I am beyond excited to meet our daughter, but I am also anxious about the precious ones I am leaving behind. All I can do is pray & trust in God's faithfulness.